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kierjess · Feb 18, 2007, 08:06 AM

Ask Me Help Desk. Live answers from REAL EXPERTS. It should read: Get opinions on your life situation by people who don't know you. This so called forum is way out of control. You can post that you disagree with me or that I rub you the wrong way but geez people the guys asking for help. This is prosecution...

JoeCanada76 · Feb 18, 2007, 08:53 AM

You know what Kierjess. You are totally wrong here. Your acting bitter, your acting hateful because you do not agree with other peoples thoughts and opinions. That is exactly what you gave too, but because others did not agree with you you get all high and mighty. You do not know what prosecution is. Us giving advice, opinions and feelings about a certain persons situation, is helpful to that person. The person has many view points to look at and it is up to that person to decide what advice to take or not take. Now you made a bunch of useless posts to try to make a point. Mean while this is not about you or me or any other volunteers that give their time to help others. It is about helping this person and with his question and all you have done is rant. You're a hyprocrite. You talk about others ranting when all they gave is advice. What were you doing with the last two posts. All it was, was a rant about how poor you, poor this, disagree with me, appalled and rant forum when that is exactly what you have done that your so called speaking up against. Hyprocrite.

Joe

P.S. What do you think the poster was asking for? If you can not handle the truth, if you can not handle somebodies opinion and thoughts and feelings maybe it is best you go, improve on yourself get a thicker skin and come back. The guy was asking for help and he got lots of it. If you do not agree with it that is fine, but there is no stuffing judgement and opinions down anybody throat. This is you and issues that you need to work through.

talaniman · Feb 18, 2007, 08:54 AM

kierjess- Until you have been here and see how the forum works why not lay back and learn, or go get a REAL EXPERT elsewhere. Its on you. Did anyone rant on your posts?

valinors_sorrow · Feb 18, 2007, 09:34 AM

Just a reminder that when an aspect of a thread becomes a topic in itself, better to start a new thread that includes a copied-n-pasted link to the original thread in the Members Discussion forum rather than highjack the original thread. It is how I have seen it done here and its quite effective.

ordinaryguy · Feb 18, 2007, 10:10 AM

Originally Posted by kierjess

This isn't helping Rob. All this is doing is making him feel worse.

He's perfectly capable of speaking for himself, and so far, he hasn't said this. Take the chip off your shoulder and allow for a little diversity.

Hotrob · Feb 19, 2007, 06:07 AM

I am sad to tell most of you Kierjess is right.None of this has helped me in the least. I asked for answers from so called experts.I had a few that were actually reasonable to listen to.Then there are people with no life experience with marriage at all spewing there so called wisdom. All I wanted were some ideas,and I have only been spanked like a out of control child. Thank you all!

JoeCanada76 · Feb 19, 2007, 06:13 AM

How do you know if no one here has life experience with marriage?

valinors_sorrow · Feb 19, 2007, 06:23 AM

Originally Posted by Hotrob

I am sad to tell most of you Kierjess is right. None of this has helped me in the least. I asked for answers from so called experts.I had a few that were actually reasonable to listen to.Then there are people with no life experience with marriage at all spewing there so called wisdom. All I wanted were some ideas,and I have only been spanked like a out of control child. Thank you all!

I did not spank you. Wow, I have to say this seems rather baby out with the bath water... :(

You are again doing here what I identified is causing part of your original problem. You aren't separating out what counts from what doesn't matter and working with what is left. It's a lot like the Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference?

While I clearly don't like what happened on this thread Rob (and said as much WITHOUT CRITICIZING ANYONE in Post #24), you've now set it up that if someone else with a truly helpful idea comes along, they have to risk your wholesale condemnation and disappointment to post it here. That's not good either and I am again not spanking you Rob, I am STILL talking about how to get to a solution. If you would effectively prioritize first, you might get somewhere in this one. Its bears asking yourself: do you want to talk about irrelevant sidebars or do you want to talk about the solution? They are different topics.

I offer no apology here as I don't believe sticking to the topic and politely telling the truth should require one.

talaniman · Feb 19, 2007, 06:32 AM

Just out of curiosity, I would really like to know what your counselor suggested if its not personel. Truthfully there are no magical solutions for you and either your looking for a quick fix or your mind is made up and your seeking justification for your actions. Sorry you didn't get what you came for, but you did get honesty. Because you choose a course doesn't mean others will agree. That's life. Whatever others say, it will still be you who decides what's best for you. It would help to talk to a counselor about it if that's an option.

Synnen · Feb 19, 2007, 08:03 AM

My apologies if I offended.

You asked if you still loved your wife enough to make it work. I gave you my opinion based on my marriage of 10 years, and my parents marriage of 32 years. My parents were in a horrendous accident 7 years ago that left my mom on crutches for 6 months, and my dad on bedrest for 4 months, in a wheelchair for 6 more, then crutches for another 4 months. I know this is not the same thing, but that's what I based my advice on.

I agree that I should not have judged you as to whether you ever loved your wife. The advice given here is great--taking a break from being the primary caretaker of your wife may give you another perspective.

Kierjess... you're an a$$. I gave my opinion, based on my experience with love and marriage. I disagreed with you, for obvious reasons: I didn't have information that you apparently had. Yelling at me isn't going to do anything but make me annoyed with you, which will make me tend to discount anything useful you might have to say. My advice was not for you, but for Rob. I just happened to state, mildly I thought, that I disagreed with you. If you can't handle someone disagreeing with you, go back to kindergarten.

Rob... My prayers are with you. You're in a tough place, and only you can determine how to get out of it. Please take the advice that so many gave here: Take a break. Get a new perspective.

I hope it works out so that both you and your wife are happier.

kierjess · Feb 19, 2007, 04:35 PM

None of this has helped him. He came to me and was depressed by all you who have had to say such negative stuff about it. You are all right... OK? I just think what he needs is a lawyer and a friend. Definitely not this.

You can all say what you want about me but I'm a friend of Rob's I've heard most of the stories from both sides. 20 yrs and then some he has gone through a loveless marriage. It started way before her disability. He was just feeling bad with the added pressure of her handicap. He just asked a question , it wasn't meant to have you judge him, which some of u did. I guess my emotions got me here too. He's a friend and he didn't deserve to be put down for wanting a little bit of happiness.So you won't have me here to add my opinions anymore. So now you can all settle down. I'll help him through this by lending an earand a shoulder.

kierjess · Feb 19, 2007, 04:40 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

kierjess- Until you have been here and see how the forum works why not lay back and learn, or go get a REAL EXPERT elsewhere. Its on you. Did anyone rant on your posts?

Nope but then I wan't married to a handicapped person either. We are going elsewhere. Thanks for everything.

kierjess · Feb 19, 2007, 04:46 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

You know what Kierjess. You are totally wrong here. Your acting bitter, your acting hateful because you do not agree with other peoples thoughts and opinions. That is exactly what you gave too, but because others did not agree with you you get all high and mighty. You do not know what prosecution is. Us giving advice, opinions and feelings about a certain persons situation, is helpful to that person. The person has many view points to look at and it is up to that person to decide what advice to take or not take. Now you made a bunch of useless posts to try to make a point. Mean while this is not about you or me or any other volunteers that give their time to help others. It is about helping this person and with his question and all you have done is rant. Your a hyprocrite. You talk about others ranting when all they gave is advice. What were you doing with the last two posts. All it was, was a rant about how poor you, poor this, disagree with me, appalled and rant forum when that is exactly what you have done that your so called speaking up against. Hyprocrite.

Joe

P.S. What do you think the poster was asking for? If you can not handle the truth, if you can not handle somebodies opinion and thoughts and feelings maybe it is best you go, improve on yourself get a thicker skin and come back. The guy was asking for help and he got lots of it. If you do not agree with it that is fine, but there is no stuffing judgement and opinions down anybody throat. This is you and issues that you need to work through.

Haha I worked through enough in my life. And I would never tell anybody they were wrong to better their life. Rob was obviously concerned for his wife which is why he asked. Maybe he put the question wrong... emotions sometimes gets the best of us. And when you've been in his shoes or mine, than you can't tell us what we need to work on. Opinions are fine just help answer the question. Is he going to get screwed by divorcing his handicapped wife? Yeah he is... but nobody asked for you people to tell him he deserves it or that he's wrong. I have very thick skin I just don't like people making someone feel bad because he didn't deserve it. And guess what? He felt really bad. That's why I came on here.

michaa · Feb 20, 2007, 05:20 PM

I live on the belief that we are here on this earth for one reason... to serve others, we are not here for ourselves... just my opinion... You married her for better or for worst till death do you part... take care of her man this life is not supposed to be comfortable.