[crankysob]

My stepdaughter is 18 years old, within the last month we have caught her tearing out her bedroom screen to sneak out in the middle of the night, found empty beer cans in our truck that we had let her use, apparently smoking cigs and or pot in the truck because we found a lighter sitting on top of a pile of ashes that she dumped on our console. ( there is no ash tray, so she just decided to ash there) To make a very long story short, the beer cans were the last straw. I told her that if she continued to do these things and lie and talk back, I would ask the police to have her removed. Then she said something that not only shocked me, but scared the heck out of me knowing how the law reacts to such matters. She said that she could call the police and make up a story to have me removed from my own home! My wife heard everything, but she is half the problem. She refuses to discipline the child, always has, that is why the child is the way that she is. One last thing I should mention, when my wife and I were married 5 years ago, the child learned quickly that I was no pushover like everyone else in her life, there are chores and homework to do before " play " time. She and her father took us to court and won custody. Keep in mind there was no abuse of any kind in our home, she just did not want to live by any rules. Her father is a Chicago fireman, so she knew she would have lots of time with no adults around. Well sure enough, she was caught having drinking parties and her father slapped her after she hit him. She ran away, ending up at our house. She refused to file a police report and refused to go back, so here she is. My wife tells me not to make her choose between me and her daughter, but I have a 4 year old daughter with her and I am afraid they all will leave and that's the reason I cannot leave. PLEASE someone help with some solid advice! Thanks so much, Dave

[phillysteakandcheese]

Both parents have to agree how to discipline the child. If you haven't already, you need to have a serious discussion with your wife about what is in the best interests of the 18 year old and the 4 year old.

If you cannot agree, my suggestion is do to what you think is best for the 4 year old. Your step-daughter is a legal adult and can make her own decisions, and be on her own if those decisions disrupt the household too much. Your 4 year old doesn't have that choice.

[excon]

Hello cranky:

Philly hit it on the nose. This is a problem between you and your WIFE - not you and your stepdaughter!

excon

[crankysob]

My stepdaughter is 18 years old, within the last month we have caught her tearing out her bedroom screen to sneak out in the middle of the night, found empty beer cans in our truck that we had let her use, apparently smoking cigs and or pot in the truck because we found a lighter sitting on top of a pile of ashes that she dumped on our console. ( there is no ash tray, so she just decided to ash there) To make a very long story short, the beer cans were the last straw. I told her that if she continued to do these things and lie and talk back, I would ask the police to have her removed. Then she said something that not only shocked me, but scared the heck out of me knowing how the law reacts to such matters. She said that she could call the police and make up a story to have me removed from my own home! My wife heard everything, but she is half the problem. She refuses to discipline the child, always has, that is why the child is the way that she is. One last thing I should mention, when my wife and I were married 5 years ago, the child learned quickly that I was no pushover like everyone else in her life, there are chores and homework to do before " play " time. She and her father took us to court and won custody. Keep in mind there was no abuse of any kind in our home, she just did not want to live by any rules. Her father is a Chicago fireman, so she knew she would have lots of time with no adults around. Well sure enough, she was caught having drinking parties and her father slapped her after she hit him. She ran away, ending up at our house. She refused to file a police report and refused to go back, so here she is. My wife tells me not to make her choose between me and her daughter, but I have a 4 year old daughter with her and I am afraid they all will leave and thats the reason I cannot leave. PLEASE someone help with some solid advice! Thanks so much, Dave

Thanks philly, I would love to leave, but I am afraid of my wife raising the 4 year old. She comes home from work and sleeps for hours, if I am not home, the baby is on her own. When the wife finally wakes up, she sends the baby to her room to watch cartoons, that's every day unless I am around, then I give her the attention she needs, terrible mess we are in. Thanks again though I appreciate your thoughts!

[mr.yet]

Carry a small digital recorder in your pocket, if she is going to makeup a story, you better have something to counter it.

But you need your wife to take a position on this matter before it becomes out of hand.

[MP49D]

I agree. Always cover your back, have back up, proof of everything because when the time cones you want to make sure you have protected your 4 yr old daughter from being taken away from you. Also, always do the right thing no matter how hard it is. I learned that my patience and always doing what's right, is what got me custody of daughter.

[talaniman]

I can go with ex-con and take the 4 year old and leave the house to the loonies. Or Kick them out and keep the four year old, or call the police and dare your wife to co-sign for a lie. Either way there has to be some Hel! Raised if I can't have order in my own house. And since when does an 18 year old run any thing? You better get them females straight about a few things.