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feelhappy · Feb 12, 2007, 01:14 PM

Hi,

I am 23 years old girl.Its been 5- 6 months I got into a relationship and in Jan we ended up making love.I am totally new to this and have no idea about sex or dates or anything at all.My boyfriend says he has some knowledge but I am not at all confident about his knowledge.By now we would have had sex like a 20 times and I AM TOTALLY SCARED IF I WILL GET Pregnant.I don't even know what to do if I get pregnant,the mental tension is killing me and making me arrogant towards him.I do not want to have sex before marriage and it is not planned but some times we end up having sex.As I do not want to appreciate sex before marriage I don't even feel like asking him to use a condom and motivate him.
I have heard tat during periods 7 days the eggs will be active and we sud avoid sex is tat so? And on Ask me just now I read about some new thing like Ovulation,which has now made me totally confused and sad.

So please tell me how to take care and avoid getting pregnant? Which are the days I Need to be careful and avoid sex? Which are the days I can have sex? Please help me with a proper answer I am mentally stressed out and disturbed as I do not have any knowledge about this topic.

Please help.

Synnen · Feb 12, 2007, 01:23 PM

Go to your doctor.

If you do not use some sort of birth control, the odds are that you WILL get pregnant.

They have a special name for the people who use the rhythm method (only having sex on 'safe' days). They call those people "Parents".

Go. Get on birth control. Determining which days out of the month that YOU, personally, are fertile, is harder than you would think.

If you are not willing to be on birth control because you think having sex before marriage is bad, or that it encourages him, then you have two choices: you can tell him NO and not have sex, or you can have KIDS before marriage.

shygrneyzs · Feb 12, 2007, 01:28 PM

Yes, that rhythmn method has created many a baby and people are so surprised when that happens. When you take the risk of having unprotected sex, sex you are not using some sort of contraceptive for, welcome to the reality of unplanned parenthood.

You can go to a public health nursing and get the right advice and help there. Some places have women's clinics that offer free or reduced care. If you do seek medical advice and counsel on this, you have no one to blame but you and your boyfriend. Remember you can say no to him and mean it. If he pressures you and makes you feel bad for not having sex with him - is he really the right guy?

saraispiel19 · Feb 12, 2007, 02:13 PM

Your 23? αnd thαt clueless?. obviously if you don't wαnt to get pregnαnt you look for αny sort of contrαceptive--αnd not even telling him to use α condom sounds weird to me... if your so worried αbout it go to the doctors αnd get some birth control.. better yet close your legs since you sαid you didn't wαnt to hαve sex till your mαrried.

If he's forcing you to hαve sex with him then thαts α different story because it seems like your too αfrαid to even tell him to use a goddαmn condom.

feelhappy · Feb 12, 2007, 02:28 PM

Listen... each time it is not formally planned tat we are going to have sex... BUT I hope you understand it ends up there.Thats is the damn reason I can't open my mouth and ask him to use a condom.If I do ask him then it will be give him a wrong idea that I am for it. Also as I said I have told him my dislike towards sex before marriage and he has agreed to stop it.But I am scared if he will be unhappy with me because of this reason.We are 100% committed and will get married.So m scared if he will feel bad or be depressed.

Synnen · Feb 12, 2007, 02:37 PM

Okay, then there's more going on than just not wanting to get pregnant.

Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't respect you, who doesn't understand how important being married before having sex is to you? And if he's that unhappy with you for NOT having sex... doesn't that make it seem as though he is just with you for sex?

I'm not trying to say that he's a sex fiend or that he's using you... I'm trying to get YOU to examine your relationship! He could be the nicest guy in the world, but if he doesn't stop before sex and knows your feelings on it, then he doesn't respect you. If YOU don't stop when you know your own morals... then YOU don't respect you.

Honey... either get on some birth control "just in case", or stop having sex. If you don't do one or the other, you're going to get pregnant.

saraispiel19 · Feb 12, 2007, 02:38 PM

αre you listening to yourself?. you obviously αre "for it" becαuse you open your legs!. αnd if both of you αre committed αnd αre going to get mαrried (you never mentioned αnything αbout him loving you ---just thαt he hαs 'αgreed' to stop)... then you hαve nothing to worry αbout if he does love you thαn he'll wαit, you shouldn't even be worried if he's going to be 'unhαppy' with you just becαuse you hαve principles, but you αre which mαkes me think thαt this guy does pressure you to hαve sex.. other wise you wouldn't be αsking this question.. αnd if like you sαid y'αll αgreed to stop doing it then you wouldn't be worried αbout getting pregnαnt...

buggage · Feb 12, 2007, 03:31 PM

OK. If you are going to have a marriage relationship, you HAVE to be COMPLETELY open with each other. If you are afraid to tell him to use a condom, then what else will you not communicate? And what major problems will arise from such a lack of communication. If you love each other enough to get married, you love each other enough to listen to anything and everything each other may communicate. It seems that the guy is being made out to be the bad guy in this situation, BUT you are equally responsible for having sex. If you think that the situation elevates too fast to even think about using a condom, that is where the complete responsibility on your part comes in. There are plenty of birth control options out there that you can use on your own part. Using a condom is still a good idea if you really want to avoid pregnancy, (which given the immaturity of the situation here, I think it would be a VERY good idea) but at least you will be taking another form of birthcontrol if you don't use a condom. Face it, you have had sex at least 20 times you said, therefore it is far too easy for you to cave and decide to have sex. He isn't the only one wanting it here. IF you were serious about it, you would resist, and he would respect your wishes. But to me it sounds as though you are consenting as well, but trying to play it off as though you are the innocent one who WANTS to abstane, but when it comes down to it, he is just too persuasive, and you don't want to hurt his feelings. You need to figure out your priorities and stick to them, or you will never get anything out of life that you want. I can not believe that you are completely ignorant to sex, how to get preggy and how to keep safe from it, at the age of 23. Unless you have never had adolescent friends, been through school, and watched TV or anything else(therefore growing up in a dark cave or something) then you have to know something about it. It WILL happen if you keep this up. Whether you are ready to be a mom or not. It will. Simple fact. You are 23 and an adult. You need to start taking control of your actions, and taking RESPONSIBILY for those actions. Make an appointment with your ob/gyn, talk to him about what the best choices for birth control for you are, and get more educated, if you are indeed that ignorant about these things.

darhe3425 · Feb 28, 2008, 09:05 PM

Get some aloe vera gel and a lemon for unprotectedn sex... look this up on internet. Also, take 1000 milligrams of vitamin C for avoiding implanting the spermtazoa into the egg. Read. And read some more. Yu are not alone. Take care of yourself.

Synnen · Feb 28, 2008, 09:13 PM

Originally Posted by darhe3425

Get some aloe vera gel and a lemon for unprotectedn sex....look this up on internet. also, take 1000 milligrams of vitamin C for avoiding implanting the spermtazoa into the egg. Read. and read some more. Yu are not alone. Take care of yourself.

They have a special name for people who use methods like this.

They're called "parents"

buggage · Feb 28, 2008, 09:21 PM

darhe3425 if these are the only methods you are using,and unless you are very lucky, you're going to end up with a pregnancy on your hands.not everything you read on the internet is true.the only thing I saw for the aloe vera and lemon was to help in soothing stds. So unless she's got issues with stds already, and wants some minor relief, this information is not much help.and talking about the vitamin c thing, taking high doses of vitamins can be dangerous and should always be discussed with a doctor before hand. Also, from my searching on the subject, it doesn't keep the sperm from fertilizing the egg. It simply makes the uterine environment too hostile for an egg to survive, thus terminating the pregnancy. And its very important to know that this is simply an unknown, and unscientifically proven "herbal remedy" and I would definitely not suggest this to people as a means of solving " pregnancy issues". The posters issues of main concern here were the facts that she could stand up to her man and make him wear condoms etc, and was afraid to get pregnant, but was looking for a easy way out, without having to actually take the birth control responsibility. I definitely do not suggest anyone start taking high vitamin doses to prevent/terminate pregnancy, in the hopes of a quick "cure". Its dangerous, and none too smart

ldyastrid · Feb 29, 2008, 11:25 AM

Originally Posted by feelhappy

Listen...each time it is not formally planned tat we are gona have sex ...BUT i hope u understand it ends up there.Thats is the damn reason i can't open my mouth and ask him to use a condom.If i do ask him then it will be give him a wrong idea that I am for it. Also as i said i have told him my dislike towards sex before marriage and he has agreed to stop it.But I am scared if he will be unhappy with me beacuse of this reason.We are 100% committed and will get married.So m scared if he will feel bad or be depressed.

Here's what I see:

You've told him you do not want to have sex before marriage

He agrees to comply

You still end up having sex... so how committed to your stance on no sex before marriage are you... really?

You are committed to each other and are going to get married, but you are afraid if you don't give in he'll feel bad or get depressed... so it's out of obligation to what that you have sex?

If you are uncomfortable talking about ANYTHING... and this seems to be a really important thing... then you aren't ready to get married... you are setting yourself up to do whatever he wants for fear that he will be sad... he's a big boy - deal with it! Not getting what you want is a part of life! If he becomes depressed or wants to end it with you because of your views on premarital sex... you really don't want to marry this guy anyway!

He doesn't seem to care too much about how having sex is effecting you... but then, if you give in, you must want it too. If he's agreed but persists anyway, how is that respecting you or your decisions?

I'd think about your true feelings about things and how you want to be treated based on your beliefs - if someone is disrepectful of your beliefs and convictions, why have them in your life?

This is a time bomb just waiting to go off... I certainly hope a child isn't a product of this union that's doomed for failure!

darhe3425 · Feb 29, 2008, 03:41 PM

Actually, they are called informed decided parents.

lindsayminar · Mar 2, 2008, 01:42 PM

Obviously there is more going on in your relatioship then what you are telling us. You shouldn't be having sex unless you really really want to. Also it sound like he is pressuring you in to having sex with him, that is not normal or healthy. It doesn't sound like you know a whole lot of english.

This relationship makes me very nervous because you say that you are 100% committed to each other and are deffinately going to get married. Also that you don't want to ask him to use a condom because you don't want him to think you want to have sex before your married. And you don't see any problem with this?

I have a funny feeling that you have been through trauma as a child, or are in a very controlling relationship. I know you probably won't listen to me. But I think that you should go and talk to a doctor about your relationship, birth control, and possibly counseling.

Please get help for yourself!

darhe3425 · Mar 3, 2008, 12:35 AM

First I would seek some counsel with a Planned Parenthood agency to get informed about how should begin to take control of your reproduction, and gain discussions about when and how you will seek sexual intercourse. It is difficult for young women in their 20's and even 30's to take control of their sexual health. I do recommend you read: Child bearing Year by Susan Weed, it's a book I think all women should have.