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Alexander100 · Dec 25, 2011, 01:29 PM

I recently started working at a new lawfirm, and at this office I have a gay colleague who works with me. As we work toghter we started talking and became friends. Other than the difference in our Sexual prefrance we have a lot in common. However he does stuff to make me feel uncomfortable. He always notices what I wear, how I look and will comment, usually positive. He will text me often. He notices weird things like that I have a broad chest and "nice long fingers" and says I have a cute toes (wtf). He often makes sexual jokes with me like saying; I should realise sex is sex it doesn't matter where it comes from! Sometimes his sexual jokes get practical like him hitting my ***, he even tried climbing on me once!
He even made the joke once of climbing on his knees and asking me to **** him, in front of a group of people! He is a bit of a over the top and theatrical so I don't know if this is normal for him. As I only know him for a year.
When I told him I'm not cool with that he just ignored it and laughed it off.
He asks others questions about me, mostly esspesialy if their sure I'm not bi sexual or gay, with him knowing I'm in a longtime relathionship with my girlfriend and have no interest in men! The last thing he does is he keeps on searching for simularities between us , saying things like see himself in me! And he can't help but feel like his soul can relate to me. As I have never had a gay mate or any real interaction, I don't know if this is normal behavior or not! And if not what do I do, when he knows I'm straight... When talkings clearyly not working? And I can't really ignore the guy... We are forced to work toghter

JudyKayTee · Dec 25, 2011, 01:52 PM

First of all - it's sexual harassment, no matter how much he (or you) smile and laugh. Why are you putting up with it? Aside from insulting you as a person, he is disrespectful.

No, it's not normal behavior. I would assume this behavior happens in the work place and you aren't involved with him socially.

I'd tell him you aren't interested - and I'd tell him loud and clear. This behavior from a straight person would be no less offensive.

My next stop would be at the Managing Partner's office.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 25, 2011, 02:41 PM

I would publicly tell him that he is to stop at once and such behavior is not acceptable office behavior. And as mentioned either HR or the partner in charge would be the next stop, I am sure they are familiar with sexual harassment law suit and they are very open for one.

DeadDonkey · Dec 25, 2011, 08:51 PM

Well, if you really find it that uncomfortable, and he's being that inappropriate, tell him to stop.
Complimenting your clothes, how you look, and texting you etc, aren't really all that big a deal, or that uncommon. I'm gay and I notice every little thing about a guys appearance (yeah, including fingers), and I text people constantly.

But if he's actually sexually harassing you, you can tell him to stop. I really don't know if he likes you or not, but if I'm honest I notice those things and act inappropriately sometimes around straight guys I have no real interest in. It isn't personal, but you learn early on that its futile to start caring about someone who's straight.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 25, 2011, 08:55 PM

Originally Posted by DeadDonkey

Well, if you really find it that uncomfortable, and he's being that inappropriate, tell him to stop.
Complimenting your clothes, how you look, and texting you etc, aren't really all that big a deal, or that uncommon. I'm gay and I notice every little thing about a guys appearance (yeah, including fingers), and I text people constantly.

But if he's actually sexually harrassing you, you can tell him to stop. I really don't know if he likes you or not, but if I'm honest I notice those things and act inappropriately sometimes around straight guys I have no real interest in. It isn't personal, but you learn early on that its futile to start caring about someone whos straight.

But it is harassment and that is the issue, If this was a straight man, saying or doing this to a women, she would have had the lawyer filing a law suit long ago. Being gay is not an excuse to behave improperly

smoothy · Dec 27, 2011, 08:55 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

But it is harassment and that is the issue, If this was a straight man, saying or doing this to a women, she would have had the lawyer filing a law suit long ago. Being gay is not an excuse to behave improperly

Got to spread the rep... this is spot on.

JudyKayTee · Dec 27, 2011, 09:01 AM

Originally Posted by DeadDonkey

Well, if you really find it that uncomfortable, and he's being that inappropriate, tell him to stop.
Complimenting your clothes, how you look, and texting you etc, aren't really all that big a deal, or that uncommon. I'm gay and I notice every little thing about a guys appearance (yeah, including fingers), and I text people constantly.

But if he's actually sexually harrassing you, you can tell him to stop. I really don't know if he likes you or not, but if I'm honest I notice those things and act inappropriately sometimes around straight guys I have no real interest in. It isn't personal, but you learn early on that its futile to start caring about someone whos straight.

Acting inappropriately by your own admission IS sexual harassment.

Texting people "constantly" is also harassment.