[Derek42]

Hey everyone,

So towards the end of August, my sex drive randomly vanished overnight. I've been dating my girlfriend for about a year and a half, and we've been sexually active since the beginning. Up until August (and for my entire life), I had a really strong sex drive. I would get an erection just cuddling with her on the couch or taking a shower with her. I would also masturbate at least once daily.

Then in August, like I said, poof, gone overnight. At first I thought it was because my senior year of college was starting and I was stressed. But school had never effected me before, and even after getting into the swing of things it still didn't return. I no longer felt like initiating sex, and had no desire to even masturbate anymore, although once a week I would force myself to anyway. Then I thought maybe I had over-done the masturbating thing, so I stopped completely. But it's been over 2 weeks since I stopped completely and still no desire.

She still initiates sex a few times a week, and I can still usually get hard enough to go along with it. But it's not like before, and I find myself having to concentrate to keep the erection or else it dies down. And yes, I'm still very attracted to my girlfriend. It's not that I want to sleep with another girl (I hope to marry this girl some day) nobody is sparking the interest for me.

I went to the doctor last week for a checkup and brought it up. He said sometimes this happens to guys my age sometimes and that it usually comes back after a few months. But I've never heard of that, has anyone here gone through it and had it randomly return? They ran a blood test to check my testosterone levels on Monday, I get the results tomorrow. I'm almost hoping my levels are low so I have an answer.

The whole situation has me feeling depressed and miserable. I never imagined I'd have this problem in a million years. I feel pathetic and I'm scared out of my mind that the drive will never return. I don't think my girlfriend would leave me or anything, but I'm sure lack of sex puts a strain on any relationship. Basically I'm asking if anyone has gone through something similar, and what were the results?

Thanks,
Derek

[Cat1864]

I am not a male, but both males and females can go through periods of not being interested in sex and it doesn't just happen to people your age. In many cases, it doesn't last long. Pressure to do something you aren't really wanting to do may be making it worse.

It may have started as a reaction to stress from school. etc. but now you are reacting negatively to feeling pressured (internally as well as externally) into doing something you just don't feel like doing.

Yes, it can be an issue in relationships. Usually that happens when the partners don't communicate or attempt to understand what the other person is going through. Be honest with your girlfriend. Let her know what the doctor has told you. Together use this time to find other ways than sex to be intimate and show affection. If given the chance it can actually strengthen the bond between you.

When I have gone through one of these periods, I have found that backing off from trying to have sex can help. Letting go of the pressure to do something I am not really in the mood for actually helps me get in the mood. Just being with my husband relaxing and being together with no thoughts of intercourse has done the most to help me.

Relax and give yourself some time to let the pressure and stress go. Good luck.

[Derek42]

Cat, you're awesome. Thanks for the response. I hope it is just a phase and goes away soon. But until then I guess it's time to be honest with her. Was hoping it would come back before I had to do that, but it is what it is.

[Cat1864]

Being honest with her may end up being part of what helps.

Good luck.