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1armymom · Feb 9, 2007, 07:15 AM

I Don't Know Why My Husband Always Ask Me What I Am Doing. We Have Been Married For 11 Years. I Am His Third Marriage And This Is My Second. It Really Bothers Me When I Would Get Up From The Chair To Go In The Kitchen Or In The Bathroom And He Would Ask Where Are You Going, He Sees That I Am Going In These Places In The Home, There Is No Escape Door Or Anything!
When I Go To The Grocerie Store He Calls Me 10 Min. Later And Asks Are You There Yet, Or Where Are You At Now. I Was In My Sons Room One Time Cleaning, And He Was Calling For Me, I Went To Him And Asked What He Wanted And He Replied, "oh, Just Wanted To Know What Your Doing. Or He Would Call Me And Wanted Me To Hand Him The Remote. I Don't Understand This Behavior, He's Always Been This Way. Does Anyone Know Why? I Pretty Much Know About His Other Wives, They Never Cheated On Him, He Divorced Her, They Were Just Way To Young And Didn't Work Out, His Second Wife Was As Bullheaded As He Was, They Never Agreede On Anything, They Were Always Arguing. So Now Its Me, I Don't Like Arguing, His Friends Tell Me He Really Adores Me. So Why Am I Getting The Where You At And What Are You Doing Treatment? And How Do I Handle This? Armymom

RubyPitbull · Feb 11, 2007, 02:51 PM

This simple answer to your question is that your husband is an extremely jealous man. As his friend's say, he adores you. He also doesn't have trust in you and wants to you to account for your time when you are away from him. This is a very emotionally dangerous relationship for both of you and is a form of abuse. Why would he not have any trust in you?

Army Mom, I am very puzzled. You say your husband has been doing this to you for 11 years and you are only trying to find answers to this behavior NOW? I noticed your response to another poster who wanted to know if "he" is the one and how do you keep a marriage together. Did you read the responses from the other posters on what makes a marriage work? You need to go back and read them and ask yourself is this the kind of marriage I have? I am not trying to be mean or cruel but rather trying to get you to do some inner soul searching here.

Your marriage is not the way a good, caring, and loving marriage should be. Your husband is exhibiting controlling behavior to the extreme. I wasn't clear on your bathroom statement -- does he question you when you need to take a bathroom break? That is about as far as anyone can go to ensure an utter breakdown in a relationship. And, the fact that he is too lazy to pick up the remote himself, I find absolutely bizarre. Did you get the remote for him and not say anything? If my late husband ever did that to me, he would have been picking the broken pieces of the remote out of all the crevices in his body!

Am I missing something here? Is your husband physically dependent upon you? Is he in a wheel chair? Then, I could understand this behaviour on his part.

Why are you allowing him to do this to you?

You asked how to handle this. He is not going to change no matter what you say or do. This has been going on far too long for you to correct. You have both fallen into a pattern here. A.M. please, please, please, go to a marriage counselor with him. If he refuses to go, then you need to do this on your own. AND, for pete's sake, find a woman therapist so he doesn't think you are cheating on him! You need to reclaim your life. You need to understand why you are allowing him to do this to you. Personally, that kind of behaviour would drive me insane within a few hours and the guy's bag would be packed and thrown into the street.

I had a wonderful relationship with my late husband. We were best friends. There wasn't any jealousy, there wasn't any yelling or fighting. If we disagreed, we talked it out. There was nothing I wouldn't do for that man, and him for me. But, I went out with my girlfriends shopping, among other things. He would kiss me and say "have a good time, will you be back for dinner?" And, the same on my end. There was NEVER any checking up on each other because we trusted each other. And, when he was diagnosed with cancer, I fought tooth and nail to find a cure. There is nothing I wouldn't have done for that man. That is what a marriage should be like. Not what you are being subjected to.

talaniman · Feb 13, 2007, 11:02 AM

I too am also curious how you have known how he is and put up with it for 11 years. At least we have a clue as his other marriages failed, and now this one is getting questionable at best. I think talking to a professional or a pastor would benefit you both, if he is unwilling then maybe you should go for yourself as I see no honest communications going on at all here.