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hwytech · Jan 25, 2012, 04:47 AM

February 20th, 2011, my left me because I refused to let her daughter, my step who was 15 at the time, let her 19 year old boyfriend live with us. She said if he can't stay, she's not staying. That's not what I was expecting to hear, and she left, and went to stay at my 1st ex wife's house, who does drugs.

Now my wife does them. 6 months after she left I found out while she was doing drugs, she slept with 5 other guys, then she met a guy at a bar on a Friday, and moved in with him on Monday. This was like in October.

I just don't understand how could she throw 14 years of marriage away. Now she's got someone, and all I do is stay sad, and lonely. And we were very church going people. Please help me.

cdad · Jan 25, 2012, 05:16 AM

I hope that the divorce process has been started already. It sounds like a problem that has been there already and niether of you have seen it. Now it is over and you must deal with it. If your having deep troubles you might want to consider therapy. Don't rely on a church for that. Just the fact of going to church doesn't make the a relationship stronger. Don't lose your faith. But don't look at it as a panacea.

joypulv · Jan 25, 2012, 07:05 AM

Somehow I don't think she left because of that one thing. More like she was building up to it for a long time and needed something to push her over the edge. Going off to do drugs has absolutely nothing to do with concern over her daughter; in fact it seems bizarrely unrelated. It seems more like an attempt to shock and punish you, especially when she stayed with your ex.
Maybe someday she will be able to articulate it all and tell you. You can't blame either one of you.

hwytech · Jan 25, 2012, 10:12 AM

Well she just got off probation in November then started smoking this fake pot which started her on that path

talaniman · Jan 28, 2012, 03:29 PM

Probation for what? You gave your heart to the wrong person, and should be glad she is gone. That's a blessing for all the sad feelings. I can bet she just didn't go from the good church wife to a dope fiend slut over night, and no doubt this is hardly out of the blue.

Your 14 year marriage was hell, and now you are free to have a healthy happy life. Take it, and run!! Come on guy, 2 failed marriages?? That alone says a lot.

joypulv · Jan 28, 2012, 04:42 PM

Almost everyone here, everyone everywhere in the US, has had that sinking feeling 'why could he or she just walk away from X years with me.' Of course it hurts, of course it's lonely, of course it's puzzling. But look around you! It's an epidemic. If being alone is what bothers you most, rest assured there are countless women out there who were dumped by their husbands, and they are in the same pain as you.

You just sort of casually mention probation like it's baking a cake. I'm sorry, but there's something disconnected about how you sound as far as understanding people. As though all this nice normal church going life was mostly your idea. But somewhere out there is someone more like you.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 28, 2012, 08:19 PM

She is gone and as for as the 19 year old moving in with a 15 year old, in most places it is even illegal ( if they have sex which I assume they would) So you were right there, But obviously there was a lot more going on for longer and this was just a excuse to leave which most likely she was already planning on doing.

Perhaps she never was that real church going lady and was living a lie in your eyes, or she may have changed back to a old life style for some reason.

You should start counseling and move on as you can.