[Diplomatus]

I dated this girl for 4 years, basically lived together for most of them at college, fell in love, and wanted to take it to the next step. We rarely had any problems or difficulty communicating. Distance got in the way when we were trying to figure out jobs and grad school because she lived about 2 hours from me. She became very needy and I wasn't there for her. She "fell out of love with me", there was just "no end in sight", but said she didn't realize until a month after we broke up. It has been 3 months now and the last time we spoke she said she doesn't know if this is right and she doesn't want to say goodbye forever. During the past month or so I found out she is dating her old boyfriend from high school who cheated on her. Supposedly she has a crush on him and sees him on the weekends. Is this a rebound or has she moved on but doesn't want to hurt my feelings? She never gave me closure, rarely e-mails back, and never told me the real reasons she fell out of love with me. I started no contact 2 weeks ago.

[confused and worried]

I think that this girl is really confused right now and is trying to see where her life takes her. She is probably second guessing everything and wondering if you are the one she is really meant to be with, or if there might be feelings there for her ex. I would just let everything settle down for now and give her a little time, but don't stop living and enjoying your life for her. Who knows she might see or hear about you going out and realize that she wants you with her and no one else. A little ways down the road you can pop in and see if she is doing OK and how everything is going for her but wait a while and you might get somewhere. Just remember just because you want something to happen bad enough doesn't mean it will unless it is really meant to be. Good luck!

[talaniman]

Closure or no, you really need to move on with our own life. I think it does you no good to wait for someone who is exploring her own life, and no telling how long that will take, or if she will come back or not. Realise also that if she is seeing someone else, and breaks up to come back to you, then that makes YOU the rebound and that my friend would not be healthy at all. Get a life that you enjoy without her. Leave her alone and explore life for ,yourself, now that would be both beneficial to you and healthy, as you would be starting a healing process.

[valinors_sorrow]

You may need some time to see this but --- it is not important what she is doing, how she is feeling, what she is thinking or even planning. What is quite important is what you are doing, how you are feeling, what you are thinking and especially planning. I hear you "planining" on getting stuck - not good! I hear you giving your power to her by claiming "she never gave me closure" -- I got news, you may have to make your own. She ended it and you are hurt. If you end it too, at your end, you can begin the grieving process. But if you "wait" for her in any capacity, you stall that process which I think is a very unnatural thing that causes pain in itself. You are the one choosing to wait and wonder. You are the one creating the pain that comes from that. She may be confused but you are going along with it like you have no mind of your own here.

Deal with what is, not what might be. Plant both your feet in reality. It's over. Act accordingly. I am sorry for your loss.