[Regal05216]

It's been at least 3 months since our 2nd break up and 7 months since the first. The first time we broke up was due to the inability of being able to see each other and difficulty of communicating (we just graduated high school). We tried our best but in the end, summer had taken it's toll, and we both decided to end the relationship due to stress over the both us with family, school things of that sort (later on I realize she has difficulty on deciding on what she wants in just about everything in life, so that was a factor, another was that she has been other relationships before we met and all them were very short lived, longest for her was 2 months,and the guys were always jerks, so long term commitment was foreign to her) We both realized that due to the stress neither of us could make each other happy if we weren't happy with ourselves. We ended on a good note. A week later she moved.

For a month I never saw, heard or knew anything from her. Then she finally contacts me and we start talking like were best friends again. I could tell she still had emotions for me and likewise on my end. We decided to go out again in Oct. While I was happy with her, I felt like my love wasn't what it used to be. The best way I've been to describe it is like in the horror movies, with the walls having peoples faces stretching the walls to a point. I felt that my love was there but dormant and to a point. 4 weeks into it, and we have a conversation and I learn the feeling that I had, she was having as well. We decided to end it again. And next day we go trick n treating. We still keep talking to each other afterward. Almost everyday. I must add that to see her, is very difficult due to her work and her mother, she's 18 and what not but she still lives with mother which is also very strict.

The few times we did see each other we always ended up making out. We both knew it was crazy, unhealthy but we kept talking to each other. And after awhile she started calling me babe and baby at least a couple times we talked. I should have wrote this in the beginning but when we first started to get know each other was purely to become friends which ended up as something else later, but for the longest time we were back and forth on what we were due to some stupid choices I made. As a joke we laughed that in theory we were together for a year and 4 months. We were officially together for 8months. But me and her went through thick and thin together. So when we kept making out every time we kept seeing each other, we felt like we were back to square one. Never knowing what we are to each other. I always knew what had to be done, I knew it was wise to cut off communication with other to get over each other. But I was too selfish and afraid to do it. New years hits, and her big no no is for me to over due drinking due to my family past of alcoholism and me going through an entire month after we broke up the first time of just pure drinking to cope with my emotions (which I knew and know it was stupid but I wanted to take the easy way out of the pain). I got drunk off my a#$ and decided to go see her at her house. I started demanding how she truly felt about me before I left for national guard(I guess my drunk self thought I was heading to Vietnam or something). And that was the last straw for her. She told me that very morning after I woke up that until I seem healthy to her, until we no longer have the thing where we don't know what we are, until we can just be friends, she wanted her space and to not speak to each other. Which hurt because it sucks to pretty much be told by someone you care dearly to pretty much go f#%k off,leave her alone and that I hurt her enough to the point of tears. We always joked, that maybe if we ended violently and angry it would be easier for the both of us, I guess we got our wish, I really wish we didn't. I understand what I did was beyond wrong and I learned a big lesson from it.

We stopped talking for a bit but after two weeks we talked for a bit. But we barely talk now and days. Which I know it's really just barely been a month since new years but it seems longer then that for some reason to me. I finally did see her again since we decided to go to the fair. For the most part she kept switching back and forth to being angry with me, almost trying to prove she no longer needs me in her life, to her being nice and doing really small things she did when we were together.
That was about a week ago. And part of me is fine. I think realistically about everything. Yet there's always a feeling of missing her and love for her, pretty much the part that hasn't moved on. And while I understand everything, my emotions and thoughts are doing there own thing. I have had other relationships before me and her first started but I never really loved any of them other then my first girlfriend which I later learned what puppy love since I was just 14 with her so I was young. But I can honestly say this girl that I can't get over for some strange reason, was my first love. I don't know what to really do. I know time is my answer but it's difficult and I can't stand it. I work, I'm in school, I'm soon to start doing everything for national guard to leave for training yet barely any of it can distract me from it.

I just would like to hear what others think about this and possibly what I should do. Every since new years, I have had not one drop of alcohol.

[berta146]

I think not drinking is best and glad that you have not touched a drink its hard but think you need to move on from this relationship as it doesn't seam healthy for you both over time you will heal but I would make a clean break from this girl best of luck

[talaniman]

Stay sober my friend, and see what life does bring you. I think you both are to young to do anything but make out, but leaving her alone gives you time to get YOURSELF under control, and head in the right place. You are supposed to miss a great love of your life when they are gone.

[Regal05216]

Merged and edited with original post

As of now, we talk once and then when I see her at school. And once a week on the phone. I have been giving her the space she asked for. I never call her, she is always the one that calls. But recently, she has been stressed with her work, school etc. Last week she brought up that she wanted to commit suicide. She calmed down from then but it's still a thought floating in her head. I know she isn't BS due to the fact she used to bring up once and then back before we ever went out. And stopped once we got together but started again after we broke up(during the one month we stopped talking all together, I later learned when we finally talked again.) she always tells me when she try's, it's with pills but she can never die. I am taking this very serious and am there for her if she needs anything. I have talked to some people about this, they say that what I'm doing is fine, but they believe she may just want attention, due to one of the things she told me was that she feels like almost all of her friends have left her and are never there for her other then me and one other friend (but I'm the only one that knows about her contemplating suicide) and that she just be trying to get a reaction out of me.

I paid very careful  attention to her telling me about everything, I feel that she is serious about this and not yanking my chain. But part of me does feel she does want some sort of attention. Before she told me, she kept treating me with a cold shoulder. I never bothered her and she was the one contacting me if we did talk. When I finally had enough and slammed my foot down on her asking why she was acting this way with me and me only and with no one else. As well that everyone has noticed the same. She said that she doesn't hate me but that she did it because it her just wishing I would walk away, turning my back at her like everyone else has. And then she tells me about her contemplating. She has been okay with me now.

But now I don't know what to believe. Am I being played? I'm there for her anytime she needs me but on my own accord and respecting her wishes still, I leave her alone. She wears the things I bought her before any of this. And she still wears a wristband that she took from me, her response when I asked her why she wears it still, is because it reminds her of me. I may be looking too fair into this but I'm just at a loss. People say leave it be cause I could be having my chain yanked but I don't want to in the case she isn't, I'm a sucker for helping people, its my nature to help and be there, it kills me if I don't.

So I really need to know what anyone and everyone feels I should do, any advice on this, what may be going through her mind and if you believe I'm being messed with or not. I love this girl and I do care about her dearly. 

[talaniman]

You cannot help her, you are just not qualified, or experienced. She isn't a healthy partner either, so love and romance is not possible.

Leave her alone now, and stop being her emotional tampon and pray she wants to get the right help on her own. Frustrating and sad, but you are killing her with your kindness, and her dependency on you can be dangerous.

Sorry.