[nagisa]

He'll be 24 in a week, am 23, we've been married for 5 years and have a great relationship. We have a 4-year-old son together. But he also has a 6-year-old little girl (will be 7 in may) with a 53-year-old woman with whom he was involved when he was 16. Though he denies it, I feel she took advantage of him because he had lots of problems during that time.

His 2nd girlfriend whom he loved a lot cheated on him and left him, so then he got into drugs (cocaine & ecstasy), tried to commit suicide for the second time. This old b**ch acted like she cared for him and simply took advantage. She had two sons who were 21 and 23 years and then got into a sexual relationship with a 16-year-old! Just thinking about it pisses me off. She didn't tell him about the kid till our 2nd year of marriage.

He pays child support and spends time with his daughter whenever he can. I get along great with her; she's such a sweet girl and loves to play with her baby bro. But lately his daughter has been having problems with her mom's new boyfriend and said he hit her on a couple of occasions. It bugged my hubby a lot and now he has filed for custody of her, says he doesn't want to wake up one day and hear his little girl was murdered.

What freaks me out is that b**ch's new boyfriend hates my hubby, and they've gotten into fist fights when we went over to pick up his daughter. Once he even threatened to kill my hubby, but hubby didn't want to take it to court because it'll lead to more problems.

Lately things have changed a lot between us and all we do is fight with each other over stupid things because we're both stressed over the situation. I feel we're losing the love we had and things seem to get worse each day. He has started to drink and smoke again. Am scared he'll try to hurt himself because he suffers from depression.

Am not quite sure what the question here is. Guess I just need some advice on what to do in a situation like this. Thanks in advance.

[Cat1864]

My first suggestion is counseling for both you and the marriage. It sounds like both of you need a safe place to vent and work through the emotions and issues.

Has there been a DNA test to confirm he is the child's father?

I applaud both of you for stepping up and caring for this little girl. I think you are a very strong woman and mother to not hold the child's mother against her.

Your husband may not like it, but he needs to get the police involved the next time threats are expressed. The boyfriend should not be allowed to threaten him. It is not admitting weakness to walk away (defending himself from physical violence is another matter) and allow the courts to handle the matter. It is safer for not only him but you and your child, too. It could be a wake up call for the mother if she has to defend her reasons for being a relationship with this male. It can also strengthen your husband's case for getting custody.

Try not to allow people like the ex and her latest to come between the two of you. Take time to remember that you are a couple and a family. Spend some time together relaxing or having fun. Make certain you both have some personal time to relax with friends or hobbies.

Take care of yourselves and your family. You can survive this if you work with each other and don't allow the issues to create a wall between you.