[Teaching]

Hello,

I am wondering if anyone has any advice on respect in relationships/friendships. I am thinking about respecting space, values, requests, etc. What does respect mean to you?

[shygrneyzs]

Respect, to me, means honoring that person's values, religion, family customs, etc. It does not mean I have to understand or even agree, but it does mean that I am thoughtful when considering that person's needs/belief system. It means I accept that person as he or she is, full face value and without conditions. Respect is something earned and so I do not give it away to everyone I meet. I have to learn that the person is trustworthy. That kind of respect is on a deep level of friendship or commitment.

Now there is the respect that is shown in daily exchanges with people one meets - everyone should know that. Sadly many just have not taken the time to learn the lesson or were not taught. That includes manners, politeness, etc.

Does that help answer your question?

[Teaching]

Thank you, yes, it does answer my question. You have a good insight on respect.

In your experience, when would you lose respect from someone? And what would a person have to do to regain that trust and respect? (Let's say I didn't quite respect someone's feelings and I want to make things better by taking a good look at respect).

[shygrneyzs]

I lose respect from someone when I break their trust, fail to follow through on a promise, break a vow, do something harmful to them (that can be physical or emotional), or somehow compromise their own beliefs. That is why I have learned never to make a promise that I know I cannot keep or not to be able to keep. I always preface my promise with, I promise to do my best. Of course, they will see if it is my best or my half baked best. My friends would be honest enough to call me on it too! Lol Thank heavens for friends.

Regaining their trust is going back to the beginning. Admitting the error, asking for frogiveness, and asking them "what can I do to gain your trust back?" Being willing to listen and to do what they ask, having faith that they are not going to ask you to go and rob a bank or break a law or do something they know your conscience would not allow.
If I did not ask them for what they wanted from me, I would consider giving them some "space" and work my way back into their trust. But there too, atonement can only go so far - I would not plead endlessly or pursue endlessly. (I might get arrested for being a stalker if I did)

When you talk about respecting someone's feelings - realize it does not mean you have to be in agreement with their feelings - but you do need to recognize the personal value of their feelings. Someone may call my ideas stupid but to me they are not. Maybe my ideas come from my family culture and family is important. So recognizing the correlation between your different point of view and what their point of view means to them opens the door to a mutual respect. The saying, "agree to disagree" comes into play.

Your feelings are all tied into your sense of being - honor, self worth, ideals, practices, work, etc. Your feelings also play off other people and their perception of you and how they value you. I guess I am saying you know how you want to be treated. The Golden Rule - do unto other as you would have done unto you. If you or me cannot respect someone else's feelings we definitely need to talk to the person and see if we can come to an understanding. It does happen that differences cannot be settled to the point where there is that "agree to disagree". It is not all roses out there. You do all the things you know to do, to the best of your ability and talent, and then pray for the rest.

Did I make any sense? Hope so, if even a little.

[Teaching]

I am not sure if you received my response as I cannot see it here. This really helped and you have given me so much to take away. Thank you.

As for the friend I mentioned well it is difficult to go back, however I hope from what you have shared I can take that away and apply it to the future if this person can get past the hurt and talk to me.

I appreciate your thoughts.