[Laphin]

I am 29 years old, she is 24 years old.

My ex had been with an abusive boyfriend (her first love ever) who abused her animals mostly, and was just a very angry, and PROTECTIVE CONTROLLING guy. They were together for 3 years, and she didn't ever want to leave him because she was afraid of what would happen.. She was also dependent on him as she was living a very bad lifestyle at the time.

Long story short, she managed to pull herself away from this guy and get a restraining order against him. She immediately rebounded with some other guy after that relationship which didn't last too long because she was now stronger and more aware of herself, so when he started smothering her in LOVE, and being extremely needy around her as if she was the only part of his world, she broke it off after 2 months. This guy texted her and bothered her for weeks after the breakup, ultimately pushing her away completely.

By this point she was almost done with guys and was on the verge of becoming a manhater. Keep in mind too, that at this point, she had never really been independent before. Never lived on her own, etc, took care of herself. She had actually lived on the street for a couple weeks at one point in her first relationship.

Her parents helped her get a house to live in by herself while she goes to college now.

This is when I came into the picture. We've been together 8 months. When we started talking it was her that fell deeply for me. I even asked her straight on in the beginning, if she was okay and that she needs to make sure she's not rebounding. She said that she was completely over her emotions, and that her decision to be with me was because she wanted to, and she was sure of it. She was falling in love with me and I never shown her affection like any other guy had.

We're smart people, we weren't ever desperate, needy, clingy, controlling. I never hounded her, needed her time, or expected THE WORLD from her. I just loved seeing her happy.

So basically what happened is she broke it off with me out of the blue. She had started school again so times were getting stressful. Because of school she felt bad because she was not always 'available' to me ot emotionally there for me. I tried explaining to her that I always have time, and that I didn't NEED to see or hear from her everyday.

Then she kind of spilled some more truth, and said, "I've had a bad past and I value my independance more than anything in the world. I don't want what happened to me to happen again, and your past seems incredibly rocky to me in some areas" I finally explained to her that concentrating on the past was bad, and she did understand that and understood that my future has been looking a lot brighter and that I have more ambition and purpose with my life..

But then even after understanding, she said, "I don't want to decide anything based on feelings. I've been really messed up this year. I've been bitter about men (almost to the point of starting to grow into a man hater and I've bit that back), and emotionally unavailable to you most of the time, and have had a lot to worry about with my future. That's the only thing I have is my future, and instead of making emotional decisions because they feel good at the time, and being impulsive, I want to progress to being more logical about things. It took a lot of thought, feeling and willpower to break up with you, and so I don't want to just jump back into that without the same amount of thought. At the same time I don't want to leave you in limbo thinking we'll get back together. I probably just need to be with myself."


We had a FANTASTIC relationship before she decided to think about these things.

After awhile, we stopped talking, then she came to me and asked if we could still at least be base-line friends. I did the smart move and told her "NO". In the nice way of course, saying that she was my girlfriend, and I can't pretend to hold some 'half' relationship with her when in reality, I still feel like we belong together, no we can't be friends I'm afraid, it would complicate both of us.. I love you too much for that."

Now I'm just doing no contact and being strict about it.. And after having done it for a bit.. I feel a lot better with myself ironically enough. I just want to know if anyone thinks there may be a chance that she'll come around and get back with me.. I really think we meant a lot. She's pretty much the best girl I have ever been with, and I love treating her right and giving her the life she deserves.

It's been a week and a half since we broke up.

[TrueFaith]

Hi!

First of all sorry to read what you have had to put up with..

Ok so the big question here.. did you do the right thing

100% and 200% YES YES YES!
I couldn't have done it better myself! Good JOB! Not many people do what you have done.
Most wollow in self pitty and beg to be loved and it always ends on falling on dead ears

So you have done the best thing you could have done for yourself and your own healing!


Now as for the will she take me back method.. in my view from an outside the girl is a bit damaged at the moment and needs a lot more time to heal. And has made it very clear that she does not want to be your girlfriend.. but yet your friend? Always makes me laugh when I hear that.
She wanted the best of both worlds probable knowing that you would steal spoil her and treat as if she is a girlfriend hoping one day to take her back.

You say you had a fantastic relationship.. in your mind it probable was.. because lets face it mate if it was fantatsic she would not have ended it would she?

I think you are a really good guy and what you should do know is focus on yourself keep to no contact and get on with your life

Leave this relationship with your head held so high knowing that you did the right thing and you stuck to your guns.

If sometime down the line she comes back to you and says I made a mistake then you can look at it logicly and decided what to do from there.

But in my view If someone loves you enough they won't dumb you when time gets hard. In fact they will hold onto you more for support
So do you really want to be with someone that may drop you at the first sign of an F on a school exam?

Not really

You want someone that will love and support you in the same way you do.

So go out and look for that
Trust me on this she won't be the best girl you ever had. We all say that I bet your first girlfriend you had was the most amazing thing at the time.


Anyway all the best keep to no contact!
And find the right person for you
Because she is not.

[talaniman]

I don't know if she will ever come back, but I do know its normal to want her too, because its to soon to be far enough removed from the relationship to be over it yet.

You will feel even better if you stay on this NC path, and be better for it.

You made the right decision for yourself.

[BK201]

Wow, you actions reflect me from my past (Analyzing things to bit before making the move). Thumbsup bro.
There are chances she will contact you again, when she needs someone to talk to, needs a support.
I would suggest, if you don't have a girl by then, or still have not moved on, do not respond.

[Laphin]

Thanks guys for your answers.. may I get somoene to delete this post, PLEASE. I accidentally made my user name that of which can be found easily on Google. She might see this eventually. Unfortunately I need this gone before she does. Lol. Is there anyway?