[yeshua_is_love]

Let me just give you my background, which I am so ashamed of and still regretting..

From ages 2-12 I was physically, mentally, and sexually abuse by my father and his friends. I didn't grow up with any religion but always prayed to God and loved Him.
When I was 12 my mother found out what my father has been doing to me and kicked him out of our lives. Around that time, I decided to save my virginity for marriage. I even had a purity ring (with no religious connection)

When I started high school I had my first boyfriend and we dated for a year and wanted to get married, though we did have a type of sexual relations we still never had intercourse. (we broke up from too many differences, not sex-related)

After we broke up, a lot of guys wanted to go out with me, but they wound up leaving me because I would not have sex with them.

Then I met my next serious boyfriend, I fell deeply in love with him. I truly thought we were soul mates. Our relationship went at a very slow and steady pace. Once again, we had sexual relations over time but he knew what I promised to myself. Over time, he slowly talked me into having premarital sex with him. We were talking about marriage and plannning etc, I loved him so much I eventually gave in when I was 17.. However it was special the first time, it was morelike a spiritual connection.. In my head I figured "well were going to get married anyway so.."


After that, our relationship changed... of coarse..

He seemed to lose interest, and things between us got very messy. We broke up about 20 times. In between those times, I just went crazy. I was crying everyday, I wanted to die, I was so heartbroken I did anything I could to numb the pain... and this is where things got worse..

I drank a lot and I became extremily permiscuous, I dated every guy that asked me out and of coarse they only wanted me for one thing... but this time they got it...

But hear me out, this was not pleasurable for me, I just felt numb like I didn't care about what happened to me or if I died the next day.Nothing mattered to me and I was so lost...

I was also in the process of picking a religion but at that point it wasn't my focus however one of my friends invited me to church. When I got there... I just couldn't hold back the tears, I started sobbing so hard and got on my knees. I was considering Christianity but I didn't take the time to know enough about it.


Now I am 19, I have another serious boyfriend who is 24... But he's so different then anyone else. He actually cares about my happiness, in fact, that is his #1 goal is to keep me happy.. And he shows me this with actions and not words. I've become close to his family and he's become close to mine, so far everything has been going very smooth and I have been very happy.


But there is one thing I'm not sure of. We have had the opportunity to have sex many times even though we didn't.. but eventually it just happened. After that, nothing has really changed except we are closer to each other and that's when I met his family etc...


Recently, I've brought Christ into my heart as my savior and have been going to bible study and reading on my own as well. And now I feel extremily guilty about having premarital sex. I want to follow the book word-for-word... but it is extremily hard as I feel it is too late. 2 days ago I was baptized. I have been feeling really good about my decision with God and His son and I have been getting more involved in church.


Now that I am baptized, I don't want to have sex (meaning I want to but I don't feel it's the right thing at the moment), I feel so guilty about it now but I feel there's no turning back.

I am pretty sure that if me and my boyfriend stay together for at least a year he will propose to me and I am no longer a virgin so I can't feel the same way I felt when I was a virgin. I have asked forgiveness for my sins for a am truly sorry and tears are coming to my eyes as I am typing right now. But repenting will be hard as there are 2 people involved in this. I feel uncomfortable telling him that I don't want to have sex anymore, as it is we only do it once a month at most.

So, I just wanted to know, in your opinion is it wrong to continue having intercoarse with him? Should we get married sooner? Is it still sin? I'm not even sure what questions to ask... this may be something that only God as the answer to.. As people may see WHAT you do... God sees WHY you do it..

[SadDad031507]

First thing you need to understand is that with God it is never too late to do the right thing He has fogiven you for all of your past transgressions. That being said yes you need to stop do not hurry into a marriage just because you have had sex and do not want to tell him no share with him your faith . Secondly pray pray pray ask Gods will upon your life if it is His will then you both will be joined together before The Almighty and with His blessing your marriage will flourish. This will not be easy but trust in God and He will always pull you through

[dwashbur]

The short answer is, yes it's still sin. I wouldn't rush to get married just because of the sexual activity, because there's a LOT more that goes into marriage than just a sex life. Can you stop? That depends on both of you. If you're both committed to living a more godly life - not to mention avoiding the obvious potential pitfalls, like pregnancy, because no contraceptive is 100% reliable - then you can resolve to stop, and when the urge happens, sit down and pray or something like that instead. Will you stop? Again, that depends on you. You have the capability; the real question is whether you both have the will. Nobody here can answer that except you.

[cherished777]

Did you ever receive therapy or seek out a christian counsellor for the sexual abuse and trauma you endured? Girls who have been sexually abused have a tendency to be more premiscious because it's what they are taught by the sexual abuse.

It is still a sin to continue committing fornication. Satan knows where we are weakest and will use it against us to tempt us. When you make the decision to receive Christ in your heart and become His child, Satan will tempt us even more. James 4:7-8 says that we need to submit to God and to Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw close to God and He will draw close to you.

You need to be open and honest with your boyfriend about your faith and that you can no longer engage in sexual sin unless the two of you marry. Is your boyfriend a christian? If he is, he needs to repent and live in purity until the two of you deicide to marry. Having a relationship with someone who is not a christian is very difficult because they do not share your faith and can be a very rocky relationship. My best friend's husband is not a christian and she is a devout catholic and it came to the point where she couldn't even talk about Jesus in the home and he wanted her to take down the crucifixes out of their home.

Pray often and ask God to direct you where He wants you to be and ask Him to take complete control of your life. He's in the driver's seat and you in the passangers seat. When God is in control, everything goes right!

[graceyj20]

First, I'd like to commend you for your interest in following Gods commands. In a world where anything goes and if it feels good do it, even considering things like this seems absurd to many.

Regarding the appropriateness of continuing a premarital sexual relationship consider 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 "For this is what God wills, the sanctifying of YOU, that YOU abstain from fornication; 4 that each one of YOU should know how to get possession of his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5 not in covetous sexual appetite such as also those nations have which do not know God" (NWT)

Please also consider 1 Corinthians 7:39 "A wife is bound during all the time her husband is alive. But if her husband should fall asleep [in death], she is free to be married to whom she wants, only in [the] Lord" (NWT)

When considering marriage, it's important to ask yourself if you have the same core beliefs as your potential spouse. If not, you will likely continue to run into conflicts with your spouse on important matters throughout your marriage.

Regarding your ability to abstain from premarital sex, God has provided us all with the gift of free will. We can choose to do whatever we want although clearly you may have additional difficulty due to your difficult past.

Sometimes choosing to do the right thing can be very difficult. Indeed we all struggle with this at times. Note the Apostle Pauls' words at Romans 7:19 "For the good that I wish I do not do, but the bad that I do not wish is what I practice" (NWT)

Continue reading Gods word, meditate on it, and seek to do his will. You may want to consider this article on the topic of premarital sex. http://www.watchtower.org/e/20040722a/article_01.htm

[Fr_Chuck]

You should and of course stop having sex with him, if that is the conviction in your heart.
In fact it may be you finding religion and accepting Christ that separates you and the new boyfriend,? Is he a Christian, has he accepted Christ, will he be going to church with you. Will he respect your beliefs?

you can not have a "first time" again, but you can have a "first time" after being born again and being cleansed of your sin. Remember you after your conversion are a new person, so you now have no sin from past sexual issues in you, So spiritually you are a "VIRGIN" in that sense. So you now have something very very special to give him after you are married.

[yeshua_is_love]

He is Catholic and I am Christian/Messianic Jewish. Sex is not important in our relationship, and it is not objectifying either. I know that God's purpose for sex is to procreate (of coarse with someone you have vowed to GOd to commit to)

Honestly, I haven't talked to him about it. But he seems to know since we have stopped. I guess things worked out thank G-d

We do have religious differences, even though we both accept Christ as our savior. Honestly, I don't think their should be separation between followers of Christ. As that is what our Savior himself said, that there should be no donominations.

[HeSavedMe]

I was struggling with this myself. I was abused more than once physically and sexually when I was younger and when I got older, I became promiscuous as well. I think curiosity was the thing that beset me the most. I met someone at age 15 and we've been on and off ever since then. During our recent break-up, he dedcided to have sex with someone else and it broke my heart but I thank God that it happened because I would still be in that relationship. Satan does know exactly what you like and what attracts you, which is why usually, the sins we commit are repetitive. In conclusion, please pray for me and my situation. Pray that I continue to walk in the will of God and I maintain a mindset to please him and not this world. Thank you all for your comments and trust that with Christ anything is possible. No temptation comes upon you except what is common to man & you are MORE than a conqueror.

[ZackeryBurch]

I would encourage you to go read a question I asked in which I state a case for premarital sex.
Here's the link: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...ex-729122.html
All sex is special and meant to be so. I would not be ashamed of anything if I were you. I would just say, learn from your mistakes. My current girlfriend is the love of my life and I will love her till the day that I die. The reason I bring her up is because (she hasn't told me this, but I suspect it nonetheless) I believe that she was also sexually abused as a child. Its hard for me to stand on the outside and look in on her brokenness, but it must be even harder for you guys to be the one's broken. I would encourage you to just fall on your knees and go to God in prayer. Another thing you have to do is forgive those who sexually, mentally, and physically abused you. You also need to know that you are loved. I don't know who you are but by the same cross my God perished on, I would take a bullet for you. I don't know you, but my God commands me to love in all things. I would encourage you to love God. Also just some tips for finding a guy who is going to stick through everything with you.

1)Play hard to get, guys don't like to chase after what they can't have. Now, don't think that guys are chasing after you because they keep making sexual passes at you, that's not chasing you. I'm talking about genuine displays of love and compassion. The guy that constantly tries to make you happy (even though he has no obligation to do so), the guy that gets the door, or goes out of his way to do something special. That's the guy you're looking for.

2)Never give a guy anything until he has given you everything. Only then do you know that he is willing to trust you and love you for you.

I hope I helped you out a little. Being a woman is tough these days. I'm sorry for your situation, but I know where you come from. I attempted and failed suicide twice, I would say I'm a living and walking miracle.

[JudyKayTee]

Play hard to get? This is turning relationships into a game. Game playing, playing anything, almost always backfires. Be natural and sincere and stand up for your beliefs.

If you believe your girlfriend is suffering because of past abuse, why don't you just ask her about it?

[Godshelperdk]

Yes you must certainly can. My dear I'm sorry to here about your past but look to God for he is the directed of your future. You can do it put your mind to it and pray and ask for strength in areas where you see that you are weak and remember that Gods strength is made perfect in our weakness may god bless and keep you
As for your boyfriend you must be honest with him as honesty in communication makes for a good relationship

[classyT]

Godshelp,

I agree. It is only by God's grace. Jesus said.. "without me, you can do NOTHING". Our problem is, we don't believe that. We think we CAN do something. Stupid sheep.

Having said that, it isn't about trying to in the flesh, it is about resting in what God's Word says. If He said to FLEE fornication, HE will supply the way OUT. We need to trust Him and certainly talking to your partner is the first start.