[Savan1]

My boyfriend of over 2 years has decided he wants us to end how relationship. I love him so much and I don't want to end it. I told him let go get help he told my to do what ever because I am the one with the problem not him. Our biggest problem is sex I don't like having sex because I was rap when I was younger over and over. At first he understood but now he say I am kill his sex driving. What am I supposed to do I hate sex he want sex. I have cheated on him with my best friend he forgave me and we got back together. We live together but I think the only reason he say was because he knew I needed some where to live. He is so clod to me I don't know what to do.

[confused_guy]

I have been in relationships where girls have been raped in the past. It's a terrible thing and ALWAYS damaging. You can't change the way your boyfriend feels, but you can change your own mentality and behavior.

I don't know if you have sought out counselling, but I know that at least in the U.S. there is a rape crisis hotline... I believe it is called RAIN or something to that effect (try google).

The simple fact that you cheated on him with your best friend shows that the incident(s) messed you up a lot psychologically when it comes to sex. You can straighten your life out though, seek professional help.

At the very least, it will help take your mind off your boyfriend's behavior and put a little more focus on you. He may appreciate the effort too, you never know.

[shygrneyzs]

If you do not enjoy sex and I can fully understand why ( I was raped when I was a freshman in college), then do not have sex. Continuing to have sex without enjoying it is lending to the problem, not helping the problem. Explain to your boyfriend that until you can get past your feelings, past the pain of being raped, and are able to be in a healthy relationship, you cannot continue as you have been.

You owe it to yourself first and foremost to work on overcoming what happened to you. This will require some professional help. A rape crisis center, a women's crisis center, a counselor at a human service center, a pastor, are places you can look for help.

Ending the relationship you are in now - I know you cannot see it - but look at the damage done to the relationship already. Stepping back from being sexually involved is a good thing right now. He resents feeling like he is raping you when you do not enjoy the intimacy. In a sense, he is doing that. But you have not said no to him either because you do not want to lose him. You can be stronger than that.

I know this is a very confusing time for you. You do need and you do deserve to regain yourself esteem, regain your pride, regain yourself worth and confidence. So please seek some professional counseling. You cannot do this on your own. I know from experience. I could never tell my parents what happened. To them, if a girl was raped, it was because she did something wrong. It messed up how I related to men, for years I was plagued by mistrust and hurt. You do not need any more pain in your life. So I am hoping you get some real help. God bless.

[JoeCanada76]

This relationship is over and it is better for it to be left that way.

As far as being raped while young, this can be so damaging physically and mentally and emotionally. I agree with others that now is the time to work through these issues and get the help you need to get past and work through these fears you have. Professional help is needed and is important to seek right now.

You also said you cheated. Yet you hate sex. That kind of throws me off a little bit. As far as that is concerned he has every right to end it. I do not think he resents you but a balance of friendship and intimacy is important for a long lasting relationship.

Work on yourself now so your future relationship will not be tarnished.

Joe

[confused and worried]

I am sorry to hear about you being raped, I know how hard that is. I was almost raped when I was younger and it took me time to get over it. But as far as you and your boyfriend goes don't you think it is bad that you can't have sex with your boyfriend but that you can cheat on him with your best friend? I don't think you feel comfortable around your boyfriend and that is why you don't want to have sex with him, where as you do feel comfortable with your best friend. I think you should get help from a rape hotline and then let go of your current boyfriend and look for someone that you are 100% comfortable with like your best friend and start over fresh.

[talaniman]

Please get professional help and accept that your b/f is gone. You need help badly before you can have a healthy relationship with any one..

[valinors_sorrow]

Please get professional help and accept that your b/f is gone. You need help badly before you can have a healthy relationship with any one..

I was just like her at one point in my life, and I did exactly what you suggest and it made a HUGE difference in my life. Had I not received professional help, I would not be happily married today.

[earlymurphy]

My boyfriend of over 2 years has decided he wants us to end how relationship. I love him so much and i don't want to end it. I told him let go get help he told my to do what ever because i am the one with the problem not him. Our biggest problem is sex i don't like having sex because i was rap when i was younger over and over. At first he understood but now he say i am kill his sex driving. What am i supposed to do i hate sex he want sex. I have cheated on him with my best friend he forgave me and we got back together. We live together but i think the only reason he say was because he knew i needed some where to live. He is so clod to me i don't know what to do.

I think that even though you don't like to have sex, cause of your inncident, you should do it any way because if you keep putting him off he's going to break up with you and you won't have anything. So go for it and if you still don't like it act like he hurt you or something so you don't have to do it again!

[TrueFaith]

Pff this guy sounds like a dog listen.. he isn't worth your time you want to be with someone who understands you and can accpet you for who and what you are! Relationships is not all about sex! And if he can't see that.. that is his problem. If he loved you really loved you none of this would matter. Let the guy go.. he is not worth it..

Wow that is so bad what he has done..

[chuff]

It sounds like you like sex, you just don't like intimacy nor do you trust the people you have sex with. Obviously counceling is the way to go.

[candy abi]

Sorry to hear about your situation when you were younger but its quite clear to see that lack if sex is the major problem, yes he should be understanding to your situation but you also have to understand that a relationship is all about a compramise if you really love him you have to start opening up to him because if you opened up to your best friend and he forgave you for that then you could at least try for him and the sake of your relationship... I know your past experiences have made you grew to dislike sex but once you are sharing it wit someone you truly love and care for it can be one of the most fulfilling enjoyable experiences of your life

[JBeaucaire]

Um, Candi, this question is almost two years old. Be sure to check those dates before you post into old threads.