[ClarinsGirl]

My boyfriend and I had been together nearly two years and we broke up almost 3 weeks ago now. Everything was going fine as he was looking for jobs to move up to the city to live with me as we realised that was the next step in our relationship. We had discussed marriage and engagement and he had been saving up for a ring for me but he couldn't get a job up here. One came up further down south to where he is from, he pursued it and managed to get given that job.
We were both up for me moving down to be with him but when reality hit I realised I was making such a big decision I wasn't comfortable with and didn't feel ready to move down.
He still stays at home with his parents so there would be no room for me till he got a place of his own (which won't happen till after new year at least) and I have no friends or family down in that part of the country so felt I would be very isolated.
He had also eyed up the new girl in the office and said he felt bad he liked her when he had a girlfriend but one night we had the biggest argument ever due to the stress of the whole situation and the fact I wasn't happy in my job and wasn't prepared to move to another office with the same pressure to a town I didn't know.
So he decided that we should end the relationship because he could no longer do long distance and I wasn't prepared at that time to go down to be with him.
He said we should remain friends and I agreed in the hope that one day we could get back together as the only problem with our relationship was that we never got to spend enough time together during the week but he told me not to hold out for him as he couldn't say for sure we would get back together. I've been told he's gone from feeling quietly content to being in a relationship that works and is happy to feeling numb emptiness so knows what we had must have been love.
Every time we spoke and texted after the breakup (which was OK as we agreed to stay friends - final decision was down to me) I would ask him what are the chances of us getting back in the future, can we not just try to reconcile this and move on together as I was starting to regret saying I totally would not move down to be with him but he just kept telling me he didn't want to be in a relationship right now and he couldn't give me a straight answer to whether we would get back together.
I just kept pushing and pushing until he told me in our last phone conversation that he had been thinking over the last week or so that he doesn't see the point in us getting back together and asked why I wanted to be with someone who didn't love me.
Hearing that upset me even more and I apologised and said can we not just wait and see, what is the point in us being friends as I thought that was one of the main reasons, so he told me if I don't want to remain friends with him that was fine but it would be me missing out on the friendship, not him.

A mate (guy) later told me that night he can normally play the devils advocate and sympathise with the guy but this time he knew the guy had done wrong and was a waste of my time, I can do better and the only reason he said that it would be me missing out on the friendship was because he knew he had made a mistake.

Ive asked my ex for some space but told him to let me know when he is up in the city so we can meet up as he said he will do and he can call me if he wants to talk.

All I want is for us to have another go and make this work as I thought we did have a really good relationship. Will this time we've taken to be apart make him realise he's lost someone special as everyone refers to me as or is that totally it? Please Help :-( x

[DoulaLC]

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Long distance relationships can be challenging, but like any relationship, sometimes they simply run their course. That may be what has happened in this situation.

There is no way to know if you will get back together at some point. It appears he has been thinking about it for awhile and has decided that the current circumstances do not work for him. He may be interested in being available to date other people. He has had some time to sort through it, while it is new to you.

While you care about him, it wasn't enough to make the jump to move to be near him, so that should tell you that either the timing is just not right, or the feelings are not strong enough, or both, for more of a commitment.

Try not to push him on it. He has let his feelings be known. He knows how you feel, so now if he is interested in staying in contact, he can contact you.

Instead, spend time with friends and family. Focus on work and getting to know other people.

[Foxfyr31]

Listen. The hard truth about it is that your man found someone new and is too big of a child to come out and say it... I know it hurts and I do feel for you but please DON'T hold out hope for him as he has most likely went over the preverbial "fence to the greener grass. personally I have gone through a similar situation and found the answer. you need to 1st make it look like you don't care, 2nd find someone more handsome and have smiling happy pictures with him made, and find some way to let the boy see them.. IRONY is that you were his territory at one point. and men are very territorial.... they also believe in "out of sight, Out of MIND... my now wife of 5 years did the same things to me when I straid and I realized my love for her was worth soooo much more than the bodyworks of another.. good luck and god bless.

[JudyKayTee]

listen. the hard truth about it is that your man found someone new and is too big of a child to come out and say it... I know it hurts and I do feel for you but please DON'T hold out hope for him as he has most likely went over the preverbial "fence to the greener grass. personally I have gone through a similar situation and found the answer. you need to 1st make it look like you don't care, 2nd find someone more handsome and have smiling happy pictures with him made, and find some way to let the boy see them.. IRONY is that you were his territory at one point. and men are very territorial.... they also believe in "outta sight, Outta MIND...... my now wife of 5 years did the same things to me when I straid and I realized my love for her was worth soooo much more than the bodyworks of another.. good luck and god bless.

I don't think game playing ("... find someone more handsome and have smiling happy pictures with him made ...") is the solution to any problem in any relationship. It is also using the second male for the purpose of "happy pictures."

Long distance relationships are difficult, no question. As far as men being territorial - not in my experience. Jealousy is either a factor or it isn't.