[leti1980]

Hi I am 8 weeks pregnant and it was not planned at all. I am very worried we will not cope with money time for the children we already have and it will compromise everything as we already struggle at the moment.
I really can't bear the thought of an abortion but don't feel we should have another and would not want to put the baby up for adoption.
Is there any mums out there that have had 3 and feel its OK and coped with money and attention for other children?

[JudyKayTee]

I have no children, and that's not by my choice. I can sympathize and very possibly agonize with you. How old are your other children?

Your choices, obviously, are adoption, abortion, having the child. How does your husband feel about the choices and the pregnancy? It's easy for someone to tell you it'll be okay, you'll have to make the money stretch a little more, but these are such difficult financial times all over...

Money is one issue. Attention is something else. Hearts stretch, time sort of stretches, the child fits in, the other children pitch in, you can do it. I'm not saying it's easy, but it can be done.

I particularly sympathize because I have a very dear friend who has two children, 12 and 14, is going through a divorce, husband stopped over, one thing led to another - and she just found out she's pregnant. She's heartsick for several reasons - and I don't know what to tell her.

Someone will come along with some experience to help you.

Hang in there!

[leti1980]

Thanks I am sure it will be fine and we would cope just don't want to struggle as we always do. We have to girls 4 and 1 there both very good. We are just getting back on our feet. I do really feel for your friend must be a very hard time for her.
Thanks again. Xx

[DoulaLC]

Hi leti1980...

You will be amazed at how you will manage. It can seem overwhelming right now, as you are still likely adjusting to the idea of having a surprise pregnancy, but you will do just fine.

Babies, and children for that matter, really don't "need" as much as we think. Often the stuff we buy for them are things we like or think they will enjoy. Since your other children are still quite young, you may still have items that you used with them. You can certainly find gently used items at places such as Oxfam, or from friends and family if necessary.

In one way you will find it easy since you are still in baby mode. There won't be the transition of going back to doing the baby things.

Your kids will benefit from built in playmates as well... :)

At times it will be hectic, but the fun and memorable times with your family will far outweigh the challenges. Key is to keep your sense of humour!

You will find you have an abundance of love to share between all of your children. I have four and would have loved to have more. It is great fun... I miss the days when they were little... :)

[Fr_Chuck]

While all of those babies are in their 30's now. My wife and I raised 4 all within 4 years of each other. It also depends on what you feel kids must have, they don't have to own designer clothes, jeans from yard sales and second hand stores do very well. Walmart tennis shoes do not bring death to them. You can be surprised at discount you can get for just asking. You don't eat out every week, and a very special meal may be when you do with coupons.
With 4 boys, meals were cooked in large pots, often fresh foods and a deep freeze where we bought only super sales and lots off it.

I honestly did not owe a new shirt or pair of pants for most likely 25 years, I was on a first name basis with the people at Goodwill thrift stores.

[Wondergirl]

I envy you. I wanted four children (and we were dirt poor!), but my husband stopped at two. Like others have said, you probably have clothes and equipment left from the older two (or friends/relatives will give you hand-me-downs), and children don't need that much to survive (just their parents' love).

I pray you have a healthy baby that will bring happiness into your life!

[leti1980]

Thanks to you all. I have everything a baby and young child could ever need but it's the time off work rebuilding my buissness after my time off, bigger house.
I don't mean we won't be able to afford holidays nice clothes etc. cause we never go out for dinner and never buy any new clothes or nice things for the house etc. and are on such a small tight budget as it is with food and bill that's why I worry.
I know things will work out and we will get through but I wanted better than that for my children I already have.

[Wondergirl]

The people who lived in our house before us raised three boys who shared a 10x10 bedroom. Our two sons shared that same room with each other until the younger one went off to college at 18. It was our starter home that we still live in 40 years later. We learned we really don't need lots of space after all. And our memories aren't of "stuff" but of happy family rituals and good times.

[JudyKayTee]

thanks to you all. i have everything a baby and young child could ever need but its the time off work rebuilding my buissness after my time off, bigger house.
I don't mean we wont be able to afford holidays nice clothes etc. cause we never go out for dinner and never buy any new clothes or nice things for the house etc. and are on such a small tight budget as it is with food and bill that's why i worry.
I know things will work out and we will get through but i wanted better than that for my children i already have.

You don't see it - but your children DO have better. They have parents who love them and who sacrifice for them. That's a lot more than a lot of children have.

As I said, I have no natural children. I have 5 stepchildren. I envy you.

Keep us posted.

[leti1980]

Just to give you all an update I am now 19 weeks pregnant and my partner and I are very happy.
It did take a while to sink in but it was meant to be.
Thanks to all for your help.
Leti x

[JudyKayTee]

I'm glad you found peace! Keep us informed - boy or girl?

[DoulaLC]

Just to give you all an update i am now 19 weeks pregnent and my partner and i are very happy.
It did take a while to sink in but it was ment to be.
Thanks to all for your help.
leti x

Thanks for the update! Wishing you a smooth and easy pregnancy... :)