[aggie100]

My boyfriend is back from the states. And asked me to marry him without telling my family. What can I do?I love him but I am so confused, we share a twoyear old baby girl.

[ScottGem]

Why does he not want to tell your parents? Do they not like him because he got you pregnant?

Starting a marriage in secrecy is not a good idea.

[DoulaLC]

Is he not wanting you to tell them that he asked, or is he wanting you to marry him and not tell them that you got married? Keeping a proposal a secret for awhile is one thing, keeping a marriage a secret is entirely different.

Why doesn't he want your family to know about it? If it is a marriage he wants you to not tell about, would you want to keep your marriage a secret? How long do you think you could not let anyone know about it?

Starting any relationship on deception usually does not go well. If the two of you are mature enough to be getting married, you should be mature enough to handle family concerns.

If there are concerns about what your family thinks of him, you can be very sure it will only be worse once they learn of his asking you to keep it from them. If you can help it, you don't want to be caught in the middle with feeling loyalties to him and to your family. That is very difficult to manage.

If he is thinking eloping would be a nice surprise, and your family would welcome him into the family, that is different.

[Cat1864]

I think there is a lot of information missing such as how old you are and how long you have been a couple. Were you a couple when he was in the states? How long was he away? Did your parents support your relationship through all of this time or do they think you are dating someone new? Is he planning on telling his family?

Basically, you end the confusion by communicating with him.

Make certain there isn't any miscommunication happening such as it is the planning to get married/ceremony he wants to keep quiet instead of the marriage itself. I can see several reasons for 'eloping.' With the price tag of weddings these days, it can make sense to keep costs down. If he is concerned about your family taking over any wedding plans and making it about them instead you as a couple, it would be somewhat understandable. However, I can think of no really good reasons to hide a marriage.

Keep in mind that two year olds can and will let cats out of bags so trying to keep anything 'secret' for very long may not be possible.

Quite frankly, if you have any misgivings about getting married, then don't. If you have been long distance for awhile, it might be best to wait and get to know each other again now that you are in the same place. Take a moment to breathe and decide what you want. Then talk with him and see if there is a compromise.

Good luck.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, with what little info given, sorry I would just say no