[chillywilly1991]

I'm 20 and with my boyfriend since I was 19(I'll be 21 in march) he was my first boyfriend and I was his first serious girlfriend(he's 28). At the beginning it was all just fun and games and after 6 months he broke up with me because he didn't want a realationship, but after two weeks of continuos contact(mostly his part) we got back together and things have been amazing.
But for the last 6 months or so, our sex life has been dwindling. We can go through periods of just once every two weeks which I find difficult as I only see him on the weekends. I noticed that when I tried to initiate sex I.e kissing, touching he would simply give me a peck and pull me in for a hug. I used to ask if we could have sex that evening(he lives at home with his mom and brother so we can't be spontaneous) and he would assure me we would have a good time, and every occasaion he would make (what seemed to be to me) exscuses, say watch dvds until the early hours and then say it was late so we best go to sleep or go on the internet and look up sights. There were many nights I would cry myself to sleep and eventually it was too much and I wrote down what I wanted to say, if said it face to face he wouldn't understand as I would be non-stop crying). He apologised and said he didn't no what it was and re-assured me it wasn't me it was just he was never in the mood. Things were OK for awhile and gor better but we'r now back to where we were but slightly worse. During the entire Christmas period( I had holidays so I spent the majority of my time with him) we wouldn't have sex unless we'd be drinking, otherwise he was to tired,wasn't in the mood etc. We don't even do anything else sexual anymore,he gets horny and I will do other things other than sex(I know that's not the only way to be intimate and sometimes its easier when your caught for time) but he'l turn me down and just say no. I'm beginning to seriously think it's something about me, although he tells me it isn't but it's hard to believe when he says no top me. He says he thinks he might be depressed, which I can see coming through now and I'm scared it is because although his sex drive is almost nil, his need for affection has gone shooting up. He always wants/needs a hug and he was never that type of guy(he's very macho,so much so he doesn't believe that guys say "i love you", I don't know where he got that notion but I've known him so long that's not an issue). He's getting very paranoid lately too and snaps at things I say that are clearly a joke and he takes it all to heart. I started a college cours back in october(it's only for 6 months and we'r both otherwise unemployed), and I think that's bothering him because he thinks that I think I'm better than him some how, even though I would never think that. I don't know what to do, he seems scared and lately he looks like he's got a lot on his mind but he's a man so he won't tell me.

Any advice on the sex or depression thing would be much appreciated :)

[awesomagic]

I hear you saying that your boyfriend is having problems, you can't help him, and it's affecting you both. Based on what you've said, I would say it's time to seek professional help. The depression could be a problem that is killing his libido, which is a pretty frequent occurrence. Because of his "macho" tendency, he may feel that it's un-manly to seek help with a man problem from a woman, which would remove you from the equation. Don't worry. This won't be the first time that has happened.

Get him to a (male) medical doctor to see if the problem could be mild clinical depression (at this point I'm merely giving suggestions). A doctor could see the need for a low-dose anti-depressant, or could refer him to a counselor or therapist if the issue is more severe. There are numerous scenarios and I don't pretend to know half of them. But this is at least a start. If he won't open up to you then get him to someone that he will open up to.

[chillywilly1991]

Yea his father died a few years ago and he looked up to him a lot and I think he's the only person he would have talked too. He hates the doctor but I might try and see if I can make him go without making it obvious?

Thank you for your help :)

[chillywilly1991]

This is continued from the post underneath, but I've just given an update, didn't want to bother you guys my making you go and rad my post and come back so I've pasted it here:
I'm 20 and with my boyfriend since I was 19(I'll be 21 in march) he was my first boyfriend and I was his first serious girlfriend(he's 28). At the beginning it was all just fun and games and after 6 months he broke up with me because he didn't want a realationship, but after two weeks of continuos contact(mostly his part) we got back together and things have been amazing.
But for the last 6 months or so, our sex life has been dwindling. We can go through periods of just once every two weeks which I find difficult as I only see him on the weekends. I noticed that when I tried to initiate sex I.e kissing, touching he would simply give me a peck and pull me in for a hug. I used to ask if we could have sex that evening(he lives at home with his mom and brother so we can't be spontaneous) and he would assure me we would have a good time, and every occasaion he would make (what seemed to be to me) exscuses, say watch dvds until the early hours and then say it was late so we best go to sleep or go on the internet and look up sights. There were many nights I would cry myself to sleep and eventually it was too much and I wrote down what I wanted to say, if said it face to face he wouldn't understand as I would be non-stop crying). He apologised and said he didn't no what it was and re-assured me it wasn't me it was just he was never in the mood. Things were OK for awhile and gor better but we'r now back to where we were but slightly worse. During the entire Christmas period( I had holidays so I spent the majority of my time with him) we wouldn't have sex unless we'd be drinking, otherwise he was to tired,wasn't in the mood etc. We don't even do anything else sexual anymore,he gets horny and I will do other things other than sex(I know that's not the only way to be intimate and sometimes its easier when your caught for time) but he'l turn me down and just say no. I'm beginning to seriously think it's something about me, although he tells me it isn't but it's hard to believe when he says no top me. He says he thinks he might be depressed, which I can see coming through now and I'm scared it is because although his sex drive is almost nil, his need for affection has gone shooting up. He always wants/needs a hug and he was never that type of guy(he's very macho,so much so he doesn't believe that guys say "i love you", I don't know where he got that notion but I've known him so long that's not an issue). He's getting very paranoid lately too and snaps at things I say that are clearly a joke and he takes it all to heart. I started a college cours back in october(it's only for 6 months and we'r both otherwise unemployed), and I think that's bothering him because he thinks that I think I'm better than him some how, even though I would never think that. I don't know what to do, he seems scared and lately he looks like he's got a lot on his mind but he's a man so he won't tell me.


So little update, its now been three weeks of nothing,just hugging and kissing. Every time I try to bring it up,he just avoids it and pretends he can't hear me and tells me to get over myself(not in an ******* way,but in a oh what's the big deal way)
I've tried talking to him about it, ask him what's going on but he just denies there's a problem,I said to him oh do you remember the last time we had sex and he said when,I just said there's your answer. I can't help but say things to him because I'm so frustrated, I just don't see how he can't see there's an issue, and it's a continuos cycle of me asking for sex, him promising me we will, us not having sex, me saying something along the lines of why don't u want to have sex with me,me apologising for being harsh but that I'm just frustrated,him saying oh we'l definitely do it the next night, us not having sex , etc. I wouldn't be so upset about it all if he accepted there was an issue too instead of just ignoring it. I feel like such a ***** at times because I don't understand why I can't just be happy we'r together,seeing as he never wanted a reralationship.