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Dinzie · Dec 29, 2011, 08:11 AM

Hey, I met my girlfriend online 12 months ago. She is separated 2 years and has 3 children dependent on her. She moved to where I live so that we could be together. She is pregnant and due any day soon. She has contacted other men and lied about it while we have lived together. Eventually she told me that this was true and that it will not happen again. She goes away a lot and usually comes back with stains on her underwear. This happens a lot. She is constantly looking at other men and never compliments me. I acted out a few times from my own insecurities where I accused her of been unfaithful. I am not even sure this child is mine. PLEASE can anyone suggest or advise me what I should do, Regards D.

Mini_Her · Dec 29, 2011, 08:18 AM

It seems from what you wrote that this female is not ready to settle down yet, and is still exploring multiple men. You should have a paternity test done on the child before you get too attached to him/her. You said she confessed and said it would never happen again. Did she just make the confession on her own or did you catch her cheating?

JudyKayTee · Dec 29, 2011, 08:50 AM

Originally Posted by Dinzie

Hey, I met my girlfriend online 12 months ago. She is separated 2 years and has 3 children dependent on her. She moved to where I live so that we could be together. She is pregnant and due any day soon. She has contacted other men and lied about it while we have lived together. Eventually she told me that this was true and that it will not happen again. She goes away a lot and usually comes back with stains on her underwear. This happens a lot. She is constantly looking at other men and never compliments me. I acted out a few times from my own insecurities where I accused her of been unfaithful. I am not even sure this child is mine. PLEASE can anyone suggest or advise me what I should do, Regards D.

If you are asking about the unborn child, wait until the child is born and then request DNA testing.

I don't know about complimenting you - do you need compliments to make you more secure? And what does "acting out" mean? Do you get physically or verbally abusive?

Can you live in a relationship where you don't believe she is committed to you?

Dinzie · Dec 29, 2011, 09:00 AM

Hi Mini_Her. Thanks for your reply. I caught her cheating, she was chatting online but had also gave her mobile number to 2 men who were ringing her on a regular basis. I am in a dilemma because I want to do the right thing. I think she only wants security and wants to move into my home. She would be entitled to half of it if we separate under our legislation. Her husband cheated on her and left her for a younger woman. She has no money, job or home. I feel she is only using me but does not love or desire me. She keeps telling me that it is other men who are coming on to her and that it's not her fault. She says that I am imagining everything and paranoid. I chatted to friends and they told me that they did not agree. I am involved in counselling and deep down I feel I should leave. I can ask her if she would agree to a paternity test but I know she will go crazy. I do not think I can ever be happy with her when I cannot trust her.D

Mini_Her · Dec 29, 2011, 09:03 AM

Originally Posted by Dinzie

Hi Mini_Her. Thanks for your reply. I caught her cheating, she was chatting online but had also gave her mobile number to 2 men who were ringing her on a regular basis. I am in a dilemma because I want to do the right thing. I think she only wants security and wants to move into my home. She would be entitled to half of it if we separate under our legislation. Her husband cheated on her and left her for a younger woman. She has no money, job or home. I feel she is only using me but does not love or desire me. She keeps telling me that it is other men who are coming on to her and that it's not her fault. She says that I am imagining everything and paranoid. I chatted to friends and they told me that they did not agree. i am involved in counselling and deep down I feel I should leave. I can ask her if she would agree to a paternity test but I know she will go crazy. I do not think I can ever be happy with her when I cannot trust her.D

I agree. I think you should leave. Don't let anyone use you for your money and/or home.

Dinzie · Dec 29, 2011, 09:13 AM

Hi Judy. Thanks for your reply. Sometimes I would like her to say something nice and be noticed. I do not think I need it to feel secure because I do like myself and feel secure most of the time. Acting out/ is when I am feeling hard done and not taking responsibility for myself. I have shouted and said stupid things without taking into consideration her feelings. I am not feeling excited about the birth and Christmas day her sister gave her another holiday ticket for another girls only week in Portugal. This has happened before and she said that she has no control over it and has to go, leaving me minding her children.

No I cannot live in a relationship where she is not committed to me. I am not making any rash decisions now. I will wait until after the birth and pray that the Universe will guide me in making the right call, D

Thanks Mini_Her

slapshot_oi · Dec 29, 2011, 09:58 AM

Originally Posted by Dinzie

She goes away a lot and usually comes back with stains on her underwear. This happens a lot.

Ewwww!

Originally Posted by Dinzie

I am in a dilemma because I want to do the right thing. I think she only wants security and wants to move into my home... she has no money, job or home.

That's exactly what she wants.

Just leave her.

talaniman · Dec 29, 2011, 11:08 AM

What!! Dude, put a stop to all this crap you are going through. You can have a test after the child is born, without being with someone who brings nothing to the table but work and misery.

If she can afford to go on vacation, she can afford to get a sitter. That's what baby daddys are for. I wouldn't do it, and wouldn't be with someone I DON'T trust.

Not for another second. Don't be foolish in the name of being a nice guy.

Dinzie · Dec 29, 2011, 11:11 AM

Thanks for replies everyone regards D

susangpyp · Dec 29, 2011, 06:27 PM

She sounds like she has sex addiction issues and you should think seriously about leaving this craziness. You should also request DNA tests as soon as the child is born. When does she have time to parent these children? If this child is yours, you should be committed to being very involved because it sounds as if he or she will need a father.