[suprazboy]

Ok so here I go. I met this girl online about 8 months ago. We just clicked and started playing online games together and regularly using Skype video chat (once a day). Then one day her BF left her, saying 'take a break from each other'. She was a mess for a while and I was there for her during the healing process.

About two months into this we started to realize we were falling for each other (remembering we are in different countries, separated by an ocean). She planned to come to my country for her flight training and live here with me. Then the BF came back to her, claiming he had suicidal tendencies and 'i will kill myself if you don't get back with me'. She didn't talk to me for a few days and was not sure whether to get back with him or keep her new plan of coming to me. In the end she chose to stay with him. I made her promise stupid things like kissing other girls while drunk, swearing at her and more) that if he was to do one more serious thing, she would leave him.

She promised and we remained friends which I was pleased with. She goes through phases where she flirts with me and then stops herself and calls herself dumb, then tells me how he is better-ish (not long ago she found a used condom by his bed that wasn't anything to do with her, but he said when the friend of his that was a girl came over, they merely hugged goodbye). Now she has told me that she has to 'Tone down on me' as her boyfriend says it hurts when she talks to me and that he doesn't want her falling in love with me, which she said 'it's plausible that I would'.So now I cannot even be her friend properly as she has constantly got the guilt over her head of talking to me when her BF doesn't like it.

I am thinking of just severing any connections with her butIi think she is an amazing person who I have never felt this way about to any other girl in my life. I make her laugh, she makes me. She regularly compliments me on my looks andIi do her (she is modest). She told me she feels responsible for him and regularly thinks of possibly leaving him but still loving him (I think residual feelings from back when he was good) and she may be blind with love, as she believed the condom ploy, and also he has promised not to talk to a girl who likes him. I feel like it is a completely different situation to the BF and the girl, as I would be happy just being the girl's best friend. But if I can't even do that, what can I do? :( She did tell me she has imagined life in the future and sees me and her together, but then sees her alone... )

[Homegirl 50]

She is with someone else, leave her alone. She can't be fully your's while she is hooked on someone else and you are not much better than he is if you are calling her names and making her make stupid promises to you.
You've known each other 8 months and only on line. Get a grip!

[suprazboy]

No no no you're missing the point. I want to just be friends but the BF is pressuring her into not seeing me AT ALL. I don't want to take her off him. Thanks for the advice, but not too helpful :)

Oh and he is calling her names, not me. I am the good guy in this situation trying to mend things, but the boyfriend is jealous and wants to make her stop seeing the guy that has helped her so much. It sucks because he should be thanking me for stopping her doing something stupid...

[Homegirl 50]

You said you are falling for her, which means you like her. She has a boy friend so you should leave her alone. You are wanting her to leave him so what should he be thanking you
My advice may not have been what you wanted to hear, but it is what it is.

[pandead]

I'm not going to tell you how unhealthy it is to "fall for someone" over the internet, because I know that it is just human not to want to be alone. Her boyfriend treats her badly, she needs someone to talk to and there you are. You want her attention and she gives you what you need, just so you can't tell her to go back to her boyfriend and leave you alone.

Truth is, there is no difference between your situation and what often happens in real life : she is with someone she actually cares about, so much that she can't leave him to be with you, so you settle for the best friend role, hoping more would come with time.

Sad but true, even if she does want to be with you one day, you will only be what you are for her. A guy who lives thousands of miles away she plays online games with and chats on Skype. And that, will always lose against a simple hug.

As for the "she sees us together in the future" part, trust me if she did, she would be with you. When a girl says these things and does nothing to make them happen, it means something.
Don't be her backup plan. Stick with the boyfriend's decision. I'm sure you would hate it too if your girlfriend was talking to someone else online.

[suprazboy]

I can see what you are saying, Homegirl 50, but as it should be if you truly love someone you should be happy if they are happy and I just want to be friends. There will be other girls but I still want to be friends with the coolest girl I have ever met. I can bury my feelings, but I am worried shecannot. I want to be friends that is all. Thanks :)

[Homegirl 50]

If you are so worried that she can't, then leave her alone.
You said you just want to be friends, I'm not sure I believe that but she has a boy friend. You need to chill with her. But you will probably do as you wish.
You two don't even really know each other, you are miles away from each other.
What do you expect from this "friendship"?

[suprazboy]

As I said I am nearing being over my feelings for her and see her as a friend. I want to be her friend. I have told her this and have told her to tell him I am not a threat. We talk to each other daily and do all sorts together, as FRIENDS. I say it again, the last think I want to do is tear her away from him. It is him that has started the whole problem so I have sorted it by telling him that I am not a threat :) I want to be friends and talk that is all.

[talaniman]

You may want friendship, and that's all, but since it's a conflict between what her BF wants and what her chat buddy wants, who wins?

Step back gracefully and let her decide what SHE wants. That's what a REAL friend would do.