[the_original]

Hey all, been a long time since I posted on this site. Almost 2 years ago now I posted about a breakup I was going through, and so many countless posters helped me get through it. I thought I worked my issues out, and would stop making the same mistakes in my new relationship, but I haven't, and I need help again.

I started dating my current girlfriend a little over 3 months ago. I am 23 and she is 20. We fell for each other fast, and the relationship got serious fairly quickly. After about the first month or so, I started noticing certain feelings I was getting (jealousy, being clingy) coming back, even though I KNEW they were wrong, and I KNEW they were part of the damage done in my past relationship(s). For awhile, I didn't act on them or say anything, but then I started too, and I find that I've turned myself into this paranoid guy who is constantly worried about being left (probably due to a surprise dump in previous relationship) or being cheated on (happened with first serious girlfriend in high school). When I was single I never had these feelings, and in fact my nickname to my friends was Epic Steve*, because I was the happy go lucky party guy.

Also, she has issues with jealousy, and issues from her previous relationships that make her feel a certain way about some things. She constantly asks about my ex, and tries to compare herself. Also, in the beginning of the relationship, one day I left the room for a moment and left my laptop on, and when I came back, she was going through old Facebook chats, posts, etc.

So the advice I came here looking for is what can I do, or what can we do, to help overcome these things and strengthen our relationship? I don't want to get mad anymore when she says she needs a night to herself, and I don't want to be asked about my exes anymore. This relationship is amazing 95% of the time, and I love the girl without a doubt, I just want to make our relationship stronger and even better, because these are really petty issues.

Thanks to anyone who read that!

*Epic Steve not my real name

[geminichick]

I understand about the whole rushing into things really quickly. Even though I'm 13 years older than you I've made these mistakes in the past with past relationships. My question is.. is there a reason why you have feelings of jealousy and clingyness? Maybe start there. What fears do you have? What are you afraid is going to happen? This can really destroy a relationship. I guess where I draw the line is when she is invading your privacy by going on your computer to see what your up to. Maybe these are issues that you both may have to work out together. Fix her a nice romantic dinner and discuss the fears you both have together. These issues are not really petty. What's important is you want to work on this now before it destroys your relationship with her. Take care. I hope this helped. All the best!

[talaniman]

Its been 3 months, and despite the speed of things you are two flawed strangers trying to cope with a new partner, AND yourselves.

Start talking honestly, and slow down and give each other some space. Much the same as you have said here, tell her what you expect, and have fun not issues, or neither of you is ready.

Calmly discuss your fears, and see if you can help each other with the impulsive bad behavior.

[the_original]

Thanks for the great advice from both of you, I agree it would be wise to slow things down a bit. We are crazy about each other, but every week or two these issues keep coming to the surface. We are both damaged goods and I hope we can fix ourselves and our relationship together.

[the_original]

I hate the way my girlfriend dresses

[ScottGem]

And your question is?

You have three choices

1) Tell her how you feel
2) Take her shopping and buy her clothes you approve of
3) end the relationship

[Oldwomencase11]

My boyfriend hates when I wear really low cut shirts. But if she dresses differently then everyone else because she likes to stand out you should except the way she is . And never tell her what she can and can't do.

[geminichick]

If you don't like the way she dresses than why are you with her? If you truly love someone you will accept them for who they truly are. Nothing more, nothing less!

[talaniman]

Get over it, or get gone.