[brittbrattniqqa]

I'm 15 and had a baby at 14 and he is now 2 and a half months and I am in foster care , and no one wants to take me because they say "im bad " and look at me differently just because I qot pregnant early.. and I don't think its fair at all

[Wondergirl]

You do realize someone who adopts you gets TWO kids, not just one. I suspect that's why adoption is unlikely.

Once you consider yourself grown up enough to HAVE a baby, you are supposed to be able to financially and emotionally provide for that baby.

Are you a good mother with a good job?

[Fr_Chuck]

I am sorry, but I hope you have a loving foster home, many if not most of the foster parents give of theirself to be there and help chlidren in need.

But the issue is just that you are 14, so for most things people view that your values and your morals and your direction in life is already set. Next they also view you as almost grown. Most people just want babies or smaller children. I know it is not perhaps right or fair, but it is life.

I am not sure if you gave the baby up or if the baby was taken by the system or if you perhaps have the baby with you. If you have the baby, it will be even harder.

In this, you still find a direction for your life, set your goals and work hard for it. Anything is still possible.

[ScottGem]

While I can understand your pain, you need to understand some things. You are probably not going to like this, but I think it has to be said.

It was not fair of you to engage in sex at 14 and risk having a child. It is not fair of you to be a burden on the taxpayer by having a child you cannot support yourself. It is not fair to your child to put her in a situation like this.

I don't know whether you are "bad", but you have certainly made some very bad choices in your life. Choices that YOU made so you shouldn't be thinking that you are not being treated fairly because of the choices you made.

What you SHOULD be doing it trying to get the most out of the system by finishing your education and getting a good job so you can support your child. Or maybe you should be considering giving the child up for adoption to someone who can care for the child properly.

But if you continue with this attitude that the world owes you something and that you are being treated unfairly, you will not be doing yourself or your baby any favors.

[JudyKayTee]

You don't want to hear this BUT what is not "fair" is having a child and expecting the taxpayers of the world to support it.

Getting pregnant at 14 doesn't automatically place a person in foster care. What's the rest of the story?

[joypulv]

One side of me agrees that life is unfair, that you are costing the taxpayers money for foster care and baby care, and that you are expecting to be catered to.
The other side of me wonders if you had no father, and a mother who wasn't able to love you. Without love and care and support and protection, young girls look for it elsewhere. Such as guys, who just want sex. Then girls think that a baby will love them unconditionally (they will, for a while) and that will fill the empty feeling. You didn't learn responsibility, you didn't have anyone to teach you. Now you are going to be an adult in 3 short years and few people will care that you didn't learn it.
I hope you consider letting someone adopt your baby. That will give you time to be young yourself, to finish school, have friends who can go places, and so on. Then you have to be an adult whether you like it or not. Think about what you want to do for a living. Don't expect people, whether foster parents, adoptive parents, or men, to take care of you. Men of course will be around wanting sex and someone to cook for a while, but real love is VERY hard to find, so you need your own life first.

[Mini_Her]

Wow, you people judge children a little too much. You all say she was too young to have sex, yet you seem to think she was old enough to be held accountable for her own actions. Listen to your own double standards! Have you ever heard the saying "15 year old girl holds hand with her 1 year old son. People call her a slut but no one knows she was raped at 13"...

Let me jog a little knowledge into you folks. Kids are KIDS. If they are not TAUGHT better, they won't know any better. I have a friend who was killed at 13, and some people blame her for her death saying she put herself in that situation. REALITY CHECK: HER PARENTS PUT HER IN THAT SITUATION!

She was molested several times in her childhood, because her mother sold her as a sex slave when she was 4. The cops finally rescued her when she was 7 but it was too late. The damaged had been done. She was placed in a therapeutic foster home where she was diagnosed with a "childhood sex abuse syndrome" and her ONLY symptom of that syndrome was the fact that she was sexually active... NOW WAS IT HER FAULT THAT SHE DEVELOPED A "CHILDHOOD SEX ABUSE SYNDROME"?? No, it was her parents fault.

We ALL made mistakes as children. Are you the same person that you were when you were 14? Weren't there things YOU did then that you would not do today? Well if you guys were PERFECT teens who did NOTHING wrong then more power to you and your parents. But unfortunately, many children are not blessed into perfect homes, and have to learn everything on their own, and thus they make BIG mistakes.

[Mini_Her]

I doubt she is in foster care just because she got pregnant. I'm pretty sure she was already in foster care when she got pregnant. And for someone to say she's costing taxpayers money is just wrong. It's not her fault that her parents failed her and she ended up in foster care. My best-friend grew up in foster care, and she was raped by her biological father before being removed. She told me that she was treated as if SHE was the blame for being there, and she grew up feeling ashamed, and thinking she was worthless. Imagine being a child whose parents totally let them down then you go to foster care only to be treated like a criminal, as if it's your fault that you were there. SMH and folks wonder why kids grow up to be such vile adults. You should not ever tell a foster child that they are using tax payers dollars, because it is NOT their fault. Oh and BTW, my best-friend was adopted by one of her foster parents, and she had a child but the foster parent was not responsible for the child, SHE was! She always had custody of her daughter since day one, and even when she was still in foster care, her daughter was NOT a foster child. Had the state terminated her parental rights then her daughter would have been under someone else's care, or foster care. So no; the adopted parents would not have to adopt this girl's child, they can adopt just her.

[Mini_Her]

Now, to the young lady who started this thread: I am sorry to hear about your experiences, and I wish you all the best. I hope some day you find a loving family, who take you in with open arms. You are right--no one should judge you just because you got pregnant. My cousin got pregnant at 13 and she now lives in a condo on Brickell avenue (Miami's business spot, it's like Florida's "Manhattan"). She has two bachelor degrees, and her own newspaper. Besides the fact that she got pregnant, she was every parent's dream child. Honor roll student, never used drugs, never got into any fights nor trouble. But my sister on the other hand is 21 years old and NEVER been pregnant. She started smoking Marijuana at 14, got with the wrong crowd, joined a gang, and ran away from home. After years of searching for her, my search ended on a porn site (she is a porn star today). I am pretty sure ANY decent parent would have rather had my cousin who got pregnant at 13, instead of my sister who NEVER got pregnant. My whole point to you is don't let anyone make you feel worthless because you are not. Teens are doing MUCH worse than getting pregnant. That's all little one :)

[joypulv]

Mini_Her, that is well written and heartfelt. I don't think anyone was unaware of all that puts young women, children still, into such situations. It's the way her question was stated, as though she has no clue of why it's unlikely she won't be adopted and that it has nothing to do with being seen as bad (her words). You hope some day a loving family will take her in with open arms, yet I'll bet you know that's just a dream for a 15 year old who isn't in that loving family now. As for taxes... that's a reality too. She and her baby are both being supported by the taxpayer.
Responses here were some gentle (I thought Fr_Chuck was very kind yet realistic) and some not, which I think is good.

[ScottGem]

Mini-Her, You do present the flip side of the coin here. But please don't accuse us of making judgments when you are doing the very same thing. You are judging the OP and us based on your own experiences and prejudices. You are making a lot of assumptions here without any supporting information from the OP.

All we know is what the OP told us. Maybe she was abused as a child. Maybe she was put into a situation where she sought love by having sex. Maybe she was raped. Or maybe she was a spoiled child who was taught better but ignored her parents teachings. Maybe she is in foster care because her parents could no longer handle her. The point is you don't know and I don't know, we can only go by what we have been told.

But there are some facts here that can't be ignored. Fact one is that people make their own choices. Unless the OP was raped, she chose to engage in sex. She tried to emulate adult behavior before she was ready. That's why she was too young. But once she made that choice, she has to learn to deal with the consequences of that choice.

Yes, there are people lost in the system through no or little fault of their own. They didn't receive the help they needed. But for everyone of those, there is at least one that is milking the system, that was given the help they needed and did not make the most of it. 

Mini-Her, you have to learn there are two sides to almost every coin. Some people see one side, some people see another. Some see both. But if you were the one giving Not Helpful ratings, then you are being unfair to those you rated. Your posts here could have easily been given the same rating since you are actually being of less help to the OP because you are giving her excuses for her behaviors and fostering the poor me, life is not fair attitude displayed by her. At least we tried to help her by helping her understand the position she is in and, hopefully, spur her to try and get out of that position. All you have done is give her someone else to blame and make excuses.

[Mini_Her]

Mini-Her, You do present the flip side of the coin here. But please don't accuse us of making judgments when you are doing the very same thing. You are judging the OP and us based on your own experiences and prejudices. You are making a lot of assumptions here without any supporting information from the OP.

All we know is what the OP told us. Maybe she was abused as a child. Maybe she was put into a situation where she sought love by having sex. Maybe she was raped. Or maybe she was a spoiled child who was taught better but ignored her parents teachings. Maybe she is in foster care because her parents could no longer handle her. The point is you don't know and I don't know, we can only go by what we have been told.

But there are some facts here that can't be ignored. Fact one is that people make their own choices. Unless the OP was raped, she chose to engage in sex. She tried to emulate adult behavior before she was ready. That's why she was too young. But once she made that choice, she has to learn to deal with the consequences of that choice.

Yes, there are people lost in the system through no or little fault of their own. They didn't receive the help they needed. But for everyone of those, there is at least one that is milking the system, that was given the help they needed and did not make the most of it. 

Mini-Her, you have to learn there are two sides to almost every coin. Some people see one side, some people see another. Some see both. But if you were the one giving Not Helpful ratings, then you are being unfair to those you rated. Your posts here could have easily been given the same rating since you are actually being of less help to the OP because you are giving her excuses for her behaviors and fostering the poor me, life is not fair attitude displayed by her. At least we tried to help her by helping her understand the position she is in and, hopefully, spur her to try and get out of that position. All you have done is give her someone else to blame and make excuses.

The OP did not say the world owe her anything, and she did not say life is unfair. You and I both know that life can make a child feel it's much harder than it really is. You and I both know that unfairness is very common in the road of life. So if someone speaks of the unfair treatment they endure, how do you interpret it as "the world owes me, life is unfair"? She did say those things, she simply said it's unfair that parents judge her based on her pregnancy. As a stated, if a child is not taught better, they won't know any better. The same way a decent woman adopted my friend (who got pregnant at 13), took her in and provided the love and training that she needed, someone should be FAIR and give this particular girl the same. She is right, it's NOT fair for someone to dismiss her as "bad" just because she has a child. That alone does not make a person bad...

[Mini_Her]

Mini_Her, that is well written and heartfelt. I don't think anyone was unaware of all that puts young women, children still, into such situations. It's the way her question was stated, as though she has no clue of why it's unlikely she won't be adopted and that it has nothing to do with being seen as bad (her words).

Perhaps she came for support? Maybe she has no one to talk to, and needed a shoulder to lean on. You folks had such MEAN responses to the poor girl. Why knock her down for her mistakes? One that probably (especially with her being in foster care) is NOT her fault?

As for taxes... that's a reality too. She and her baby are both being supported by the taxpayer.

Ok but is that HER fault? A child is never placed in foster care at their own fault. If she's tax payers dollars, go tell that to her PARENTS, not her! She didn't choose to be in foster care so why tell her that she's costly?

[ScottGem]

i don't think its fair at all

That's what she said. It appears to me that YOU are the one stretching what she said to fit your own view of the circumstances. You are making a lot of assumptions without any basis from the OP. Foster care generally receives public support. Public support comes from tax dollars. Those are facts. The OP asked a question and she was given honest and accurate statements based on that question. That was being helpful. Giving her excuses and people to blame other than herself is not In my opinion, being helpful.

[J_9]

Due to the argumentative nature this thread has become it has been closed.