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wittenauer · Nov 21, 2011, 10:11 AM

I am currently 7 months pregnant, living with the father. I have a 9yr old daughter from a previous relationship.
I worked until a month ago, and was 'forced' to quit for financial reasons. (Babys dad wouldn't help with anything unless I moved in with him, and he lives far from my job, my hours were reduced and the environment wasn't good for a pregnancy anyway, at a concrete redimix plant)

Anyway. I would like to move to Washington state, and currently reside in Missouri. The baby's father forbids this.

I know that moving before my baby is born is the best option; However, I have little money, and the baby's father took 600 from me to cover his negative bank account. (I kept the deposit receipts for that money)

What are my options, if I continue to live off him, and wait to move until my baby is born and I have my income tax money to use to move and secure myself a new place?

I would have to put his name on the birth certificate, and use his last name for my son if I stay. He is verbally and emotionally abusive, and very manipulative.

As far as my daughter goes, her father has his wages garnished by the state, but I don't know his address and he was unable to be served two months ago when I filed for a restraining order, so I do not anticipate any problem in that arena.

cdad · Nov 21, 2011, 01:25 PM

What is currently under orders from the courts regarding your first child? What does a restraining order have to do with your ex if you have been divorced already?

wittenauer · Nov 21, 2011, 01:34 PM

We were never married.
There's no need to discuss the first child.
Her father likes to stalk me, but he is a violent offender and will not take me to court. We've never been to court. The state started taking money from him because my daughter was on state medical, and they wanted to. I didn't ask for support.

The issue is my unborn child. I can immediately enroll my daughter in school to establish residency, but with a baby that takes 6mo or being born there.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 21, 2011, 02:57 PM

Yes we need to address the first child, since you did not clarify it. The first child's father can object to you moving if he wants to.

Also the 2nd child father can, if you move now, after the child is born, still file to have the child returned to the state, it may or may not have a case, but he can try. And you should have asked for child support on the first child, I am sorry but why people will cheat their children out of their money is beyond me.

But there is a risk if you move without his permission.
Also even if you stay and even if you are living with him, there is no requirement he be listed on the birth certificate and the baby does not have to be given his last name.
He may want it, but you have all the control over this.

wittenauer · Nov 21, 2011, 03:18 PM

My daughter is NINE and he's never shown interest. I didn't ask for the support because he would then be granted visitation. Id murder him before leaving her unattended with him.
He does not care and hasn't known my location for a year now. So. No issue. Trust me.

With paternity not established, how could unborn baby daddy in state of MO have any right if I move and give birth, and enroll my daughter in school elsewhere? Wouldn't paternity need to be eatablished?

cdad · Nov 21, 2011, 03:26 PM

Originally Posted by wittenauer

We were never married.
Theres no need to discuss the first child.
Her father likes to stalk me, but he is a violent offender and will not take me to court. We've never been to court. The state started taking money from him because my daughter was on state medical, and they wanted to. I didnt ask for support.

The issue is my unborn child. I can immediately enroll my daughter in school to establish residency, but with a baby that takes 6mo or being born there.

Enrolling a child in school does not establish legal residency. It only shows intention. Your getting really bad information from your friends. Your ex can file in the home state on the first child and then you can either return with the child or just send the child back. You need to be very careful with your current situation or it can turn on you quickly.

cdad · Nov 21, 2011, 03:29 PM

Originally Posted by wittenauer

With paternity not established, how could unborn baby daddy in state of MO have any right if I move and give birth, and enroll my daughter in school elsewhere? Wouldnt paternity need to be eatablished?

Sure it will be established at some point. But the real kicker is he can file if you flee to establish it as soon as the child is born and fight in Mo for his rights. Again you need to be very careful with all this.

wittenauer · Nov 21, 2011, 03:35 PM

All right.
The first child aside.
You're saying that a pregnant woman can't move, give birth, and stay where she moved? Where 90% of her extended family lives?

By the time he files for paternity, AFTER the birth, which would be a month or so after the move, won't that take a few months of paperwork and such? Especially since I don't have to give him my address, since we have no other common kid or anything?

Im an educated woman, he is less so.
He lives 2 hours from his closest family and has crappy credit.
- Can't afford a lawyer is the point there-

cdad · Nov 21, 2011, 03:38 PM

Originally Posted by wittenauer

Alright.
The first child aside.
Youre saying that a pregnant woman can't move, give birth, and stay where she moved? Where 90% of her extended family lives?

By the time he files for paternity, AFTER the birth, which would be a month or so after the move, wont that take a few months of paperwork and such? Especially since I dont have to give him my address, since we have no other common kid or anything?

Im an educated woman, he is less so.
He lives 2 hours from his closest family and has crappy credit.
- Can't afford a lawyer is the point there-

He can file before the child is born with intention to establish paternity. Then you will be under court orders at that point. If he is too broke to afford a filing fee in many cases it can be waived. He doesn't have to wait. What you do with the pregnancy is your choice.

wittenauer · Nov 21, 2011, 03:41 PM

So... Are my chances of being allowed to stay in WA higher if I move before, or after the birth?
I have no reason to deny visitation to baby's dad. That's all fine with me.

cdad · Nov 21, 2011, 03:49 PM

Here is the thing. Mostly it depends on who files what and when. Residency isn't established for about 6 months when you move to another state. So in the case of the first child there is a six month window (to worry about). In the case of the one you are carrying that's mostly going to depend on when the father of that child files. If he objects to the move and you move anyway should he file now then its possible that Mo will hold jurisdiction. You would have the disadvantage of being out of state. If he files as soon as you leave then it could mean trouble in the most extreme way if court orders aren't followed.

You might want to try to discuss things with him and see where you stand. If he would be comfortable with visitation then your going to have to figure out how to establish it. Its best to figure it out before you leave.

wittenauer · Nov 21, 2011, 03:54 PM

He would not say OK. So I would leave after veiled threats to do so, so that he can't say I just vanished, while he's at work.
Then he can't file before I've left.

cdad · Nov 21, 2011, 03:57 PM

Originally Posted by wittenauer

He would not say OK. So I would leave after veiled threats to do so, so that he can't say I just vanished, while hes at work.
Then he can't file before I've left.

He can file as soon as you leave. What he is filing is intent. That is where you have to be extremely careful.

wittenauer · Nov 21, 2011, 03:58 PM

But isn't that better than taking an infant and leaving? He could have me immediately return if I had the baby already, right?

cdad · Nov 21, 2011, 04:05 PM

Originally Posted by wittenauer

But isnt that better than taking an infant and leaving?? He could have me immediately return if I had the baby already, right??

No because it could end up that you lose home state advantage. And once that is in place federal law is very strict about keeping it to a home state. Wa could be kept out of the picture. Everything would have to go through Mo.

wittenauer · Nov 21, 2011, 04:05 PM

Also, how could "they" force me to move back if I have nowhere to live and no financial way to come back? Couldn't I just file in WA for a custody hearing or send him a custody agreement, and hope he agrees with it?

wittenauer · Nov 21, 2011, 04:07 PM

Giving birth doesn't automatically set the 'home state'? I was also born in WA. (Im sure that doesn't matter)

cdad · Nov 21, 2011, 04:11 PM

Originally Posted by wittenauer

Giving birth doesnt automatically set the 'home state'? I was also born in WA. (Im sure that doesnt matter)

It may matter as far as when something is filed. Like I had said earlier. Should he file as soon as you leave then Mo could become the home state. If he waits until after the birth then for that child the home state will be wherever you end up.

Your first child will still be on the 6 month time. That is why we had asked about her too. We try to give accurate answers and sometimes as in this case there is a lot of splitting going on between the laws and how they apply to your situation.

ScottGem · Nov 21, 2011, 04:15 PM

I'm sorry to say you are caught between a rock and hard place. If you move with the unborn child the father can file in MO and force you to return. As soon as the child is born he can file to prevent your moving. If you hide the child you can be charged with parental kidnapping.

I think you stand the best chance of moving before the child is born. But it will depend on how hard he wants to pursue this.

P.S Since you brought up your older child, it became an issue that we had to ask about to give you the best answers.

wittenauer · Nov 21, 2011, 04:18 PM

So... Urgh.
Lol

Well crap.

If I move, is there something I can file before the baby is born, from another state, to get a jump on him? Like child support or paternity?