[mmsantos523]

I need some big time advice!

Anyway, my problem is jealousy!
First of all, I'm only 20 years old, I've been in a relationship with my fiancŽ since I was 18 years old, making plans to marry next spring, lived together for about 8 months, we talk about having babies in the future, we already have names picked out & everything! My fiancŽ, he's 27 yrs old, laid back, cute guy, adorable personality, super friendly, in other words.. I'm head over heels for this boy! The only problem is my jealousy! I don't want to sound conceided, but I get compliments all of the time! I'm a petite 5'3, hispanic, natural tan:P, great body, great smile, outgoing personality, friendly... you name it... I've been complimented for all of that, but even I am tired of my stupid jealousy! My fiancŽ works for a maintenance company & he was cleaning a store one night & there was this blonde lady, who's probably in her 30s or so, anyway, I noticed that my fiancŽ kept looking over & then smiled.. So I confronted him about it, and immaturely, I threw a little fit, telling him that he just wanted to catch her eye & kept looking at her so she would smile back and blah blah! But he denied it, and said he was just looking over and she happed to smile @ him... however I was standing directly across from him & I did noticed that he just kept looking over at this lady.. which really pissed me off! Like what the fuuuuuck! That's where the issue started! Like I said, I'm hispanic, natural moodiness, I get my dad's temper, which is never a good thing, since he used to be in the Army, so you guys can just imagine the type of temper that man has! I'm also a Gemini, who so happen to have double personalities! I now realize that it was just a simple smile, what really threw me off was that he kept looking over at her, kind of like checking her out! I talked to him about it again, and he said that he doesn't even remember what happened... and that it was all irrelevant to him.. so I said whatevs! That night, he was tired & moody, and said he didn't want to have sex (sorry if its TMI) because of what I had said the night before about him checking out this lady! He simple said, "i just don't want to touch you tonight, period, I'm being 100% real with you" which omg breaks my heart! Later on, he woke up and said sorry & he said he was just tired & he didn't like the fact that I was accusing him, which I completely understand. That was the first time in 2 years that he has EVER said anything like that to me! :( It honestly still hurts, right now as I'm typing this... He's really the only person that I can count on in my life. We were together for about 4 months in 2009, then things got out of control and we broke up over the summer of last year, a few days later he texted me and apologize for us not working out but I turned him down & we didn't talk after that till August 2010. That's when he came back and wanted to work things out, which I agreed to, since we had already taken a 4-month break. Sadly, around the same time he came back, my mother was hospitalized and about a week later she passed away. My mom was everything to me! We could sit there and talk for hours and hours about everything & anything. After she passed, that's when Adam (fiance) & I started talking more about us rather than talk about life and stuff... anyways, the point to my life story is that, Adam has mentioned a couple of times, that ever since we got together again, he has noticed that my personality has changed & that I'm not the same happy girl he used to date the first time we were together. However, the first time, I had a full-time job, my mom, not a care in the world, I was truly happy, doing anything and everything a 19 yr old would normally do, & well this second time around, I'm still dealing with losing her, my emotions are like a rollercoaster, I'm trying to keep him happy and make our relationship work, dealing with every day issues, & I know living together adds a whole new ingredient to the list, cuzz you're around them 24-7, but that's not my problem, I just want some advice on how I can have a jealous-free relationship, while dealing with my own emotions. I don't want to be the crazy girl, I want to be chill, I just want to kick it, and have a carefree attitude, I'm tired of my jealousy crap... I need you guys to please send some advice!:) Thank youu in Advance!

[mmsantos523]

Fiance** don't know why it came out like that! :P

[joypulv]

Try to separate jealousy from action. It is almost impossible to stop being jealous, but you can force yourself not to act on it. Hold it in for at least 24 hours, and then find a calm moment to talk about it with him (or anyone in life, about anything with negative emotions).

Also think of men this way: they really do have a primitive little instinct in their eyeballs that draws them to pretty women (or men if they are gay). Heck, 2 priests could be talking about God on the street and their heads will turn. It doesn't mean ANYTHING 99% of the time. And if you start screaming about it, you are going to lose him! So stop or it means you really don't mind if you lose him. Do you look at good looking guys? Of course you do. And third, think of it as your gift to him to let him look without touching, and he can give you gifts, such as putting up with how you want the house to look or something. Relationships are all about trades and compromises and forgiving each other.

Hold off on marriage and babies. Picking out names? Nothing compared to 18 years of debt and no time off and total responsibility. Don't have a baby just because you miss your mom. I'm sorry you lost a good friend as well as mother. Tell Adam that you are sorry about anything that has changed in you, ask him what about it bothers him, and finally ask him to bear with you as you get through it. You may have changed forever, you know. You are only 20, and there will be other changes too.