[busydaycarelady]

I watch a 7 year old (whom I have babysat since she was 5), and her behaviour has become progressively worse. At first I thought she was basically normal, if not a bit selfish and spoiled. She didn't listen to parents at hometime and would throw massive tantrums. It would take them 15 minutes to coax her out the door. I found this to be excessive, but after a month or two, this particular behaviour improved for the most part.

At first she listened to me, but once she got comfortable around me, started to really act out. The first majorly disturbing thing she did was about 2 months after I met her. At the playground, she ran away from me. I had two 1 year olds and a 2 year old in tow in a wagon, and she knew I wouldn't be able to catch up with her. We were all playing together and she took off. I went as quickly as I could and found her shoes about a block from my home, which scared me.

She wasn't at my house, so I got ready to call the police. As I am dialing them, she walks in. She could see I was very upset and starts laughing saying,"You're sad and scared and this is SO funny," then punches her 2 year old sister in the face twice. I call mom and she talks to girl, who is sweet as can be to mom... "Mommy I love you. You're so pretty and special to me. I would NEVER do that. That's not true." Mom gently reprimanded her and child was happy, obviously.

Since then, current behaviours are:
-complete disregard for rules and others feelings
-gets immense satisfaction by physically and emotionally hurting others
-enjoys hurting others and has told me so
-argues constantly about anything an adult says. She will literally follow me around rapidly saying "You're wrong" etc.
-lies about everything. Constantly. Big things and little. She's now beginning to threaten caregivers with things like, "I will tell the police you hit me and you will go to jail. And that will be funny" or threatening things like, "I will tell my mom you swear at me or hit me or choke me". NONE of these have ever happened.

She tries to manipulate her parents and turn them against each other (they are split up), and the same with them and myself. She even pulls on her earrings until her ears bleed and starts yelling that whoever is closest to her pulled them and made them bleed. If she is arguing with [someone] and you sternly say, "Please be quiet" or "Shut your mouth please", in her mind that becomes "Shut the hell up". And [according to her] you didn't sternly say it either, you yelled it directly into her ear.
-has stolen toys from my daughter
-smeared feces on my walls 3 times

Parents give her 7-minute timeouts as punishment and that's about it. If I am speaking to her parents about problematic behviours at hometime, she starts yelling, crying, and screaming that I'm lying and she didn't do that, or else she's so sweet to her parents complimenting them, telling them how important they are to her, how much she loves them and appreciates them, and after all this "charm", she calmly says, "I love everyone here and would never do that". I know it might sound crazy, but she honestly acts like this.

I am going to terminate care, but I believe she has a mental disorder of some sort. Any ideas? I also believe if she is left untreated, she will get worse as time passes and I am afraid of what she will become. She deserves to be helped, but mom and dad think she'll outgrow this. I disagree. I feel awful for this child because it's like no one but me notices this is a serious issue.

Thanks SO much for reading this. Sorry it's so long.

[Aurora_Bell]

Getting pleasure from the pain of others is very serious. She sounds very manipulative. I would get the heck out of Dodge too if I were you. Sorry I can't help on pin pointing the exact mental disorder she (most definitely) has. Mom and Dad need to be aware of this situation, and if I were you, upon terminating care, I would write a letter, so this can be read with out the girl's ears being present.

[DoulaLC]

Hi busydaycarelady... welcome to AMHD!

I have worked with some children who display similar behaviours. Many would consider the child to be just a spoiled brat, who has learned to "work the system" as it were, but sometimes they are given a diagnosis of ODD. Here is a very good informational guide. You can see if anything stands out in regard to this little girl.

She may indeed out grow some of these behaviours, but that does not help her in the meantime, and that is the issue that has to be dealt with right now. Whether she could be considered as having ODD, some of the interventions can certainly be applied to her.

http://www.aacap.org/galleries/eAACA.../ODD_guide.pdf

[busydaycarelady]

Thank you for that information DoulaLC. She fits every single symptom. The only thing is mom and dad don't see any of this as an issue, mainly because they can't be bothered. If she acts up, it's a 7 minute time out or send her to her room(which has toys, Nintendo DS and TV), so she is more than happy to stay there and they don't actually have to deal with her. They become insulted when I suggest counselling and I understand that being difficult, but having kids isn't always easy. You need to deal with their issues too. Also, when she meets a new adult she is very sweet and obedient towards them, which I think might make a diagnosis difficult, since adults say one thing, but she displays the complete opposite when it is in her best interest. Thank you so much though. That is very helpful. It describes her to a tee.

[DoulaLC]

It sounds as though you have done all that you can. Since these are not close friends of yours, it is an especially delicate situation to deal with.

I would document the behaviours until the time you terminate care... dates and quick details of the situation(s). This may prove to be helpful later if they require more information after seeing her doctor. Let the parents know that you are terminating care due to her being aggressive with the other children and, for safety reasons, you can no longer have her in your care.

When she is in school, if the behaviours continue, her parents will encounter more examples given to them by her teacher(s). Hopefully, her parents will begin to recognize the concern and speak to her doctor about it.