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thansen2013 · Dec 3, 2011, 09:37 PM

My girlfriend kissed a girl, it was her foreign exchange student. She said it felt like her first time again but it confuses her and she makes jokes about it to not think about it. I don't know if that means she likes it or doesn't. They were going to be alone this weekend and she made a friend come over so they wouldn't be alone. Can anyone help me try to understand this mess

talaniman · Dec 3, 2011, 10:30 PM

Its not a mess, because she told you about it so don't trip, it's a glitch that caught her off guard, and happens more than you may think to most people.

Its only as big a deal as you make it, and she seemed to have handled it well. Says a lot she told you, so handle it with the same honesty as she has as she works her own feelings out.

thansen2013 · Dec 4, 2011, 09:53 AM

New advancements we aren't together anymore and I now find out this has been happening daily the past week

talaniman · Dec 4, 2011, 10:20 AM

I guess she worked her feelings out, and decided she liked it. Seems her honesty was a warning that those feelings were changing.

Just curious who broke with who?

thansen2013 · Dec 4, 2011, 11:04 AM

She broke up with me last Saturday so its been a week and this started happening Wednesday so I don't know if she actually likes it or not still. Its hard for me to figure out the contridicting statements. I think the exchange student needs to move out if they want to pursue it they will figure out a way but the exchange student won't be pushing it on her

talaniman · Dec 4, 2011, 11:43 AM

Stick a fork in it, its done. You should have referred to her as an ex in your original post, because she was. But the minute she broke up with you, that's the minute that anything she does becomes irrelevant.

thansen2013 · Dec 4, 2011, 11:59 AM

She still tells me everyday that she loves me everyday and kisses me and what not so its hard to let it go

talaniman · Dec 4, 2011, 12:27 PM

Do you think she is staying close just in case her experiment doesn't work?

Is that why you allow yourself to continue to be available her?

Are you thinking this is a phase and she will get over it, and things go back to what they were?

I will be honest, its legal cheating since you are not together, and indicates for you to disappear, and be unavailable.

thansen2013 · Dec 4, 2011, 12:42 PM

I continue to be available because I love her and when she says things lik that I want to be but I don't know if this is an experiment or if its being pushed on her she is a very submissive person and would let some one do this out of fear

talaniman · Dec 4, 2011, 12:46 PM

Being submissive to others isn't good for YOU! Stop making excuses for her behavior and choices.

thansen2013 · Dec 4, 2011, 12:48 PM

I know its not but I can't tell her how to live her life you know? The only thing I can think to do is tell her parents and she will hate me forever

talaniman · Dec 4, 2011, 12:52 PM

Why would you bring her parents into this? I know you have no control over what she does, but you certainly have control over what YOU do.

When you allow yourself to be treated badly then you can believe they will exploit it to the fullest advantage for themselves.

That's not healthy, nor does your dignity, or self respect any good what so ever.

thansen2013 · Dec 4, 2011, 12:55 PM

Are you just telling me to drop it? Like the relationship completely and move on?

Its funny how much more helpful a complete stranger can be than all my friends and family put together. Thank you for helping me out with this

talaniman · Dec 4, 2011, 02:11 PM

Sometimes guy you have to stand for something, or you will fall for anything. I realize when you have strong feelings for someone its so hard to let them go, but to go along with some ones program of confusion just has its limits.

Her words are sweet, but her actions just don't match. That's not something to love, that's something to be suspicious of.

thansen2013 · Dec 4, 2011, 02:16 PM

Are you a trained in therapy or something because you talk lik it

talaniman · Dec 4, 2011, 02:40 PM

Naw, my PHD in life comes from the school of Hard Knocks, and a masters in Good Orderly Direction, with a little common sense, backed up by the experience of making good decisions based on facts, and not just feelings, so I can count on my own sense of dignity, and self respect, to protect me from BS!!

Life throws plenty of BS at you, and you have to rise above it all, or drown in your own sh1t!

I have sympathy for young people coping with intense feelings, and I hope I can help.

thansen2013 · Dec 4, 2011, 02:57 PM

Thanks again for helping me face a hard truth.