Check out some similar questions!

xysafx · Dec 30, 2011, 05:05 AM

I've been with this guy for about 4 months- he's everything I've ever wanted in a guy, I always feel like I get hurt in relationships, but this guy is amazing, I had only just let myself believe I loved him, when he went away for a few weeks. When he went away we still talked every day on Facebook etc, but he began to get really aggressive.. He keeps telling me he's going to hurt me and make my life miserable if I lie to him.. I'm not allowed to leave my house or see anyone whilst he's away.. I don't know what to do or say to him, I really like him and in between the fights he tells me he misses me and that we'll be together, but he can be really hurtfull.. It started when I pierced my ear- I told him about it, and he started calling me a stupid f***ing bi**h, saying why didn't I ask him before I did it.. I was completely shocked, he's never done ANYTHING like this before.. I keep telling myself something must be wrong.. I'm worried about him.. How am I meant to explain to him that I would never cheat on him and I'm not going to lie to him? Please help, I'm so worried and its starting to scare me..

Kahani Punjab · Dec 30, 2011, 05:34 AM

Xysafx,

Firstly, welcome to this great site!

Romantic blues are common, no doubt, but you must use the space to explore the relationship. For example, when you warn him, (suppose) of leaving him, and he entreats you not to, just ask him, why he hurts you, why he uses expletives, why he uses offence bad language. Tell him you have your self-respect, dignity and everything. Moreover, if he doesn't stop, why are you sticking to that person, who can be so offensive, at least in terms of language, who can't make you relax, rather sprays salt on your hurts/injuries, even as virtually. You need not tell him repeatedly you are honest to him, just tell him once, if you want, but tell him, you anticipate same from him. Why does he doubt you? Ask him.

Do not worry. Keep the guts, have confidence, and relish the life. Do not be possessive or dependent. Life is big and large, and the world is vast and great. He is not the only man in the world, neither is he one out of millions. Is he?

Letsmakelove · Dec 30, 2011, 08:40 AM

Listen this boy here you need to get him on the phone and tell him he can't control what you do he should actually support you in you individual choices and by the way any man that means that much to some one like you but hurts you or your feelings is just someone you should ignore but still adore OK find someone new

jbhunter · Dec 31, 2011, 09:30 AM

Wow this really hit home! Im leaving 4 good this time! HAPPY NEW YEARS... WIll not question my own self into a defeating cycle of what is true& mayb's! Not again, not this time!! I read & heard the voice on that message loud & clear.. Thanks! At least I'll go out with a bang!

talaniman · Dec 31, 2011, 11:11 AM

DUMP HIM, or in 6 months he will be kicking your a$$ for having the wrong shirt on. And you will wonder what you did wrong. Its not you, its him, he is dangerous.

Run while you can and make sure everyone knows you are running, and why, so they can help you. Trust me, this ain't love, and its not healthy.

odinn7 · Dec 31, 2011, 11:41 AM

Originally Posted by xysafx

I've been with this guy for about 4 months- he's everything I've ever wanted in a guy, I always feel like I get hurt in relationships, but this guy is amazing

Man, if I had a dime for every girl that says something like this on here...

So, he's everything you've ever wanted and is amazing... No guy is amazing and all you could want if they treat you like this.

He tells you he will hurt you, make your life miserable, controlling what you do and when, and calling you disrespectful names... this is amazing and everything you've ever wanted? Really? Think about it for a little while.

He is a worthless piece of garbage and he is not going to get any better. He is starting to show you his true self now and he is a controlling jerk who doesn't care for you as a person, you are just an object.

Save yourself and dump him before he starts hitting you and you convince yourself that he's doing it because he loves you.

Jake2008 · Dec 31, 2011, 12:10 PM

You did not know the real him, when you started dating. Controlling men (or women) never start with anything other than what they need superifically, in order to establish what they need, and that is a controlling position, over another.

It starts with what seems like an out of character behaviour, or action, such as those you've described. What that means is, he is removing all barriers in his way, to achieve that goal of total control.

Most likely this continued behaviour will result in physical abuse. Particularly if you don't allow your liberty to be taken from you, and you stand up for yourself.

What you don't realize is that, very often, this slippery slope to control, will leave you thinking that all of the behaviour, led up to only more of the same, only worse, more severe. A year from now, had you had a piercing, it likely would have ended up in a beating.

Do your research. Call a local shelter and ask about this type of abuse, and find out how many of the signs you see now, are signs that they have seen a million times with beat up women in their care.

Leaving the relationship, will be as hard, if not harder, than starting it. YOu must also do your research and get advice on how to safely protect yourself.

The period of breaking up particularly, too often, leads to death.

Take this seriously, get a plan in place, and get the hell out.

Tatla · Jan 2, 2012, 06:41 AM

You should try to resolve the issue either by communication with the partner, or try to deal with the issue by talking to the relatives, yours or hers. I wait for your reaction.

sanjanajish · Jul 20, 2012, 11:27 AM

Hi
Same gng wit me. I had been wit my boyfriend since 4ys. Nd he olwys doubt and use abuse words and tel me you nt lookng good and ol and when we meet he olways be good with me
Please help what to do?
I love thz guys so much and cnt leave witout him.

mmresd · Jul 20, 2012, 12:14 PM

He does it because you allow him to. Tell him that if he treats you that way that you will leave, and if he does it again that is exactly what you do, you leave... There is no point in sticking around with someone who doesn't have any respect to you, someone who doesn't appreciate your company, takes you for granted, and especially threaten you. You are better off alone to tell you the truth, why should YOU have to suffer when you are doing nothing wrong and yet his insecurities make him jealous, possessive, and obsessive? Teach him a lesson, one that everyone that acts this way must learn, the same one that I personally learned the hard way, LEAVE HIM. Thos problems are his, let him deal with them on his own, when he learns to trust himself and learns to trust others tell him to give you a call, for now, get him out of your life. Remember that verbal abuse is a step to physical abuse.