[Canpip]

My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 4 years. She is 20, I am 21, and we have even gone together and both paid for a wedding ring that she wanted (I preferred giving her a ring she'd for sure like). About two weeks after we bought this ring she starts crying multiple times a week feeling trapped in wedlock from the age of 16 till forever. This leads into her feeling like I'm needing to know where she is at all times when I simply ask, "Hey, what are you doing?" as in to see if she wanted to hang out. I love her with all that I am and she says she love me but needs a point of reference to make sure this is what she truly wants and to never feel resentment to me for her not having the ability to date growing up, later in life.

She says she wants to date other guys for a while, but not do anything intimate aside from kissing (she wants no sex to be involved). She says I'm free to do whatever I want, but asked me to respect what she is doing and not have sex all around either. We both were each other's first time having sex, and that is really special to both of us. She tells me she desires on marrying me still after she's experienced being single after high school, and will never make love to another guy, but I am sitting here left shocked because I thought when we bought the wedding ring together, we were already sure of what we wanted. She doesn't want me to return the ring so we can have a future, and I honestly don't want to either!

I also don't really want to get back into the dating world, and we both went into the degree program we chose so we wouldn't have financial troubles later in life. Everything in my apartment room her mother bought for me, and I have three pictures of her in my apartment. I'm reminded every day of how much I miss her and I'm very very hopeful that we get back together, because I've done everything the past four years for us, and now it's like thrown on the shelf?

Neither of us are dating anyone at the moment, and she wants to hang out all the time as friends. I don't mind hanging out at all, I love being her best friend, and we talk all the time, but I want to have the girl I bought this wedding ring with. I don't know what I should do to get through this, I chose her over a drug once and everyone I would have ended up doing the drug with died in a fatal car crash, so she's the reason I'm alive today. I don't want to go on a dating/sex spree, because I respect her and the fact she's not having sex with anyone till we get back together, but then again, I don't think it's fair to me to be put on the shelf for a while because she thinks she missed out.

I don't want to just drop her completely from my life, I love hanging out with her as a friend, and there's crazy sexual tension between us since the break up a week ago. I just don't know what I should do in the mean time of being together (which yes, I am expecting to eventually marry her, even if it's years from now).

[Jake2008]

She was only 16 and you 17, when you started a relationship together. To expect that that relationship, I presume this was a first for both of you, would result in marriage, in itself, speaks of immaturity.

All first loves are special, all first loves that involve intimacy for the first time, are special, hopes and dreams made together as teenagers, eventually, usually become very fond memories, of having been high school sweethearts, maybe all through your life.

But, being high school sweethearts, and having those dreams together, at the ages you are, while sweet, and typical of high school aged love, are not the same dreams when simply growing up, and learning more about what life is all about (responsibilities, leaving home, getting an education, finding a job, etc.) happen.

That she wants to 'modify' the relationship, by keeping you, and promising a marriage latter on, while at the same time, actively dating other's, and essentially being single, won't work out. She is not mature enough to completely let you go, because you have been the centre of her life until now.

You hope for a future with her, so you settle for the new relationship rules. And by so doing, you wait, and have no desire to date others.

And, regardless of your ages, one relationship with other relationships thrown into the mix, is no guarantee that it will once again, become just the two of you. Because as she dates, and experiences life on her own, her life changes, and she grows up. She is still too young to know that you can't promise marriage to a person, while at the same time, wanting to be single. Obviously both of you lack the experience to realize that the relationship that was, will not be relationship to last a lifetime. Particularly with the arrangement.

I understand why you would feel like you were 'put on the shelf' as you said. You are waiting for her to come back to you, at an undetermined time, after unknown choices she will make. While it is painful now, it will only become more painful when she is dating others, and you become less and less important in her life. She cannot promise or predict that things will get back to where they were, and I wouldn't bet on it.

For you to see now, beyond what was, and think about your own future, I hope that you too can make a good decision whether to keep hanging on, or to move on with your own life. With her essentially deciding to be single, consider that there is likely no going back.

I hope you move on.

[talaniman]

Sorry guy, but when a female accepts your ring and says she wants to date, then you take your ring back, kiss her good bye, and disappear, and let her date to her hearts content.

There is no hanging out as best friends, just building your own life without her, forgetting the plans of the past, and making your own.

Why should you be waiting for someone that isn't ready for what you want, and be tortured to your face with this best friends crap, until she does date someone else.

Get your ring, box her stuff up, and let her make up her own mind without your influence. She will never miss you, or make up her own mind, as long as you are her emotional tampon, her crutch, her standby.

She ain't ready, but its not fair for you to wait for years with NO guarantees of anything. You are already miserable, and the longer you allow this behavior, the longer you will be miserable.

And if you think its bad now, wait until she does get a date, with, or without her having sex.

It will drive you NUTS! And heaven forbid a second date with the same fellow, OMG, get the ring and disappear for a while.

[emopunk7]

"Heaven forbid a second date. Omg" Haha... T-Man speaks the truth!

[pahlp]

Let her go date and split now while your ahead. In the meantime while your out cruising here is a dirty but harmless "her ya go honey" trick. Memorize her number and as time goes by when you get the chance just give other girls your not interested in her number as yours. So for a year or so girls will be calling her asking for you.

[talaniman]

Let her go date and split now while your ahead. In the meantime while your out cruising here is a dirty but harmless "her ya go honey" trick. Memorize her number and as time goes by when you get the chance just give other girls your not interested in her number as yours. So for a year or so girls will be calling her asking for you.

Yeah that's pretty dirty all right. :eek: