[sadlysarah]

My husband has found out that he has a child from a one night stand with a woman of a different race. Before we were married, I asked him if he ever dated or had sex outside of his race and he lied and said no. Now that I know he lied, I'm wondering is there something else he is not telling me. He thought he could lie and get away with it, but now things are surfacing that point to him having a child with this woman he had the one night stand with. I don't know how I feel about this because even though the child was conceived before we were married, and even before we started dating, he still lied about a simple question. I don't know what to do. It makes me want to cheat or do something bad to get even with him because he lied and thought he could get away with it. Any advice?

[Fr_Chuck]

Strange question ? Are you racist ? Why would you ask him if he ever had sex outside his race, not just if he had sex before you meet him ?

But let me see, new boyfriend, and he lies about having sex with someone else ? I would be more shocked if he had told you the truth. That is what guys do, esp early in a relationship often, try to look like a perfect person to the other, I would say, since you ask, obviously you have, and most likely he though you had some racist issues, so he lied since he figured you would have issues on the race thing.

Yes, breath and get a grip on life. So he lied, most likely he has lied about a 100 things, but guess what, I bet you have also.

There is no getting even, if you can't get over this, leave him, you don't cheat, that makes you worst than him, because it shows you can't put things in any order of importance, and the other you have little respect for your body or your relationship.

What he did was first before you were together except for the "lie" and it was a question about sex with another person before you meet him, which to be honest was none of your business to start with, and he had no reason to tell you.

Advice, get over it, and if you can't, try counseling

[ScottGem]

I agree, that is a strange question. Why would you have ever asked it? Did you ask when you started dating or after you were engaged? Why would it even matter to you?

How long have you been married? How long have you known your husband?

[pandead]

It IS a disturbing question. The whole post is disturbing.
The mother obviously hid the truth and it was even before you started dating. Do you even realize there is a PERSON involved? What are you more concerned about, him not telling you the truth when you first met, or the race of the woman he had a one night stand with?

[vanheart]

You married a liar.

What to do now?

"even before we started dating, he still lied"

Read that one back to yourself a few hundred times.

Who's to blame? Him or you? Someone else?
Now what?

I would leave. Him behind.

He knows what he's done. & you do too.

[mmresd]

Don't do that... it won't solve anything, you guys are married. Talk to each other about the way you feel, and try to come up with a SOLUTIONS about how to amend this situation, not how to make it spiral out of control with revenge issues.

[vanheart]

Married, schamried.

How are you feeling? Happy with this?

Is it really worth the effort? He really hasn't proven it. Liar & such.

Again, there's a point where you have to think about you, not him.

Doesn't sound good from the get go.

Its really about you. What you want.