[Bulseye56]

I dated a guy for 5 1/2 yrs. He has 2 children, now 8 and 9, both of my kids are grown and gone. I have been through a lot with him, divorce, child custody battles, driving back and forth to pick up his kids (took a whole weekend) and just the everyday things of dealing with 2 kids. Now after all of this time he tells me he needs his space, he doesn't have enough time for me. Just recently, well almost 2 yrs ago, he got custody of his kids and they all live with his mom and dad. I love him very much and this has been very hurtful and heartbreaking for me. I couldn't love those kids more if they were my own. He still wants to be good friends... what do I do? He says that he won't take the kids away from spending time with me. Do I wait or do I get on?
Thanks

[rockytopman2]

I might suggest that you go to Dr. Laura, she deals with these type of questions on her radio show. From her website you can EM her and ask what she thinks you should do. I travel in my work and receive her program on my XM radio. Good Luck!!

[valinors_sorrow]

Oh dear Bulseye, I am sorry for your loss and it's a pretty sticky deal too with his kids involved. This is why people with kids tend to be slow to get involved, the possibiliy of more failure and what that does to the kids looms large. I have both had step parents and been a step parent. Its not easy even when it works.

Frankly you don't have the same "creditials" as an ex-wife/mother other than the emotional involvement with these young kids, which is (sorry to say) very likely to change as your relationship with the man changes. If you think there is a way to continue a relationship with his kids now that you are not involved with him, more power to you.

Also if this were me, I would want to take my cues from the kids about their interest in continuing with me but they are young enough, that isn't possible. I chose to continue my relationship with my step father after my mom died and he remarried but I did so as an adult. Sad to say it got weird in the end because of the woman he married and how I was a reminder of my mother to them both.

I don't see this being feasible in the long run and I don't think he is thinking any of this through -- what happens when he acquires another girlfriend? Ugh for all of you! It may be that you'll need to fall on your sword here and fade gently out of the kids lives eventually saying goodbye, as sad as that is. I would leave it up to him to explain it in detail to his kids -- that is his job, not yours.

Biological parents who divorce have a hard enough time working out a non-damaging arrangement with continued their involvement with their kids. I would be very surprised someone with less connection lasts unless the kids themselves initiiated it independently down the road.

I hope that is some food for thought. You have a tough decision to make.

[misunderstood22]

Honey don't wait. Men never seem to come around. I hate when they say they still want to be friends it's hurts so much more. But go on with your life. Of course continue to see the kids. Just don't wait for him to come and say he wants you again. It will probably never happen.