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AllisonR · Dec 6, 2011, 06:14 PM

I am looking for any kind help dealing with my husbands ex wife and the games she is playing dealing with child support and visitation with the kids. My husband makes regular child support payments of $640 a month exculding one month where he was unemployed. If you can help by answering one or all of my questions it would be much appreicated.

1) I have been paying child support every month but I have noticed my wages have started to be garnised for the last month in half without any warning or notice and I did send child support every month but one while I was unemployed. How did this happen?

2) To see if I can modify the amount I pay in child suport based on her monthly income/expensives based on my monthly income/expensives

3)Does predeem go into calculation of my income?

4)Does the mother of my children have the right to keep them from talking to me for weeks at a time?

5)When my children come to stay with me for a week, they are given only the clothes on their back. Am I able to detucted money from next month child support for the clothes, shoes, under garments, hygenic cares I buy for them?

6)I am never informed of school playes, activities, or any other and does anything in her power to keep me from finding out, what can I do about this problem?

His ex is really trying to destroy him and we feel like there is nothing we can do to prevent it. She is successfully hindering the relationship between a father and his children and we feel like all we can do is stand back and watch.

Please, Please Help!

ScottGem · Dec 6, 2011, 06:32 PM

1) Is that your husband's salary or yours? Your pronouns are confusing. If you are talking about your husband's, did he he file for a modification when he lost his job? There is probably a judgment against his so as soon as he missed a payment they filed a garnishment.

2) If enough time has passed and circumstances have changed then you can file for a modification.

3) predeem?

4) Depends on the terms of the custody and visitation orders.

5) No, but you can have them leave those items with you for the next visit.

6) Can your children keep you posted through e-mail texts, etc? Can you contact the school and ask that they inform you of such things?

joypulv · Dec 6, 2011, 06:36 PM

This is a bit confusing because it sounds like you copied his questions and mixed them with yours.
It also took me a while to realize that predeem means per diem. Per diem is income like any other.
HE has to go back to family court to ask for re-assessment of incomes and need, including the month without work.

He and she have to work out what the children bring with them. He can't deduct what he spent. He will have to ask the school about activities, and ask the children. Spouses do this to each other much too often and it's between them to work out for the sake of the children.

cdad · Dec 6, 2011, 06:48 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

3) predeem ?

I believe they mean Per Diem.

Per diem
[per dee-uhm, dahy-uhm]

Per diem | Define Per diem at Dictionary.com

AllisonR · Dec 6, 2011, 07:29 PM

I am a full time med student, my husband is the bread winner in our family right now. Per diem is what I meant, sorry. Weekly allowance my husband gets from work to pay for hotel room and food while he is working out of town. They have joint custody with his ex as the primary caregiver. The kids are 9 and 6. Last year we gave the 9 yr old a cell phone and was going to pay the whole bill to try to resolve this matter. Turned out the ex took it from her and was using it herself. She had my husband put on a no pick up list and won't answer any questions he has. The children try to find out their schedules but they are too young to really know the importance of it and we don't want to stress them out.

ScottGem · Dec 6, 2011, 07:32 PM

What court orders are in place?

AllisonR · Dec 6, 2011, 07:52 PM

Everything was decided by the judge in their divorce. They were just divorced in May 2011. The judge decided the custody agreement with us getting the kids 1st and 3rd weekends as well as every other holiday, 4 weeks in summer. When I tried to find out how my husbands wages are being garnished when we always pay child support, DHS told me the since the check are in my name, they are simply a gift to her. I handle all of our finances and his checks are directly deposited into my account. DHS refused to give me any information since my name is not on the case.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 6, 2011, 08:18 PM

You should not be making the payments, but it appears your husband will have to go back to court, obviously she is lying about not getting any support, He will have to take cancelled checks to court to prove it.

But being garnished from checks is the norm and what you have to find out, is if there is back support now in that, or is it just current.

Also joint custody, was that legal joint custody, if so, she can not change things at school and he can find out things at school ( him not you) He may need to give them a copy of the custody order to prove he has joint legal custody.

Also if she will not supply school and schedule info, you may have to go back to court, it is not uncommon to be in and out of court a dozen times over the next few years if one or the other wants to play games

ScottGem · Dec 7, 2011, 04:11 AM

First mistake was paying the support directly, second mistake was not paying from a joint account. You should have checked what the process is. It is not unusual for support payments to be ordered as automatic payments from salary. So you need to work with DHS on straightening that out.

As far as the visitation, are you getting the alternate weekends? If she is interfering with the court order in ANY way, take her back to court.

AllisonR · Dec 7, 2011, 07:15 AM

One more question and that's all, I promise :) Will we need another costly lawyer when we go back to court or will we be able to settle this on our own? The judge we had last time really saw through all of his ex's games and put her in place a couple times when he would stress that she is not the only parent to these children mothers like her are why some kids grow up without their father in their lives. Will we have that same judge again?
Thanks everyone for so much help in this matter, it really helps out a lot!

ScottGem · Dec 7, 2011, 07:40 AM

As far as I'm aware, Family courts do try to have the same judge hear any requests for modification. So there is a good possibility that you will get the same judge.

You don't need an attorney, Family Courts are more user friendly, but if she gets an attorney you better have one. Otherwise, you might just use a paralegal to prepare the petition.

And feel free to ask any questions you need to. Also keep us posted as to how things go.