[crazyz711]

I have been with a fellow for 3 years and have beautiful rings and now a marriage license as of 2 weeks ago. Again he starts fights and says he will not come by me again but still calls every day. Where do I stand in this relationship. NUTS NUTS!

{threads merged}

[smoothy]

And you are still planning on marrying him? Have you made plans for the divorce yet, because that would be coming sometime after the marriage.

[Fr_Chuck]

Why are you wasting your time with rings, and marriage license till the fighting has stopped and you have a year plus of a good relationship. So he comes around, does that mean you have to open the door.

[crazyz711]

I have a fiancée that I suspect is a dry drunk, I mean no liquor. I swear he is a mental abuser and keeps punishing everything I do including yelling and accusing and never will discuss any logical thing with me but keeps calling and staying away from me but checking everywhere I go. As of now he is mad about a situation that can be turned around but will not discuss and keeps punishing from afar. Very mentally taxing since for years he was decent to me but extra jealous and controlling. What do you think is the best way to handle this emotional beatings from him?

[JudyKayTee]

What do you mean by drunk without liquor? Is he "simply" controlling?

Why do you stay with him? How long has he been this way?

Here's the other half of the story - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/emotio...ks-613204.html.

Note I got an "unhelpful" for asking what a dry drunk is. Perhaps it was easier to check "unhelpful" than give the explanation.

- sometimes I have to wonder!

And just noticed the other half of the story - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...ml#post2951083

[Fr_Chuck]

First sorry but dry drunk is a silly term, never heard of it before. You mean he is controlling or some other abuse.

[dontknownuthin]

I agree with Fr. Chuck that the term "dry drunk" is silly - it's pejorative even for someone who is an alcoholic, so I'd suggest you ditch it from your vocabulary.

But your fiancé sounds abusive, so the way to handle it is terminate the engagement, break up with him and move on. Abusive people tend to become more so, not less so, after marriage, and continues to get worse often as a marriage progresses.

You used to have a bad boyfriend, who became your bad fiancé - don't escalate your problem by making him a bad husband, and ultimately bad ex-husband. Just cut to the chase - end the relationship, do some counseling to find out why you permitted yourself to be with such a person (and what red flags you might have forgiven,ignored or excused away that you shouldn't have). Then go find someone who is positive and builds you up in your life instead of treating you terribly.


Good luck to you.

[smoothy]

Here's the other half of the story - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/emotio...ks-613204.html.

Note I got an "unhelpful" for asking what a dry drunk is.

Well its people in situations like this that still get married anyway with the false belief they can "make" someone else change to suit them. It's no wonder the divorce rate is what it is.

If it everythings not right... nobody should be even planning a wedding much less going through with it. Its hard enough even when it is.

[DrBill100]

Dry drunk (sometimes referred to as a syndrome) is a widely used descriptive in the alcoholism treatment/recovery field and particularly in AA circles. Do you associate the described behaviors with past drinking problem. Is he a recovering alcoholic?

[Wondergirl]

Dry drunk (sometimes referred to as a syndrome) is a widely used descriptive in the alcoholism treatment/recovery field and particularly in AA circles.

I'm glad you posted that. I have two friends who are recovering alcoholics (AA) who have used that term to describe certain people we know.

[Jake2008]

A 'dry drunk' is an alcoholic, who has done nothing but stop the physical aspect of drinking.

Being dry, is not the same as learning to change one's life, to a healthy, sober one.

Counselling is a good way to address the triggers, situations, and habitual behaviours that led to drinking in the first place.

Think of it as learning how to walk again, without a crutch.

Can the two different questions be combined?