[hers123]

So my boyfriend and I have been living together for about a year now. Everything in my opinion was going fine until lately. I found out he's signed up to several porn sites and made a whole new email account to receive pictures of naked girls. And now he doesn't even want to have sex. I try every other night just to get shut down. I don't know what to do. He just makes me feel ugly and unwanted. What should I do?

[DoulaLC]

Does he know you are aware of the new account and activity? Since it appears to be impacting your sex life with him, I'd say something about it. Yes, if you were snooping it was wrong, but due to the change in the relationship, and how it is making you feel, you have little choice but to come clean.

Try to discuss it out of the bedroom, and when you both have time to sort through it. He may have concerns of his own about his feelings or performance. Has he had any additional stress going on for instance? Does he give you reasons for his lack of interest? Has anything else changed in the relationship?

Unless you discuss it, you will never know and nothing can change.

[hers123]

He doesn't give me a reason just brushes me off. He comes home from work and goes straight to playing video games till 2-3 in the morning then goes to bed.

I try to get his attention but nothing ever works. I thought that it was because.it was late that he didn't want to have sex. But I never really get any other way to start it? So I donno if its just me that he's not interested in?

I just want to fix eveything :(

[Wondergirl]

Would he notice if you weren't there any longer? (Do you work and pay the bills and are the housemaid for him?)

[hers123]

Well we both work and pay stuff. But yeah I am like a maid. I do everything.

[Wondergirl]

Maybe you should go on strike.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, lock him out of the bed room and let him sleep on the couch, that normally gets their attention. Hid the video game so it is not there to play and he has to interact with you if he will not any other way.

Don't cook his dinner or do his dirty clothes for a while.

If he will not "talk" get is attention so he may want to talk.
If not, he is no longer interested in you at that point.

[talaniman]

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to DoulaLC again.

You don't let others take you for granted for any reason. Tell him you are not happy, and if you aren't happy the whole house isn't happy, and HE will never be happy.

The loving things you use to do... DON'T.

To fix anything in a relationship, there must be a willing partner, and HONEST communications, or what's the point?

[luluu]

Porn in itself is not necessarily a problem. It's normal for guys(and some girls) to enjoy it as a solo activity and sometimes also with a partner. What becomes a problem is when it affects your sex life and your partner seems to be choosing porn over sex with you. It should be additional ,not instead of. Tell him you know and while you accept that it's normal,losing all interest in your partner sexually is not. Tell him you feel unwanted and sexually dissatisfied. Ask him outright if he has any desire for you anymore. If nothing changes,tell him it's the porn or you!

[Cat1864]

So my boyfriend and I have been living together for about a year now. Everything in my opinion was going fine until lately. I found out he's signed up to several porn sites and made a whole new email account to receive pictures of naked girls. And now he doesn't even want to have sex. I try every other night just to get shut down. I don't know what to do. He just makes me feel ugly and unwanted. What should I do?

This sounds like there is more to the problem than porn equals no sex.

How long ago did the problems start? How long is 'lately'? How long has it been since you last had sex?

From your original post, I am having a difficult time determining if everything was fine until you found out about the porn and email account and confronted him or if there were existing problems and you are now looking at porn as the reason.

Who is sending the pictures? Women he has met on porn sites or services along the lines of 'porn of the day'? There is a big difference between asking a person for pics and having a service automatically send them.

Have there been any other issues come up such as pregnancy scares, work/family stress increasing, health issues, etc.

Sometimes we can try too hard to get someone's attention. There can be a point when we don't hear what the other person is saying their needs are because we are wrapped up in our own. Have you tried asking him to talk with you at a time when both of you are receptive to discussing anything that needs to be?

Make a date to talk. Listen to what he has to say as well as telling him how you feel. Try not to be aggressive or defensive. Try not to put him on the defensive. Try to stay calm. If emotions start running high, take a break.

[Rkanovac77]

If he found porn sites more useful for sex than alive girl, then something is wrong in your relationship. I don't believe it is a porn site. Porn site is just a symptom. The root of problem is between you two.

There might be several reasons for problem... and based on the info provided it is hard to say much. The one thing to say for sure is you must to talk to him and find out what it is. I am sure he will tell you. Although it's weird to me that you don't know already.

[pahlp]

Actually they have started to do a lot of studies on porn addiction now and how it has effected libido in males and couples sex life. They even have self help groups on the net for it like this site. I think you need to address it now in a honest open manner before it ruins your relationship.

[talaniman]

Many things besides porn can affect the male libido.

[pahlp]

The latest report of the experts who are members of the Italian Society of Andrology and Sexual Medicine stated, many men who have accessed pornography from an early age (around age 14) experiencing libido disorder at the age of 20. They are addicted to pornography every day so that...

But this thread had to do with someone possibly enamored with porn... right. But many drugs and mental health issues and medical issues can affect the libido too. Good to know

[Dee_Kowalsky]

Tell him straight out how what he is hurting you. And then us ask him which he loves more; you or porn. However, be prepared if he answers "porn" because it sounds like he's taking you for granted at this point. Seriously, be prepared to move out because something tells me there's more problems with your relationship then just your boyfriend watching pornography.

*** edited out web site****

[Dee_Kowalsky]

I'll tell you what you should do; you shouldn't tolerate your boyfriend's actions. However, if you lay down the law by telling him that his porn-related activity is unacceptable to you, you'll have to be prepared to move out as a very well me say, "Or what?". In other words, be prepared to put up or shut up.

Just in case others tell you that you should be offended by your boyfriend looking at porn, I suggest you read this article by TV-shrink Dr. Phil.

[mmresd]

Communicate, tell him what your concerns are, depending upon his reaction, it might be time to let this guy go. I don't think there is anything wrong with porn, but to kill your sex life with your girlfriend to watch porn is unacceptable.

[talaniman]

Lack of sex is but a symptom of a greater problem that needs to be addressed. You can have all the feelings about likes, dislikes, and habits but without honest communications you won't even identify the real issues, or find a resolution. Porn or pimples, same thing. Emotionally induced distractions.

Not excusing extreme bad behavior at all, but its as a couple you define the rules and boundaries of good behavior. No communications, no relationship. Thats a much bigger threat than porn.

Try resolving conflicts without being willing to talk about it. Try having a relationship without resolving conflicts. Good Luck with that.