[ronydc86]

Hi

I started dating this girl in December 2010. I used to live in D.C. And she lives in Northern Virginia. We started dating and we really clicked. We used to see each other 4-5 days a week and we grew really fond of each other. In May 2011 I got a job offer in TX. I was unhappy with my job in D.C. And one in TX was too good to give up on. Before moving to TX I told myself that this'll be for a year and I'll move back in May 2012. I knew that this was going to be hard but knew this was good for our future. She was really supportive about it and acyually was the only one who helped me packed and actually drove with me to TX from D.C. The issue was I had to work weekends and she has a regular job because of which we could only see each other once every 4-5 weeks and that too just for 2-3 days in 4-5 weeks at a stretch. We never used to talk over the phone when I was in D.C. As both of us are not phone people. But after moving we used to talk every day over the phone and when you see a erson less than once a month and try to compress everything in 2-3 days it does get awkward. And it did. I got a call from her last week saying that she wants to break up. It was a bomb for me and I was shocked. I cried but contacted her a couple of days after. She didn't pick up. I contacted her landline again after a couple of hours and she said she thought I had butt dialed and started crying thinking that I had gotten over her and just butt dialed her. I told her it's not the case and I really wish to be together. She said she has been drinking and is unable to make a decision but doesn't want me to visit VA to see her. I did fly down anyway 2 days after that and showed up at her house with flowers. We argued a lot that night. I actually spoke to my managers and got off permanantly from weekend shifts and on regular mon-fri schedule.

I told her that and also that I am willing to fly down every weekend just to see her. She said she had lost the spark and doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to date me. She mentioned that she has anxiety issues even with her best friends when she doesn't see them for a couple of weeks at a stretch.

I stayed in a hotel for a couple of days and on each day we went out for dinner. We held hands and she was OK with me kissing on her cheeks. We talked and I backed off with giving her some space and a break that she needed. She seemed OK with it and said that we could try again when I move back or after some time when she has had some time to get over her anxiety. I know for a fact that there is no other guy and she lives with her parents and I talked to them. They assured me of it but I knew it all along. They like me a lot and invited both of us at their lakehouse to spend Saturday night. We went wine testing together and had a wonderful time.

I asked her if she is doing it to just let me off easy and said No, and that if she thought that nothing was ever a possibility between us then she wouldn't have gone out with me 3 nights in a row.

I really really like this girl a lot and I have never had these kinds of feelings for anyone else. We kissed when I left and her mom cooked me a dinner.

I am crazy about this girl and I know I need to give her time. I am prepared to give her a month. But I just don't want her to get over me in a month. I am not going to contact her any way for a month. Do you guys think I am doing the right thing here? Is there something subtle that I am missing? I am ready to move back earlier for her but I want her to give us a shot before I move cause if I move and give up this awesome job and then if it doesn't work that will just crush me

Thank you.

[vanheart]

Im sorry.

But you have received every message until Sunday, And, still didn't get it.
Then wanted to fly, meet up & hear it again.
Still didn't get it.

How's that feeling?
Want to keep trying?

"She said she had lost the spark and doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to date me"
What else would you like to hear?

[ronydc86]

But she went out with me for all those evenings. And told me that she is open to try his again and wouldn't have gone out if she was just trying to let me easy.

[vanheart]

That's BS.

Don't buy it.

She's letting you down easy. After telling you flat out. A bunch of times.
Your just aren't listening.

Stop contact, That way you won't have to hear anymore about being broken up. How she doesn't want you.
What? Do you want her to slap you?

Im going to. If I didn't already.

Let me ask you this?
If your best friend told you they no longer want to be your friend, love you, or want to end things, what would you do?

Wouldn't be your best friend, now would it?

[talaniman]

She isn't into this distance thing, and maybe you both manage it badly. Heck you haven't even been dating a year when this new job popped up so you have to figure this was to drastic a change to early on.

I got to say though that you have been put on notice, and for now if I were you, I would develop some nice reassuring conversations to ease her anxiety without being needy and insecure. No I wouldn't be flying back and forth every single weekend either, as I think it only adds to her anxieties not eases her through them. Why, because when you start a routine, you have to stick to it, and lets face it, Texas to DC can get tedious and expensive, every weekend. Must be a great job.

Distance relationships are difficult, and made harder with uncertainty, and given your newness to each other, I doubt you know each others ways that well to make this go smoother. While I don't think this is a break up, I do see her distancing herself until she is ready to let go in her own mind. She has many fears and insecurities about you, and this relationship, understandable, but not good for bonding at this stage of the relationship.

I think you must stay in contact regularly, and not let a month of not showing you are serious about this relationship, and its future go by. I think in this way, IF you pay attention, and not let the thought of losing her distract you, or scare you, you will learn if she is in it to win it, or ready to run when obstacles appear.

It's a big red flag my friend, she chooses to break up, instead of work with you to resolve things, and right now she isn't thinking about the two of you, just her. The lack of honest communications is blinding from what you have written, and sure looks one sided at this time to me.

[fraggerlapjump]

If you have given her your heart, and you feel like it is the perfect spot for it---leave it there and let it grow into something. See what happens if you let love live. If she really is only anxious and scared of such a commitment, then she is scared of hurting you and herself. That means she loves you too---probably as much you love her.

So, it's not that she wants you out of her life because she doesn't like you.
It's all just a matter of patience, understanding, and TRUST.

What to do?
1. contact her regularly, but don't tell her things of her...
Tell her things about your life and your happiness
Share your happiness with her.
2. wait as long as your heart permits.
3. pray and wish that if you decide to move that she is your soulmate and true love

NOW, ANSWER MY QUESTION AT:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ng-627357.html