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guyovich · Feb 1, 2012, 01:41 PM

All right guys, please bare with me and my wall of text.

I've been with this female for 10 months, knew her for 2 months before that. Amazing girl. She's caught me with another girl, not physically but texting, (I know I'm an idiot). Last Saturday, she tells me she doesn't want to be in a relationship. I said "why", she said she "doesn't know, she needs to find her self".

I instantly act, grab all my stuff from her house, she's crying for me not to leave. I told her I'm no fool. Either you cheated on me, or someone else is talking to you, (I've been the other guy before, I was young). So, I grab my stuff, she's crying. I leave.

She sends me a text she's sorry she met with some guy she knew before, they kissed that's it. I completely ignore her from that point. Next morning, I have 2 calls from her, and 3 texts. Didn't bother reading them, just deleted them.

That day, her mom calls who lives out of town. She asked what happened, I tell her everything, she says she can't believe me. The whole week, she's been calling me, texting me when she gets home, texting me "good morning", "good night" and such.

I don't respont at all.

Her mom calls again, she asked me to do her a favor, because she's helped me out with money before, (tough economy she was like a second mother to me), I said fine what's the favor, talk to her she's not eating, not sleeping, its affecting her at work. So I said OK, I'm going to talk to her only once and that's it.

Called her, she was crying, she said she misses me, loves me blah blah blah. She says she wants to talk things over, to come over, (yesterday), and talk. I gave in and went. We talked, I asked her why, she said she knew about a fling I had before I met her, I lied to her a bunch of times about girls that would text me, (past girls.. Nothing wrong with that right?).

She was tired of me treating her like garbage, always disrespecting her. This is true even my brother told me a week before we broke off, "I don't know how you get away with talking to her like that". So I said you know what? In the past, females have forgiven for doing what she did. I'll do it.

Now she says she loves me, but doesn't want to be in a relationship right now, but she wants us to be friends and work being back slowly, she asked me to go for dinner this weekend. I said fine, but I want to know what this is about? Are we going to give "us" a shot, or you want to "get a piece of the cake", and that's it?

She said she wants to give "us" a shot, she's willing to put in the effort, but she doesn't want to be in a relationship, just to take it slow, and see where it leads. Ok, So I left.

On my way home she calls, she just wanted to hear my voice, she says while we are working to get back, not to say "I love you", "I miss you," because it will hurt her, she still feels guilty of what she's done. She doesn't want to lose the only thing that motivated her. So then I said OK, I told her if she feels like telling me that go ahead, I probably won't respond back, (I won't).

So today she calls me in the morning I pick up, didn't realize who was calling me because I erased her number. It was her, she said has my mom been calling you? I said yes, she said don't pick up please, she's forcing me to be with you, I want it to come natural. I said fine, no problem.

Now here's my dilemma.

First time user here, have I screwed things up by not doing the whole NC thing? I mean what should I do at this point? I do love this chick, she knows it, she "loves me", I think she's confused with me and another guy. Should I just start NC from now on? Should I go out with her this weekend, if I get a bad vibe then end?

Help out guys!

berta146 · Feb 1, 2012, 02:58 PM

Well sounds to me you pushed this girl into another mans arms by the way you treated her she is confused and wants to take it slow because she loves you so much but doesn't want you to treat her like that anymore if I were you and you really loved this girl then start treating her with a little respect forgive and forget start slowly she is clearly sorry and understands she has made a mistake why make her life hell if you were treating her like she was something you stepped on I can't see her making this mistake again so you either have to forgive her and forget about it or leave her to move on with someone else

guyovich · Feb 1, 2012, 03:42 PM

Yea, I did some reflection. I'm going to change for her, she told me there's no one else. She texts me good morning every day, calls me at least 2-3 times, and calls me before were going to sleep. She wants to go out for dinner this weekend. I'm just going to take it slow with her then, going to court her again it seems. She's worth it to me.

guyovich · Feb 1, 2012, 10:56 PM

Update.. she called me about 3 hrs ago, I know why she's hesitant now. I left my fb on her PC logged in. She went through my messages. She's a jealous type, there was like 1-2 messages they were flirtatious but never number exchanges or more than that. So she went crazy how guilty she felt, usual I'm an *******, but like I told her Thursday went I went over, I told her I did do that, I sent messages. She didn't remember. She then said were not meant to be together. "im going to have trust issues". I told her I want to be with her, But I want to start over. As friends. She said "ok but we are not dating, we are not in relationship". So I told her, I want to be with her as a friend, then work my way up and regain your trust and be with you. She then said OK but I can't guarantee we will back. Now then should I let her be? If she contacts me, do I respond back? Do I text her Good morning and a good night? Just those two to initiate. No more. Im not going to mass text her.

berta146 · Feb 2, 2012, 05:37 AM

Yes text her morning night it seams to me starting again could be really fun I hope all works out between you both I would put everything in the past start at the beginning and trust will come in time for both of you text when ever you feel you want to say hi she will do the same that's what you usually do when you meet someone ask her out things like that good luck

talaniman · Feb 2, 2012, 06:08 PM

I would be busy, and unavailable as anything but a friend, and why you gave her the I will win you back crap is beyond me. You don't even sound that into her and maybe its for the best you not let her think you are. That's dishonest.

Plus she said she may not promote you out of the friend zone any way. Take your freedom and run! Learn a lesson about being a wishy washy disrespectful boob, and do better!!

kcthatsme · Feb 3, 2012, 01:50 PM

It really sounds like you both need to take a step back and take some time to think about whether you should be in this relationship. Time heals all wounds they say. Best of luck to you.

guyovich · Feb 3, 2012, 02:13 PM

A little update.. We've sent her a good morning text, she replied. Just small talk, how are you and such. She texts me at night, what am I up to and good night. So I guess take it slow, its funny how I just realized its our anniversary on v-day. Would love to take her out that night. But I'm not sure when I should start initiating to go out with her. I'm thinking of just letting her be this weekend and not try to respond to all her texts or calls.

kcthatsme · Feb 3, 2012, 02:17 PM

That sounds like a great idea. You know what they say... distance makes the heart grow fonder :)

guyovich · Feb 3, 2012, 02:27 PM

I've**

talaniman · Feb 3, 2012, 02:36 PM

Originally Posted by guyovich

I've**

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guyovich · Feb 3, 2012, 02:40 PM

Sorry tal, it was a typo.. Quick question though.. we were suppose to go out this weekend.. Should I even bring it up?

talaniman · Feb 3, 2012, 03:14 PM

You promised to pursue her, yet never should have. You take the risk, or you don't. I wouldn't. Hey guy you had your chance at romance, and it didn't work. I doubt it will again, so give this some thought for a while and make up your mind.

berta146 · Feb 4, 2012, 06:54 AM

I would if you have agreed to this then go have fun you have both said how much you love each other you have both made mistakes I don't see one reason as to why you can't start again I done it in a relationship and 4 years down the line were still together and in love with two amazing kids I'm not sayiny you need to jump back in just take it slow build up the trust and enjoy each others company if you decide your not for each other then that's fine I just don't see why give up on love if that's truly how you feel about each other she sounds really sorry and I can understand why she done it but you both have to come to decide weather your going to see other people or not no texting new interests on both side make a choice if your going to make this work and have no regrets in life