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ABBY10 · Oct 26, 2011, 05:16 PM

Ok so my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years already. I love him so much. I wanted a break around may so I can get some stress out of me since I was about to graduate from high school and had work everyday after school. He never gave me a break, he always look for me and came to my house, my job & begging to take him back because he love me and he couldn't live with out me. I took him because I loved him.

I graduated and was only working for the summer, the summer was only for us two most of the time. He never really like double dating or going out with a group of friends, he said he only liked us two only. So I put him first in everything! Time passed and things were good we were happy, but we started to argue for the littlest things!Again I ask him for a break so we can stop arguing. I look for him a week later, text/call! No response. I found out he was going out dancing & drinking. I was like what the heck?

So then I kept looking for him and he said he got tired of me asking for break. I wanted my break and I was getting it, I explain to him that I wanted the break but I was the one coming back to him a week later but he wasn't taking me back. He is telling me that I should have never asked for that break because that messed things up between us two.

Now he is smoking weed, selling weed, drinking, getting tattoos, and failing in school. I don't know what to do? He tells me he loves me but not as much as before and he needs time, he is asking me to be friends but I said no because you can't be friends with the one you love, being around them and not being able to kiss them? He says my tears are not worth it to cry over him, to find someone else that will give me what I deserve. I told him not to tell me that because to me at this moment he is the most important person in my life and to me he is worth it.

I thought maybe its another girl? But we talk and no, he just said he doesn't want a relationship now. He is asking for space to try to be with his friends and do whatever he wants with out lying to me or having to check on me, and to try to focus on school. He doesn't have school support from no one not even his parents. I'm not going to lie but I feel like I am the only one that cares a lot for him and I try to not bring him down.

Now that he is asking me for a break he is telling me well you either take a break or a break up? I plan on begging him and fighting for what I love, just like he did. He never gave me up, he fought to not loose me, I feel like I need to fight for him so hard until I feel like I try hard enough.

But in the other hand I think that I should give him the space he is asking for... but I am so scare. I am scare that I will give him the space and that he will never come back to me. He says he will, and then he tells me there might be something in the future with us. But to me is like I ask for a break and it was one week, and you went crazyyy... what makes you think I will wait months or a year for you? I love him so much (secret: I would definitely wait for him! <3), but I don't know how long? I don't know if I should fight for his love or let him go?

vanheart · Oct 26, 2011, 05:28 PM

You have to start thinking about what's right for YOU.
No one else.

You should have stuck with your gut, not allowed him to beg. Play on your emotions. Suck you back.
From what Ive heard, this causes you nothing but heartache & confusion.

Sometimes we have to just get rid of what's troubling us. Move on.
And stop wasting time.

What is it that you want?

talaniman · Oct 26, 2011, 05:52 PM

I think you give him what he asked for and you get a break out of this too. Use your break to not cry over him, but think is this an equal relationship, or have you been eating his crap for much to long, and now he pulls more crap.

I think you need this break to get a life that you enjoy without him, a better, healthier life.

A break, or break up? That's not a choice, it's a command, and that's NOT love. You can do better, so don't you deserve better? I know, its hard at first, but it does get better once you put your needs before his, FOR A CHANGE!

mmresd · Oct 26, 2011, 05:54 PM

Hey, I am pretty sure you have heard of "be careful what you wish for". He wanted you close and you keep asking for a break. Now you got it, and he is having fun, are you? You made your bed are now having to sleep on it. Forget about this guy and move on with your life, it surely seems like he has. He has gotten a taste of the sweet nectar that being single is and has learned to be happy with or without you.

vanheart · Oct 26, 2011, 06:12 PM

I agree w/Tal, don't let him drag you down.

You may care for him, but don't feel sorry or guilty for wanting to be happy.

People come & go in our life. That's how it goes. There will be more.

Be thankful for learning from this.

I would cut all contact.

samm101 · Oct 28, 2011, 03:42 PM

It must be difficult for you at the moment but remember you did want a break a few times. This is your chance to have time to yourself and put you first. He wasn't able to handle it or respect your wishes the 1st time around. Speaking from experience you do have to treat this break as a break up, leave him be + do your own thing. The more you push then the further you'll push him away even if that isn't your intention. That horrible feeling you have now will go away soon and you both will be able to get some perspective on the relationship. Try setting a period of no contact with him.

ABBY10 · Nov 10, 2011, 02:04 PM

Yeah so I gave him a break for a week... then I thought I should fight for him since he did the same for me. So I did for 2 weeks non stop, I wasn't like all over him or begging all the time. Just something to show him that I miss him and I love him & that I was sorry for hurting his feelings in the past. I also try going out w. Friends and get distracted. But I am actually getting tired of begging him so much, so I've stop a little. He told me he did like that the fact that I was looking for him.he got sick on a Thursday morning, he called me and I was talking to my friend in the other line so I told him to hold on or I would call him back in 5-10 min. He didn't like it got mad. I called him back and he wouldn't answer,I went to see him, and when I got to his house &inted of hi or hey he said why did I go wake him up. I was so hurt I told him I am tired of trying & I am eventually going to stop trying and left his house. He called me later that day,I didn't want to answer because I was mad so he text me and I reply but we ended up talking on the phone, he was telling me how sorry he was and that he was feeling really sick he wanted me next to him because it would make him feel better. I thought to myself "aww things will get better w/ us, maybe friday night we will stay in his house n watch a movie" nooo. Friday night came and he went out and was drinking. I told him wow I though you were sick. So his parents are thinking of sending him to like boot camp and again he calls being sad and I was kind of at the point were is like OK then you brought this to yourself. & ahh I don't know now.!

talaniman · Nov 10, 2011, 03:02 PM

Okay you fought for him. Did you win? Was it worth it?

Time to stop fighting.

ABBY10 · Nov 14, 2011, 09:22 AM

Yeah :/ I didn't completely win but I kind of did notice something still there. But again I did stop. I am planning on cutting all contact w/ him,mainly since I just lost my phone. I plan on getting a new number & maybe hoping he would look for or if he doesn't then I know it is officially done and I need to get my life back focusing on me only.

talaniman · Nov 14, 2011, 09:48 AM

Why can't you put completely aside the false hope and stop playing games with your own feelings? Start right now and tell yourself that its over NOW, and not wait for it to be confirmed by his inaction, and start NOW on focusing on you and your future.

Why keep dragging yourself through self inflicted misery, and pain?

ABBY10 · Nov 25, 2011, 03:56 PM

Ok so my boyfriend and I have been on a break that he ask me for 2 months already. Those months I've been miserable with out him, I looked for him and beg him to show him that I care for him a lot and that I love him w/ all my heart.he told me to wait for him to look for me, but he hasn't. I've been looking for him all this time, I lost my phone so I had to get it deactivated and when it was active again I text him and he said why did I change my number blah blah and why didn't I look for him, I said regardless phone or no phone he hasn't look for me like I have. I told him I know I hurt ed you but you are killing me and he never response. I text him the next day just saying hey and he reply heyy :)I ask how he was doing and he ask me to,he said he wasn't doing to good, I said I was doing OK and ask him why hasn't he been good?&he never reply. Thanksgiving day I text him around 6 just telling him Hey... hope you have a good thanksgiving.I love you. He reply Heyy :) have a good thanksgiving too. I don't know if I should tell him that by now he should know if he wants to be w/ me or no, or just give more time. Or complete stop looking for him

DoulaLC · Nov 25, 2011, 04:23 PM

I'd let him go. It is not fair to you to ask you to wait for him to contact you for two months already.

I think he has moved on and now it is time for you to do so as well. Send him one last text to let him know that you have waited long enough and have decided that since he is not interested, you are letting him go. Then do not contact him again.

It won't be easy, and I know it is painful when you like him so much, but he just doesn't feel the same way about you. There is no point in trying to make him feel something that he doesn't.

Spend time with your friends and before long you will meet someone who is interested in you.