[ivalice]

I've been so up and down lately but it seems like I've been more down than up. I'm not really sure what I feel or why I feel this way anymore, I just know that sometimes it's just unbearable.

I've lost just about everyone in my life. I have no friends, no family, no parents. There are two people I'm close to and talking to them really makes me feel a lot better but I can't always expect to do that can I? On days like this all I do is lay in bed and try to pass the time. I don't have anywhere to go, anyone to go out with, or anything to do. Truthfully I don't have the desire to do anything.

I've tried writing about it, listening to music, I emailed the Samaritans and spoke to someone on Crisis Chat. Nothing helps. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to anymore. I tell myself it's just in my imagination and that I'm being silly and have nothing to worry about but it doesn't help. I used to look forward to talking to my friend, but like I said earlier I can't keep thinking that it'll happen.

Nothing I do or tell myself is making me feel better. I'm really starting to hate myself and I hate having these thoughts.

[awesomagic]

If I'm understanding you right, your lonliness is causing depression-like symptoms. Take caution during these times. Now is not the time to analyze your life. You're feeling pretty low. Reflecting on the negative tends only to aggrivate the problem. Depression, lonliness, and despair can only be handled by breaking the pattern of thinking that got you there. When you see those thoughts and ideas creeping into your head, STOP. Tell yourself, "I'm not gonna do this today. Ain't got time for it." You really don't.

Why do you think I'm always on this site? When I'm not with sick and dying patients, I spend most of my time totally alone. It's depressing so I break the cycle. I offer what help I can to whomever I can. I go to bed feeling like it was a good day and maybe the world is a little better place and I got to participate. It's really very liberating.

Give it a try. Do something that takes you away from yourself. People are their own worse enemies, they just don't realize it. You don't even need a computer. Just let your imagination soar and be bound by nothing. What have you always wanted to do. Go do it! Jump in with both feet and be the best at whatever you choose. I do a lot of charity work. You may like skydiving, or building matchstick houses.

Just break the pattern of thinking that makes everything seem so bleak. And don't analyze. Just live as well as you can. Put on a smile and knock yourself out with life. It really is that simple. Good luck.

[Ipodtouch]

You need to focus on one thing that will make you feel happier? What could it be? Moving away? Having your own house? A job maybe? I don't know how old you are but you can start saving up to escape your current life. Moping around won't help, nor will writing about your problems. You need to face your problems!
It's like being bullied.. you either face them head on, or just carry on being bullied!