[jsb123]

My 24 year old daughter lives with me. I have been separated from my husband for about 6 years. My daughter is extremely angry with me. I cannot talk to her without her getting verbally abusive or physically abusive. Last year I had to call the police to have her removed from my home. She lived with her father for a few months but that didn't work out. I let her come back home. At that time she was doing cocaine and was with an abusive man. I suspect she is doing cocaine again but not as frequent. Anyway, I would like her to get counceling for her anger but she refuses, she claims I'm the "sico". I have told her to leave by the end of the month... did I do the right thing kicking her out again?
Thank you

[cdad]

Its called tough love. You can't allow her to run your life. If she is addicted to drugs then she needs help. By cutting her off you will be showing her your willing to take a stand. Your real problem is that you can't buckle again and allow her to come back unless she is clean and well mannerd. Its your house so its always your rules.

[jsb123]

Thank you for your advice. I hope using "tough love" will eventually bring us together in a respectfull manner.

[cdad]

Thank you for your advice. I hope using "tough love" will eventually bring us together in a respectfull manner.

Its unfortunate but that really isn't up to you as your not the one doing the misbehaving. Another thing is that if she gets violent and you must have her removed again then seek a restraining order against her. It may be your only means of getting peace and she can be court ordered into anger management.

[jsb123]

I have been separated for 8 years. I'am in a serious, long distance relationship now for two years. My adult children do not like my boyfriend, especially my 24 year old daughter who still lives at home with me. My boyfriend has no trouble telling my daughter how disrecpectful she is to me. My boyfriend and I want to try living together but he won't move in with me until my daughter moves out. I feel like I have to pick between my kids and my boyfriend. Not sure if I should break up with my boyfriend or tell my daughter she needs to find her own place. She is working full time and trying to save for a car.
I love my boyfriend and my kids... never expected a relationship after being married for 20 years.

[happylady123]

Sounds like your boyfriend is being immature by making you choose between him and your daughter, and your daughter may feel he is trying to take over her dads spot. You should try sitting down with both of them and explain how you are feeling any maybe they can come to an agreement so you can all live together. After all you don't want to loose either of them.

[DoulaLC]

Are there any particular reasons they don't like him? Have you discussed it with them? Is your daughter disrespectful to you or is that his impression? Where is your boyfriend living? Have you had visits together? Have your children met him already in person?

Adding: just read your other post to see that you have had some problems with your daughter. Obviously her choices, and her lack of respect, have been issues for you to deal with. Perhaps she dislikes your boyfriend because he calls it as he sees it and she knows she can't get around him. There is not the emotional connection as there is with you... ie. Feelings of guilt, obligation, concern, etc.

If you don't really know already, determine why your children dislike him. They may or may not have valid reasons. Ultimately it is your life and your house. If you feel comfortable with the idea, perhaps setting a time frame. For example: He is going to move in with you in 6 months, so she has that much time to get things sorted and find her own place. Acknowledge that you know she doesn't care for him, but that you do and want to be with him. She is getting older and, since you know she would be unhappy living in the home with him there, you would be more than happy to help her find a nice place that she can afford.