[skelly2005]

My son's mother and I divorced when he was five years old. I lived near them until he was eight years old. I moved to the city of Chicago for work and another woman, which was four states away.

I had another child who is now six years old, and my son is highly jealous of her. I moved to Jacksonville, Florida approximately three and half years ago. Since I moved here he has only come down twice, I traveled to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, but it is impossible.

I speak to him on the phone every day and try to give him as much attention as possible. I also probably do way too much financially, and yes because of my regret and my guilt of leaving him.

Within the last two weeks I traveled back to Pennsylvania to see him because he is having problems in school. I went and spoke to his teachers and try to help out. He also indicated to me that he no longer believes in God.

One of his friends committed suicide while there. I spoke to his grandmother about my concerns and his not believing in God anymore. Unfortunately, she did not keep our conversation private, instead, she immediately started speaking to him about this and made him very angry.

He and I were in the car on the way to Best Buy, and he asked me who told his grandmother about his lack of belief. When I told him I did, he immediately got up out of the car and told me he hated me and is done with me.

I grabbed him to talk to him, unfortunately he punched me in my face! It took everything in my power not to strike back, I am only five 1/2 ft and 210 pounds, he is 6 foot three 248.
We argued for about an hour and he said many things that would hurt the strongest person in the world.

I have not yet spoke to him since this happened please give me advice!

Sincerely yours,
Dan, a lost father

[jenniepepsi]

Unfortunately the laws today would not work with my initial reaction of hit him back!

If he hits you again, call the cops. He is almost an adult. Its time he started acting like one, including the adult consequences of his actions.

[skelly2005]

Yes I understand that but how do I get him to open up... no Dad wants to hurt their kid!

[jenniepepsi]

Honestly to me it sounds like average teen anger. I don't mean to down play it at all, but perhaps all he needs is time and space. Has he seen a counsellor or psychologist?

[Fr_Chuck]

Often you have to break them, Juv detention, lock up or a boot camp may be the requirement to break him to have him want help

[jenniepepsi]

Im curious about your terminology chuck. I usually never have any questions about your advice. But why would you have to break a child/teen to fix the problem? Could he also not need understanding and space?

[djvm1]

Teenage boys have lots of testosterone flowing through their veins... and emotional containment isn't
Something they have learned yet. A 16 year old hitting his father is a lack of respect, yes; an emotional outbreak, yes; the end of the world, no.

Best to get your son into counseling... you with him... to sort out the underlying issues. The smack in
The face is just someone who does not know how to verbalize his feelings... and sounds like this boy has many layers of them.

Good luck.

[Fr_Chuck]

It is the same method used in Marine or military training. The same method used for a lot of drug abuse system, they have to get lowered to a point that they understand they need help. They have to feel the need for help.

Those with very poor attitudes think it is "cool" or "great" or what ever words they use today, to be the tough guy, to use force and violience as an answer to things.
Often you have to break them down, get though that to make any real changes.

There is a program in south GA, where they are in the swamp , live in a camp, and their punishment is to chop wood if they don't follow instructions. ( and instructions are hard) I have seen that program take the worst kids and send them home saying yes sir and no sir and glad to be home.