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iamone · Jan 9, 2012, 03:12 PM

My husband and I have been together for 7 years. When we first started dating, I was 19, already had a 3 year old child, had no education, job, lived with mom, etc... So needless to say, I had pretty low self-esteem.

In the beginning of our relationship, I remember hearing him talk disrespectfully to his mother a lot (He gets that from his father, who also doesn't respect women. They both believe women are stupid and in every way inferior to men.). Anyway, shortly after my husband and I got "serious," he started disrespecting me too and has ever since. He calls me bad names all the time, acts annoyed when I ask him innocent questions because he says my questions are stupid, won't tell me where he's going when he leaves because he says it's not my business, etc.

He is in the National Guard, and has to go to drills once a month for a weekend, and I can't even ask him in advance when his drill will be because he gets mad and says I don't need to know.

The biggest problem is that I am different now than I was when we first started dating. I am almost finished with my bachelor's at my local university, I have a good job, and accordingly my self-esteem has gone up. I now feel like he has no right to be so disrespectful toward me. I feel like I deserve so much more, although he doesn't believe so. I try to talk to him about this but he refuses to have a conversation about it. I've told him I want a divorce and he doesn't believe me. I don't know what to do. He's also never romantic at all, but he's never been that either. Is it selfish for me to leave him now after I've put up with this for so long? We have one child together (3 years old) and I am pregnant again now.

tickle · Jan 9, 2012, 04:16 PM

You got pregnant again with this person, and you have moved on considerably from what you say, I take my hat off to you for what you have probably been through and trying hard to keep it all together. Now you are stuck.

Is he reasonable when you talk go him ? Does he drink ?

He doesn't respect you, after becoming pregnant the second time, you thought it would make a difference?

Sorry iamone, you are better off on your own and SAFER

talaniman · Jan 9, 2012, 05:32 PM

I don't think its selfish to want better for yourself, be respected, loved, and honored. Make a plan and make a believer out of him.

Good Luck.

DoulaLC · Jan 9, 2012, 09:00 PM

It won't be easy, but it sounds as though you certainly would be better off without him. Staying will only bring you more of the same. Can you picture yourself going through what his mother has all these years? How truly heartbreaking for her.

Besides yourself, you have your children to consider. There is no possible way that an environment like that would be emotionally, and possibly physically, healthy for a child. Just imagine what they would be learning about relationships.

Speak to a lawyer, have the support from trusted friends and family before you bring it up again. One of those weekend drills just might be his turn to wonder where you have gone.

talaniman · Jan 10, 2012, 09:29 AM

Besides yourself, you have your children to consider. There is no possible way that an environment like that would be emotionally, and possibly physically, healthy for a child. Just imagine what they would be learning about relationships.

You see what your husband learned from HIS father, and its reasonable to think your children will learn the same thing from their father.