[4answers]

Hi Guys

I find myself in an ongoing position this is difficult for me to handle.. A case of can't see the wood from the trees. I struggle with relationships and dealing with them.

I am very poor at attracting women as my last post explains - this leads me to feel low about this.
I do not like not being liked, put in a friendship zone or disliked.

Equally so, when I have been in relationships I have found the ending very hard. Harder it seems than others do. (in some cases in my past I have handled such situations badly) We live we learn.

I do not like the parting ways on bad terms... Nobody likes to be disliked. Same as not being found attractive I guess.

My problem is I don't handle these emotions and the loneliness of being single, not attractive to the women I am attractive to or the loss of emotional value to ex's. It leads me to depression that I struggle against.

The cure is meeting someone and settling down - But that does not appear A: likely B: Healthy (As in, I should not need a relationship to not suffer debilitating depression).

So I find myself lost in direction...

I feel that I need to be able to resolve this just to be healthy and free of depression.

Any help full constructive thoughts ?

[talaniman]

You have tunnel vision, and need others to define yourself. So much so that you see happiness as being loved, and break ups as being a failure. Nothing could be further from the truth, and the real cure you are seeking are ways to make yourself happy, and enjoy the life you build for yourself, and that journey starts with you loving yourself.

Then you can enjoy what you encounter in life, and learn to let go and move forward if it ends. Love is a journey, NOT a destination, a place to get to and sit, so love yourself, and be willing to share it, and take it with you when its time to move on.

Build a life that YOU enjoy, with friends, family,and activities that makes you happy, and it will be a lot easier to grow and make adjustments to your life that work for you. Life is more than just feeling good and feeding the ego. Its about learning, growing, and experiencing, interacting with those you encounter, and sharing the experience.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes if you have depression not in a relationship, you need to deal with that, and find a way to be happy all by yourself first.

You will never find happiness through and from others, once you let a relationship decide your degree of happiness, you are doomed from the start.

Next people will dislike you, in fact with ex's they may just hate you, emotions good and bad are all part of life. You also can not control what others will think of you. When and how you allow this to effect you, long term is the real issues.

So you need to stay out of any relationship and find and define who you are and learn to be happy with yourself, If not, you will never really learn to be happy fully with another and your needs will soon destroy any relationship