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DrawingBrad · Oct 23, 2011, 10:59 AM

Hey guys! This is taking me a lot of courage to write this out. I just felt like after reading some other posts I should post mine as well and see what you guys honestly truly think, after listening to my Mother and some close friends I still feel like I am trying to hold on to tight, well here is the story..

Me and my EX girlfriend of 7 years, January 13, 2011.. Set to be married on January 21, 2012 broke up October 15th. We had a lot of good years and a lot of bad times. We lived with each other in 3 different houses for about 5 years out of the 7 years together. We met when she was 16 and I was about to turn 20. She is now 23 as of October 21, 2011 and I am 26 going on 27 in Feb.

Recently our relationship had become really miserable, I was playing video games 24/7 and basically ignoring her every chance I got, she would come home from work and say hey I am going to go shopping or go to wal mart or whatever and I wouldn't even say anything back, 3 hours later she would come home and I would be like where were you.. And my roommate would be next to me gaming with me and would be like dude she said forever ago she was going shopping.. So for so long I kind of just shunned her out and for so long I would always tell my mom and friends at times I feel like me and her are just better friends.

With all that said.. Back in June she was seeing another guy behind my back for around 2 months and was having sex with him and cheating on me... I feel like I sort of caused this cause I never gave her attention and I bossed her around and controlled her like she was 5 years old, I would tell her to get me food and basically demand her to do it, I would get in fights with her because she couldn't decide where to eat, it was just very unhealthy.. So I feel almost as if I opened the door for another man, cause he was saying all the right things while she was emotionally damaged..

So after I found out July 10th, me and her worked it out and decided to stay together, a month later we had some awesome times again and I asked her to marry me, and she said yes. For that month we had the best month of our lives and then all the sudden I went back to accusing her every second of the day, texting her, calling her, cussing her, everything because I felt she was still seeing another man again even though it was clearly obvious this time she wasn't cause she was around me 24/7. So I don't know I feel so terrible now because unfortunately I still live in the same house hold as her and still doing everything we have always done together, going out to eat together and doing everything even though we've been broke up for over a week..

I leave to South Carolina to stay with my mom and her husband October 30th, it's a one way ticket and I don't know when I will be back, my really good friend still lives here and is going to help her pay rent until I figure out what I want to do whether I want to move down to South Carolina from Indiana for good or end up back up here..

I just really hope you guys can offer me advice, cause every time I see her I try so hard for her to give me a second chance and I keep asking her when that second chance will be and I know it's pushing her away cause we end up arguing over it every single time.. I hope she isn't just breaking up with me for another man after 7 years.. I don't know please help! Thanks guys.

talaniman · Oct 23, 2011, 02:50 PM

Since you have made other plans, back away from her and stop pestering her. After 7 years you both need time and space to get your heads on straight and figure what life is going to hold for you.

You are holding on way to tight for sure, so let go for now. Sorry guy but that high school stuff has changed for her, so give her plenty of space.

DrawingBrad · Oct 23, 2011, 03:05 PM

How do I let go when all I do is think of her and what I could have done differently.. it's a lot of what ifs... She says she loves me still but just not in love with me... and she keeps feeding my head with oh if I ever find myself again and I see you changed there might be a future... like do you seriously see a future in us?

p.s. I am still living with her until the 30th =/

BK201 · Oct 23, 2011, 04:01 PM

Let her go bro. She took her chances, she changed her mind again when you made up to her later, and again the same story? No, don't think she deserves that..

talaniman · Oct 23, 2011, 04:12 PM

I admit its not easy to break a 7 year old habit, and you will need a lot of support from friends, family, and a bunch of patience, and know the next week will be pure hell, and torture.

Sorry but I have no easy way out, or quick fixes. They don't exist, you just have to suffer through it and regroup, like so many others before you, and the millions to follow.

Break ups suck don't they?

DrawingBrad · Oct 23, 2011, 04:31 PM

Yes breakups are terrible.. just wish I would have done a few things differently, instead of letting myself become this person I am not =/

Another thing is she keeps texting me and talking to me in the house.. feels like nothing has changed just don't have the title of "engagement" Like I don't understand what is going on.. tonight she asked to go to the movies?

talaniman · Oct 23, 2011, 07:53 PM

Like I said, your last week together will be torture. You are leaving any way, so leave early, stay with your family.

DrawingBrad · Oct 24, 2011, 01:19 PM

Yea It is especially when she keeps like wanting to hang out and do everything we always used to do, then texts me and goes nothing has changed, I still feel the same way and once you leave on the 30th we have to play it day by day and see if we have a future together.. wth is that?

talaniman · Oct 24, 2011, 01:22 PM

Just curious as to how long this move has been in the works? Before the break up?

DrawingBrad · Oct 24, 2011, 02:07 PM

No it happened after the break up..

vanheart · Oct 24, 2011, 04:11 PM

Take some time out for yourself.

Give this all a rest.

You need some time to let all of this settle. You deserve that.

Without pressure to get back or not.

Live without her in your life for a while.

It will do you good. Just make sure you don't sit & dwell.
Do fun stuff. Try not to make this the subject of your thoughts & conversations.

Actually, everything but this. Sounds callous, but trust me.

mmresd · Oct 24, 2011, 05:16 PM

First of all, to release some stress, enjoy halloween after you get back to your home town ;). Second, this relationship seems over. It seems as if even though you guys have the possibility of being happy together, the choices of both of you have destroyed somethig that could have been great. She cheated and you took her for granted. That made you lose trust after what you did made her lose interest. Next time, don't take a woman you love for granted, let this be a lesson to you and don't make this mistake again. Leave her when possible and redo your life, let her live hers. As of right now, she doesn't want to be with you, let her cool of for a while, don't wait for her, but keep your distance. If something was to happen, then it will happen all by itself.

DrawingBrad · Oct 24, 2011, 06:26 PM

Thanks guys, you're probably right no matter what.. last couple days we've been hanging out and it has been fun, but just like you guys said she is done with me and she feels like the true test to her to see if she does really love me is when I leave to get on that plane the 30th..

vanheart · Oct 24, 2011, 06:34 PM

That decision has already been made.

Say goodbye.

DrawingBrad · Oct 25, 2011, 09:28 AM

Unfortunately I have to come back to Indy eventually to decide whether I am going to keep living here or move out to South Carolina in my mothers condo she wants to rent to me.

vanheart · Oct 26, 2011, 04:52 PM

Ok, then.

Get your priorities straight.
For you. No one else.

You are in control of all of your decisions.
And whatever curveballs come with making them. That's life.

Not everything goes as planned.

What's the new plan?

DrawingBrad · Oct 27, 2011, 09:00 AM

Idk yet lol, going out there for at least a month to clear my head before I come back out here... My ex keeps telling me she sees us together in the future.. why would she keep saying that..

talaniman · Oct 27, 2011, 11:25 AM

You can bet she is in as much emotional confusion as you are, and even though you are broken up, she hasn't fully let go yet, and hopes to keep the door open, just in case things don't work out, or she needs a back up plan.

She probably has many fears you may not be aware of. The point is if there is a change in her feelings its her that must make that decision known to you, without your influence. If you allow it, this time apart will clear both your minds, so you both can move forward, whether its together, or apart.

Hope for the best, plan for the worst, but do your thing, and let her do hers. Then you will know if its meant to be or not, when the emotional dusts settles for you both.