[Alicia_Apple]

I feel lost, I may have some symptoms of borderline disorder

[Alicia_Apple]

I am sorry, I'm new to this site.
As I was saying, he does love me, we've been together for a year and a half now. I also enjoy spending time with him, caring for him, being intimate with him and all the other things, but I don't actually feel anything. I only feel some sort of connection to him, even though we may not always like the same things, but I don't feel those butterflies I'm supposed to.

Lately we've both been through stressful periods of our lives, but he seems to be handling them better than I.
I constantly nag him about tiny things like not washing dishes and such, and I complain daily about him not being interested in me although it's pretty obvious he is, and I know he gives me his whole attention and love. I can't feel it, though, something inside of me isn't at peace... and I don't know if it's the relationship's fault or if I have some issues with myself I need to clear.

It is a serious relationship, we're both committed to it, so I wouldn't want to ruin it just because of some stupid things, although I really seem to sabotage myself a LOT. Neither do I want to break his heart, my boyfriend really is a wonderful person.

[Wondergirl]

Be careful with labeling yourself. I know it's the "in thing" to do. TV and Hollywood have brought a psych vocabulary into our conversations nowadays.

Have your feelings for him changed over time? That does happen. Don't marry him if there's doubt.

Or maybe you and he just don't click after all. I have some very dear male friends, but certainly wouldn't want to marry them now that I've gotten to know them! (and that's okay!! )

Or, the "honeymoon" may be over and the real work of building a committed relationship is beginning..

Which is it?

[Fr_Chuck]

Have you thought you just don't like him, or you just don't love him as a boyfriend. Dating is when you find and decide your feelings, he may be the best thing ever but may not be the thing you want.

[Alicia_Apple]

Thank you for your answers
But what is "loving him as a boyfriend" ?

I said that I may have that disorder because those symptoms fit me very well, I am absolutely terrified of someone leaving me, so I use to distance from them first. I treat them badly when I feel threatened (although there's usually no motive at all), I put them through "tests" so they could prove me they really care. I don't do this on purpose and I cannot help it, I try very hard to temperate myself

[Wondergirl]

I said that I may have that disorder because those symptoms fit me very well, I am absolutely terrified of someone leaving me, so I use to distance from them first. I treat them badly when I feel threatened (although there's usually no motive at all), I put them through "tests" so they could prove me they really care. I don't do this on purpose and I cannot help it, I try very hard to temperate myself

That's not borderline, but is insecurity within yourself and with your feelings about the relationship. We aren't able to crawl into the mind of our beloved to find out if he feels as committed to us as we do to him, so that puts us on the defensive, wondering and hoping. We don't want to get dumped, so if there's doubt about the beloved's feelings, we would rather be the dumper and save our self esteem from getting battered. Been there, done that, as have many females! (can't speak for males, no experience there)

[olivia589]

I'm in a similar predicament. Its been a year and a half, too. My boyfriend is the kindest person I've ever met, but there is no spark or butterflies or anything like that. Its just sort of blah, but he's so sweet! I'm afraid of the other men out there... I know this guy will never hurt me. However, I don't know how much more exciting this relationship can possibly get. :(