[ntanis]

Hi, I have a friend who is in her mid 60's. She called me last night crying because once again her 39 year old daughter said some very hurtful things to her. I need to know if what I said is close to what others would think. You need the history. This lady left her ex-husband because he was abusive, racist against her, and controlled her and the two daughters they had together. She left him with nothingbut the clothes on her back, she was so emotionally abused and physically abused that she just left.
She built another life for herself. She always kept in touch with her daughters who stayed with their father because their was just no fight left in her anymore and she could not provide for them until later in their lives. She attended all their soccer games and other activities so they at least would know that she was there. She has helped out the youngest one (39) financially when asked. Now, both daughters are distant with her. The oldest married a non-Aboriginal and invited her mother because she felt she had to. She told her mother she could only come, not her grandma, or any aunts, cousins, or uncles. That's one example. The youngest one only comes around when she needs money. She is a social worker in the counseling field, presents a very different personality when she is out in public as a caring person. Her mother, my friend, is diabetic, just had a pace maker put in, is losing her sight, and has so many other health issues to mention. This daughter feels she does not have to listen to her mother's constant complaining about her illnesses and told her mom she could not make her feel guilty about her health issues. This is wayyyyy too long. Sum up : I told the mother the daughter is self centered, raised by her father to hate her, and that she was still trying to get love and respect from her daughters for all of their adult lives just as she did with her first husband. She could pass on anytime, so I said you know this is YOUR life, YOUR journey, if they still want to make you feel bad about yourself then don't give them that opportunity, enjoy YOUR life. Do what makes you happy. The daughters have issues but will not deal with them or don't recognize they have them because their father treats their mother the same way. WHAT TO DO? She is not a bad person. Everyone deserves respect. Her daughters also use the granddaughters as bargaining tools. She has her 2nd husband who treats her very well and my family as close friends. She's often said she wishes I was her daughter. She loves my three daughters very much and they treat her with the utmost respect. Sorry... so long. This is just ONE person in my life. Wait till you read some of the other issues I have to deal with on a daily basis. :eek:

[shygrneyzs]

WOW! If my daughter called me and started in on me, I would hang up and keep on hanging up. I would write her and tell her that while I love her, I do not have to tolerate her behavior toward me and I will not tolerate her behavior or her attitude or her language or anything she uses against me. Her daughter is looking for a whipping post and her mother is that post. Time to go forward for your friend. Cut the any ties she has and tell her daughter that IF the daughter can straighten up, then and only then is the daughter welcome. Everyone deserves the same respect. No one deserves to be beaten down for no other purpose except (from what it looks like) for the other person to vent some anger.

[talaniman]

Its her life amd she should cut any and all problems for it. As a grandparent my grandkids will never be used as a bargaining chip, period. Tell them to(very bad language)and leave you (more bad language) alone. The sooner we turn our backs on bad people and their behavior the sooner we find happiness.