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Aaron_fun · Oct 27, 2011, 07:07 PM

Hey folks

Am a newbie here.

Little about me: 31 years old, single, have a job. Still virgin.

Reason for still being virgin - Come from a conservative background, where the focus was on building a stable career. And of course an introvert by nature. Sometimes I just hate the way I was brought up.

My dilemma - I started doing this online dating thing and found a woman with whom I connected well. We exchanged a few messages and it seems we have much in common (no clue about virginity though). Things with her are slow and I'm fine with that. However this virginity thing is bothering me a lot. Most of my friend's are married and have kids now. I want to get this thing out of the system soon so that I don't feel anxious when I do it with the right person. Is it a good idea to get paid sex in order to get this thing out of my system so that I feel more confident later? Or should I just wait! I don't want to die a virgin.

Thanks

450donn · Oct 27, 2011, 07:15 PM

No it is not a good idea to go to a prostitute for sex. Unless you want to get a lifetime STD. Just wait. It may sound stupid given the nature of today's society, but waiting will guarantee you are not bringing some nasty baggage to the marriage bed when you do get married.

Wondergirl · Oct 27, 2011, 07:26 PM

What's wrong with being a virgin or even dying a virgin? Lots of people have died as virgins and had wonderful, fulfilling lives anyway.

No, don't go to a prostitute. Honor yourself. See where this online thing goes -- and keep us up to date.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 27, 2011, 07:41 PM

Of course unless you live were paid sex is legal, your luck would be the first women a police officer and you have a criminal record and still be a virgin, Paid sex is never an answer esp if you have waited this long. * nothing wrong with waiting*

Why not just find the right girl, you do not have to discuss sexual past, I often don't believe a couple needs to or should, it is not like sports stats to compare

QLP · Oct 28, 2011, 02:07 AM

Sex isn't something we necesserily get proficient at by practising unlike a lot of other skills. There are plenty of people out there who have been putting it around widely yet lack what is needed to satisfy their partner. A good lover is one who is open to exploring their own needs and that of their partner, who can take their cue from the person they are with, since we are all different in what works for us. Would a prostitute teach you much of that? I doubt it. I also doubt it would do much to enhance your confidence, in fact it might well have the reverse effect, depending on the kind of pro you had sex with.

We were all virgins once and that didn't stop most of us going on to have fulfilling sex lives. Maybe yours will start somewhat later than you would have liked but that's really not such a big problem. Few women would hold your lack of experience against you. Let this new relationship unfold naturally and try not to go into panic mode about what will happen should you get to the point where sex is on the agenda. You are not at that point yet and I am sure you will feel better equipped to deal with the situation if you are actually at a point where the relationship itself has developed to where you want it to be.

Aaron_fun · Nov 6, 2011, 03:07 PM

Hey

That lady just showed up on the first date. It was fun. I messaged her for a second one and she agreed. Now its been kind of 2 weeks and she hasn't responded to any of my messages.

There is still a part of me which says I should get a hooker home. That way at least I won't be nervous and would be more comfortable with women. Of course STD can be avoided with protection.

DoulaLC · Nov 6, 2011, 03:41 PM

Originally Posted by Aaron_fun

There is still a part of me which says I should get a hooker home. That way atleast I won't be nervous and would be more comfortable with women.

That is not the answer. Go back and reread the responses you have already received.

What in the world makes you think some time with a hooker will cause you not to feel nervous when it "really counts"? Or that you will suddenly be comfortable with women?

It is perfectly normal to be a bit nervous when you think about being with someone for the first time. If you wait until you know them well, and actually have some feelings for them, or even better... actually love them, it happens pretty naturally and you don't really even think about being nervous.

You've waited for a reason... respect that.

Aaron_fun · Nov 6, 2011, 03:50 PM

Yea, I saw all the replies. Those replies makes sense but you also got to step into my shoes and think. I guess its too late. I am going to be 31 soon. I wish I had done it back when I was 16 or something. I feel so behind now.

Wondergirl · Nov 6, 2011, 04:05 PM

*stepping into your shoes and thinking*

"I have decided to honor myself. Being with a prostitute will not change how nervous I would be having sex for the first time with a girlfriend. And I know that, if I care about the other person and make sure she has a good time, I won't be so hung up on myself. After all, it's all about HER, not me."

As far as mechanics go, Tab A fits into Slot B. There's not much more to know.

Aaron_fun · Nov 6, 2011, 05:57 PM

OK. I am confused. Wait is fine. Have waited so long for the right person. Nothing happened. And its so non-deterministic.

Do you folks think I need to visit a shrink?

Thanks for being patient enough with me.

Wondergirl · Nov 6, 2011, 05:59 PM

No, you don't need a shrink. You need more patience and more social outlets.

smoothy · Nov 7, 2011, 08:57 AM

You might get HPV or Herpes from that first experience with a hooker (or even worse).

Besides as was said... its not going to change anything... a guy (or female) is always going to be nervous that first time together with any person even if NEITHER are virgins.

Sex can be great... but its nothing mystical... or even magical. And certainly not going to be life altering (not if its voluntary anyway).

Nothing wrong with waiting for the right person... with the STD's out there... its not worth doing something just for the sake of having done it.

I know right now you might not see it like that... but trust me, in time you will see that's exactly what its like.

I have the benefit of having VERY vivid memories of my early teens so I still remember what it felt like before my first time and what I thought of it before as well as how I view it now over 3 and a half decades later.

Aaron_fun · Nov 16, 2011, 01:21 PM

Hey guys

The lady with whom I had this online thing going, told me today that she has started seeing someone else. She still wants to be friends though. I am feeling a bit weird and self critical now. I don't know if the fault is in me or what. Any suggestions?

I feel I should go back to my shell. This is certainly not my thing :(

smoothy · Nov 16, 2011, 01:27 PM

It was an online thing... heck... for all you know it might have been a 350 lbs GUY pretending to be a woman for kicks.

Brush it off... someday you will look back and laugh at this.

Aaron_fun · Nov 16, 2011, 01:30 PM

Aah, no man. I met this girl once for a date.

smoothy · Nov 16, 2011, 01:45 PM

Originally Posted by Aaron_fun

Aah, no man. I met this girl once for a date.

OK... thats better... At least you won't have THAT thought bouncing around in your head now at least.:eek:

Seriously though... if you knew how many women I've dated that never got beyond a few dates... you would see what I mean... some of them I was friends with for a long time before...

Sometimes that leap from friend to girlfriend just doesn't pan out.

Aaron_fun · Nov 16, 2011, 03:48 PM

Hey Smoothy

I won't be surprised by your number of dates. You might be blessed with good looks or would be super confident. May be the former feeds the latter. Me - am kind of neither. So in the current social parlance, I would be branded as a loser.

Wondergirl · Nov 16, 2011, 03:50 PM

Originally Posted by Aaron_fun

I would be branded as a loser.

Only if you make yourself out to be one. Why do you think that?

smoothy · Nov 16, 2011, 03:54 PM

Originally Posted by Aaron_fun

Hey Smoothy

I won't be surprised by your number of dates. You might be blessed with good looks or would be super confident. May be the former feeds the latter. Me - am kind of neither. So in the current social parlance, I would be branded as a loser.

Nope... I was a late bloomer. Average in looks in my youth, I do have good genes however because at 50 I could pass for 38 or 39. I didn't really hit my stride until my mid 20's In many ways... but I did listen and learn from my mistakes... and trust me, I made a lot of them in my youth.

I lost my virginity in high school... what I mean was I wasn't the super chick magnet in my youth... however lessons I learned much later proved to me, that was my own fault... if I had the confidence I developed later, I would have done a lot better than I did at the time. Decades later (at reunions) I had women I went to school with ask me why I never asked them out back then... at the time I never saw that they were interested when they were.

JudyKayTee · Nov 17, 2011, 08:24 AM

Originally Posted by Aaron_fun

Hey guys

The lady with whom I had this online thing going, told me today that she has started seeing someone else. She still wants to be friends though. I am feeling a bit weird and self critical now. I don't know if the fault is in me or what. Any suggestions?

I feel I should go back to my shell. This is certainly not my thing :(

Every encounter, every date, does not lead to a relationship.

I personally kissed a lot of frogs - or, minimally, DATED a lot of frogs. Some were jerks; some of them were great guys who didn't like me; some of them were great guys who I didn't like.

Eventually I met a prince who, incidentally, has NEVER "used" the services of a prostitute. How do I know? One of those questions I personally choose to ask.