[LosingHope]

Hi. I have an EXTREMELY manipulative, volatile, 23 year old daughter who is in jail, probably until January,2012. I have guardianship of her baby, and she uses the baby like a weapon against me - every time the slightest little thing upsets her, she rages at me and tells me she's calling child services to have the baby taken away, or that she's setting up a guardianship hearing to take the baby away and give her to someone else, or says that when she gets out that I'll NEVER see the baby again. (I've had her for 10 months, she sees my husband and myself as her parents, and her mom as the lady we go visit. We've had her since she was 5 months old.)

My daughter has had, in the past, diagnoses of early onset bi-polar disorder by a psychiatrist, then the state turned around and first said they saw nothing wrong - that it had to me all my fault that she acted that way. Eventually they got around to giving her a diagnoses of personality disorder, and a couple other things I can't even remember anymore. She denied it all, insists SHE'S perfectly FINE, it's me (and apparently almost everybody else) that has the problem, and has convinced countless people that it's all my fault.

She's very intelligent, and people just getting to know her - like state psychologists - end up believing her lies. She convinces her friends I'm some evil witch, even though I do everything I can to help her in whatever she needs. She abuses me so much that each time she calls I cringe and wonder if it's going to be the good daughter or the bad daughter on the phone. I walk on eggshells with her, have to monitor everything I say or don't say, and I live in fear and dread of her.

I've been told I should just not go take the baby to see her, but if I did that, she'd come after me however she could - the most immediate would be to try to take the baby away. She would put her in state care just to hurt me, not caring at all how it affected the baby, or what lies she had to tell, and claiming all the time how much she LOVES the baby.

I can do virtually nothing right in her book, and have been criticised and mocked and humiliated n public, in front of her friends and people I know, and have had WAY more than enough. Her whole life she's made me the object of public humiliation and mocking, and nothing could stop it.

With the baby involved, I just don't know what to do. I can't disentangle myself from her, I can't run away, I can't tell her to go away - what do I do? Honestly, it's gotten to the point where I feel like a trapped animal!

[Fr_Chuck]

So ignore her threats, wait till she tries something in court and fight it. This is the issue and problems when you don't have custody over a child and have to deal with the parents.

You can expect this forever most likely unless you get other court orders

[ScottGem]

What are the terms in which you got guardianship?

[LosingHope]

She gave us temporary guardianship after her arrest, so we could take the baby to the doctor, etc. Having given us custody, she assumes, and I don't know if she's right or not, that she can just as easily take it away again. My husband has been insisting that he's not going to let the baby go without a fight, until she has a steady job, a place to live, etc. and that he's going to tell the court what she's really like. I try not to think of it, because if he does - and even though I know it's probably the right thing to do, and that we really don't know how much we can trust her with a baby that's now a rambunctious toddler who's bound to annoy her - I'm scared to death of her reaction. She's told me, many times, and even over the PRISON PHONES, that if I ever tried keeping the baby, or taking her away from her, I WOULD be DEAD. I've no doubt she'd do something.

[ScottGem]

First, custody and guardianship are different things. If she gave you temp guardianship while she's in jail, then she can revoke it when she gets out.

What you need to do is get an attorney to inform you of what you can do to get more permanent custody of your grandchild. You may have some options or may not.

[DoulaLC]

Just to add to what advice has been given... document every exchange you have with her.