[4answers]

I am pants when it comes to women...

From attracting them...
From handling ex's moving on...

I am just rubbish...

I would love to be able to easily attract beautiful women, form a relationship and if it ends part on friendly civil terms...

But it never works out that way... The women I like don't want me, the women who want me, I don't like. Ex's are on bad terms... * * * . (Even after an apology... lol).

(I guess I do not like someone not fancying me or losing that once had emotional interest)... Don't handle that to well.

[talaniman]

Join the party my friend, we all learn to cope with ourselves and our feelings through experience. That how we learn, grow, and define ourselves, and how we fit in a world that changes at a blink of an eye. Sometimes we fall and hopefully we start to learn, so we can grow, and get better. Don't be so hard on yourself because we all have to learn how to deal with our issues. It's a life long process for us all, so relax.

[Fr_Chuck]

If you are only looking at the outside, you will never be happy in life. It is not the outside but the inside that makes us happy with one another.

A relationship based just on looks never works.

And ex's are almost always on bad terms, that is why they are ex's

You need to re-examine your life and what you want, list all the things that is not looks, and then decide what it is in your life, that may be part of the issue.

[slapshot_oi]

I used to think like you until I came to a realization somewhat recently.

Relationships born from when women approach the man almost never last (there are exceptions), because roles are reversed. Also, I'm usually not attracted to these women anyway.

You won't, ever, easily attract beautiful women. The hotties know they're gorgeous and aren't going to come to you, you need to go them.

That's why you'll occasionally see an ugly to average looking dude with a smokeshow, because he had the balls to ask her out when no one else did.

[Feelingsadd]

I agree with slapshot!
I am in the same situation... the guys I attract... I am not interested even if they give me the stars. And the guys I like know they are good looking!

[4answers]

It would appear from my observations that we all look (Upwards) for want of a better word in terms of physical appearance value and then personality or combination there off.

What I mean is we want someone we perceive to be of value, so we as people never look down to someone we perceive to be less attractive than ourselves.

So Bad Looking look up to Medium Looking and Medium Look up to good looking. (By look up I mean emotional attraction and desire). Personality has a big part to play. But I have observed that.

If someone is physically attracted to another on this look up value scale then they have a desire to connect with the personality of the other person.

If someone does not find the other physically attractive then no matter how nice the personality they will only ever see them on a friendship level (if the person is known to them or reject them if they are not known to them).

So again through observation I find that a lot of bad looking people who want the brad pits and angelena jolene will make do with someone who they do not find as physically attractive as they actually want.

My problem is I am one of those bad looking people - well Medium looking average Joe, who as above is attracted to the good looking women. (A five attracted to a ten).

So the women I find attractive see me as a friend if they know me or reject me if they don't know me.
The women who find me attractive (Bad looking) I don't find them attractive so I either see them as a friend or have to reject them if not known.

That is my dilema - I can't fall in love with someone who I am not physically attracted to! Equally I don't want to just settle with someone I do not find attractive and raise a family, not a good envioroment to raise kids in...

[Fr_Chuck]

I am sorry your "vision" or observation is just wrong. You appear to be depressed and honestly not looking or thinking clear on this. Sorry being frank.

If everyone looked "up" no one would ever find anyone, since the ones they were looking at , would not look to them. Thus the world would end since no one would get together.

Most get together and looks is secondary. My example, I am graying partly bald, a little over weight and scared from various past events. Guess what I married the college cheer leader. For her there is no looking down, she looks at me with love.
That is the issue, you always think the one you are with is great if you love them. Looks to most people mean almost nothing,

You are too worried or caring about looks. So if you are, look better, work out, get buff, buy new clothes to look a part. Get plastic surgery. You still will not be happy, but it will prove you are wrong

[talaniman]

Talaniman Rule - Date them all! Short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18 to 80, blind, cripple, or crazy.

In this way you will see how utterly absurd your observations are. How? Because the value of the cover in no ways tells you how good the book is, or how well you will like it. Or what it brings to your life.

I think its sad that the value you hold for yourself is so limited to your own self image, and that your value of others is even more narrow and strict. With attitudes like that, you will never see the true beauty of people, nor your own true self.

I think an attitude adjustment is in order, so date them all ugly, and gorgeous, so you stop looking for a life partner, and just enjoy yourself. You may just attract someone that wants to share your happiness. You have to be happy with yourself first.

You are prejudiced on the basis on looks, and prejudices lead to false assumptions, and presumptions that will be a great disappointment over time.

[slapshot_oi]

My problem is I am one of those bad looking people - well Medium looking average Joe, who as above is attracted to the good looking women. (A five attracted to a ten).

Talaniman is right, an attitude adjustment is definitely in order. You're setting yourself up for failure by thinking you're not good enough for these women.

Talaniman is right again, don't limit yourself and date them all. Isolation breeds prejudice, and, sometimes, paranoia; these kinds of people have a hard time functioning in society. The only way to avoid this is to be social, which, in your case, means to go on as many dates as you can. You will find yourself becoming more open-minded as you continue.

These dates can and should be simple. A favorite of mine is meeting for coffee. It's cheap, quick and unassuming.

[4answers]

No disrespect guys and thanks for taking the time to reply. But from many years observation of the dating game and attractive women. Conversations with guys and girls, It would appear that what your saying is wrong.

Attractive women are simply not interested in below attractive men... they don't give them the time of day, because there is no physical attraction they will fob them off if not known or if already know simple be friendly...

Fr Chuck, your right I am depressed over this, I had an attractive girl, got rid only to find I could not get another as attractive, this left me alone, single wanting what I (and I am going to say need, not want). The connection, relationship with someone I find physically attractive and desirable. To my mind you can't develop love if you can't even bear to kiss them !

Now I would love to be settled down with a family, but not to be a man who settled with just someone to have a family! Lots of guys and girls I know do this... What sort of low self respect and value life is that !

So since the love and relationship with a physically attractive to me woman is what I need to be happy, I have no choice but to strive for this or live a depressed lonely life or an unhappy make do life...

How do I turn this around ? I don't know ? I don't know how to make myself more desirable to these very attractive women... Stuck in a rut so to speak.

[talaniman]

AWWW! Poor guy, got rejected by his beautiful dream girl, and now he can't find another, to replace the other, so he doesn't know how to be happy.

You base your assumptions on the false premise that you cannot be happy unless you have a beautiful female to validate your existence. That's not even close buddy, so stop fooling yourself and base your happiness on your own inner attractiveness, and being happy with it. That's what people are attracted to, not the perfect nose or body. Sure outer beauty gets ATTENTION, but it will never get love.

I know this from experience, and not just observation. And I also know that you have handled personal rejection rather poorly, blaming it on your looks, and not leaving room to acknowledge, your beautiful girl had a change of mind and feelings. Probably had nothing to do with your own self admitted plain looks. You just take it as such.

I respectfully submit, that by your thinking pretty people hook up forever, and that's not the case. They get dumped TOO!! All your assumption seem to be based on feelings, and NOT facts my friend, which makes you MISTAKEN in drawing your conclusions. Keep observing, but look deeper into what you see.

Better yet, have a proper healing and adjust your attitude, and outlook, and be happy with your average joe looks, and enjoy yourself, rather than lament the set backs of the past, and have them unduly influence your future possibilities, options, and opportunities.

In short, stop being your own worse enemy, and get off the pity pot! Thats not attractive at all.

[mmresd]

Like any skill, it takes practice and the sense of wanting to be better. If you look at things negatively then that particular actions will end up working out negatively. Date different type of woman, have a more positive mind set when you are with them, and let things flow, don't try to push things too fast.

[slapshot_oi]

How do I turn this around ? I dont know ? I dont know how to make myself more desirable to these very attractive women..... Stuck in a rut so to speak.

Here's how: "If your unhappy with something, then change it. If you can't change it, then change your attitude".

Excluding fitness, you can't change your looks, and you admit that you're "a bad-looking person". So, unless you formulate a positive attitude, you're completely screwed.