[foofoo2004]

My ex and I dated when I was 19 until 24. He's 13 years younger than me. During that course of time, we had 3 children. A girl and a set of twins. I really, really loved him. Our relationship was great the first 3 years but took a bad turn. SHortly after I had the twins, I saw that he was texting women very sexually explicit messages and of course I was hurt and angry. After some time, I forgave him. He's a party guy and some of the women he texted he met out and when I found the messages he never stopped partying. I tried to move on from this but because his behaviors never changed, it was hard for me to move past. Well, later that year, random phone numbers appeared again and now I was being accused of cheating although I wasn't. I was a stay at home mom, working from home, and taking classes online while he went to work and partied at night. This still irritated me to no end. I found out about more women over the year. I met a guy and gave my phone number to him. We talked on phone but it NEVER went past talking. I was honest with my fiancŽ and told him about it. He tried to kick me out of our home even though I knew of him sleeping with other women. Anyway this back and forth drama went on for a while. I really wanted us to work because I love him but I was tired of being accused of cheating for 1 1/2 years when I wasn't. We broke up then got back together later and tried to make it work. He cheated with several women this time and when I found out I was done with the relationship and decided to move on. He began stalking me and harassing me. One night when we were talking about it being over the conversation got a little heated and be began to beat me with a belt buckle and punch me. It was officially over. I went to the police (he's also a police officer) and pressed charges. My mom went missing a few weeks later and because he was helping with the investigation I talked to him a lot to help locate my mother. She committed suicide. I was still done with the relationship. The relationship ended with a lot of resentment and hatred. Now he treats me as if I've done something wrong to him. I NEVER cheated on him. The only thing I did was give a guy my number and I told him that. WE have to communicate because of our children and we don't argue or anything but I'm sick of him treating me and talking to me like I don't deserve the time of day when he did all of those things to me. HIs family and I get along fine but WE don't.

I still have resentment and anger towards him because he's never apologized for what he's done. And he does things like not pick up our children from school when he's suppose to because he's always trying to get back at me. FOR WHAT? I went way beyond the call of duty and dropped the domestic charges on him (like a fool I know) because I wanted us to both move on and begin our lives apart yet now I'm the villain. I hate what happened in our relationship but I still feel like I'm not over the relationship completely and him. Since it's been over a lot of great things have happened. I've moved up a lot on my career making great money and proving well for my children. His family thinks that we left the relationship with no closure. Is this worth me trying to have a conversation with him to try to get everything out so we can be civil? I have no issues with being civil but he treats me as if I did all of those things to him. He's 13 years older than me and I'm tired of always being the bigger person when I've been taking care of our children while he's bee partying. What do I do? Talk to him to to clear the past? How do I move forward and be happy because I have a lot of unhealthy feelings deep inside?

[foofoo2004]

Correction: He's 13 years older than me.

[joypulv]

I don't see 'closure' when you have kids together. His double standard isn't going to change overnight, nor is his suspicious nature. But a plan to sit down for a talk is never a bad one, as long as no one else is around and you both remain calm.
Of course you feel anger and resentment. I can't tell you 'let it go; it's in the past.' He betrayed you, your mother killed herself, you have a lot going on. You could try some therapy, even if it's a group setting, for support and a place to get it out.
You have a lot to be proud, and a future, so gradually that will replace the old angers.