[balidang]

I hope someone can give me some advice on my issue. I broke up with my GF in August because I caught her for the last time lying to me about another guy (she did it so many times). I tried to give her another chance after breaking up after two day but then she took her chance as an opportunity to blame me for being a bad guy (because I was angry when I found her lie) and she pretended to be the dumper. Overall, it was a very nasty breakup.

I went to NC and as a part of NC I even shut down my FB account. Now on Christmas eve I sent her a Christmas greeting (text message). She replied right away saying that she didn't know the number. I replied with my name and she thanked me for that. As I was expecting no more messages from her, she did send me the second message within 10 minutes saying that she hoped I had a good holiday with family and friends. I replied with a similar message. Surprisingly, she sent me another message within a few minutes saying that it was nice to hear from me and she again mentioned that she hoped I had a lovely holiday. Again, with confusion I sent her a similar message and she ended this conversation saying thanks.

Now after this conversation, I am little confuse because I wasn't expecting even a single message or reply from her. I sent her the greeting because I still have strong feelings for her. Those were my weakest moment because when we were together I thought we would celebrate our first christams together. But after this conversation, I feel relaxed and feel like actually I am ready to move on without her. I don't know why and how my thinking got changed overnight especially considering how much bitterness I had towards her at the same time because the way she manipulated the situation to make me bad.

Does anyone know what this conversation means and what's the psychology behind feeling relaxed all of a sudden and having no bitterness towards her? Unfortunately, I don't have much experience of relationships.

[vanheart]

I think the only problem is that you broke down & contacted her.

You were grasping on for a holiday sympathy response.

I hear you, But.

You say you have no experience. Here's your first lesson.

Don't remain in contact with a girl that doesn't want what you want.

You know better. Right?



Go back to NC, that was way better, huh?

[Fr_Chuck]

It means you need to stop the contact and go back to NC. It means you need to work on moving on and start seeing other people.

[talaniman]

You broke NO CONTACT and now are confused. Her responses meant nothing has changed, so go back to NO CONTACT, and keep it that way forever, to avoid any more confusion on your part, and to close that chapter of your life forever.

Lesson learned?

[balidang]

Thank you guys for the replied. I agree that all of you are right. I got confused because I broke NC and I think vanheart is also right that without actually knowing I must be looking for some a holiday sympathy and got caught. But for now I would say Clinging on the past = suffering. Moving on = happiness and a bright future. Thank you guys!

[ilovemusic8]

Well yes agreed, and it is tempting to contact your ex! And the bitterness you had towards her, time let that heal it for you after the NC, you see once a person stops being around someone, you kind of forget how it felt at that time and you set your mind to think about all the good times... its good that you are ready to move on, do it NC! If she were to text you, don't respond her so quick, since you aren't trying to get her back ignore it all! I would say if you set the NC for whatever time you think its right to forget her, maybe 2months then don't text her back until that time is up. And even so maybe you just woudn't find a reason to do so after that time! If she texted you after the 2 months, and you know your over her, see what's up and you will feel so much better knowing that she is in your past, who knows maybe you find someone else during that, but please make sure you heal yourself before accepting anyone else, that way you will feel a whole, even after you break up!

[vanheart]

Yeah, you got it exactly right.
"Clinging on the past = suffering. Moving on = happiness and a bright future"

Now live that sh$t.

So a whoops, whatever. Now you confirmed it. More.

NC, my man.

[balidang]

Very good advice guys. NC is the way to go. In the beginning it is pain and suffering, but is there any other solution? Heck no! Also whenever I will be in relationship again, I am going to assume the breakup anyway, so no attachments and no pain later on. I will be cool though and give all the all love to her but also keep my eyes open same time. My best friend who is an experienced stud (ha) always told me not to get attached to her and I never listened to him. There were so many signs my friends pointed about her. I ignored all of them. So I ended up suffering for 4+ months and God knows how many more months this healing will continue.

But as “ilovemusic8� also said, it is also good not to get in a relationship while the healing process is still on. Why to play with someone else's feelings just because I need emotional support? That's why I didn't date or even bother to look for one night stands. I also realized one more thing, when she was about to breakup with her boyfriend before me she was having me as her backup. That time I didn't realize that I should have analyzed her situation more carefully. Now she had another backup when she was with me. What goes around….comes around. Sort of my punishment. But lesson learned. :)

[vanheart]

You can't worry about what's going to happen.

Just about how you live today.

We all have turmoil. But keep that to a minimum.

Dude, sorry to say, I hope this isn't your last lesson.

Learn as you wish, but don't pick it all apart too hard. Give yourself a break, y'know.

Don't spend all of your time on a breakup, not having fun.

Dwelling. Its easy to do that. Hard to go NC & kick it.

[balidang]

Good advice vanheart. It can't be the last lesson. I will try to have fun (very hard but let's see) :)

[mmresd]

She was just being nice during the holidays. You are over analysing. Get over it. She is an ex... remember why and move on. No need to contact the past, look forward for something better.