[bubudollie]

Well, I will try to be as brief as possible. I know there are a lot of questions about married men and cheaters but my story is a little different. I met this man, that goes to my work, 1 year ago. He was always very respectful, so much that I didn't like him at all, I thought he was gay, lol. After a few times more he began to flirt with me. He asked how old I was (I am 24, he is 36), my name and all that. I kind of felt strange like I couldn't believe he was flirting with me? I am beautiful by the way, since there are always a lot of men telling me things. He looks shy and very serious so I found it strange. Then time went by, he asked for my FB I accepted him and then began to chat. He told me I was beautiful and very friendly and that I liked him very much, and asked if I wanted to go out with him. I told him you have a wife and I have a boyfriend... so I really don't know, that's wrong. Before judging me let me tell you that his wife is unfaithful to him, they are just together for the money and for their kid of 11 years. I know she is unfaithful not because he told me, just because everybody knows it.

Ok the thing is she was travelling with their son, we went out, had sex (just a fling I would say) both knowing that it was going just to be sex, without compromise. That didn't happened that fast. Itry to knew him a little more before doing that. I accepted since he likes me a lot, he is like my dream man. He is sweet, and looks like he is searching for something more than sex. Anyway after that I never called him, contacted him, nothing! I wanted to act like I didn't care although I really fell for him! He was very sweet and treated me like a princess that night, we talked a lot after sex like for 2 hours... he cuddled with me, hugged and kissed me a lot, etc. I was like ? We like the same things, think the same way... Well, he went to my work (a movie rental store) like always, he always says hello to me and all that. The day of the fling he asked me when we could repeat it again, I told him I didn't know. Now when he sees me he always hugs me, give me a kiss and talks with me a lot. He looks a little sad when he sees me, I feel it, and sometimes he looks jealous when men talk to me. That happened 6 months ago, the other day he went and asked me again if we could go out. I told him that yes, but why after so much time? He told me he thought I was a pshycho. I was really mad since I NEVER acted that way. Although I'm really into him I always tried my best not to contact him and all that. I did sent some messages asking how he was and trying to tell him I wanted another fling but he ignored them. Well, the thing is he never called me or sent text messages that day.
My question is: why does he invited me to go out and then ignores it?

I don't understand anything at all. If he would want to use me he could be doing it already. Sometimes he looks like he just wants to talk to me about something but he looks scared. I know he doesn't love his wife anymore, he told me that and I believe him but he never talks bad about her. He is a gentleman after all. All married men and cheaters always talk bad about their wives. So, I'm getting crazy, I don't know what to thing, we have avery strong connection and I think he is very confused. Any help would be appreciated. ThankS!

[DrJ]

The answer you are looking for, like it or not, is that he is married and he just wants you for a booty call whenever he feels the need. Plain and simple.

If he wanted anything more, then he would change his situation. As much as he seems a gentleman, he is married and he is cheating on his wife. Don't be foolish about the reality of the situation. If his wife is okay with it, then why not ask to meet her.. just so YOU know? I mean, after all, she's JUST in it for the money, right?

[bubudollie]

I can't see the answer someone posted here!

[bubudollie]

DrJ
I think you are right but I do think he has feelings for me and he is just trying to hide them

[DrJ]

That could be very true.. but what good will it do either of you to entertain them? He doesn't seem like he is going to leave his wife anytime soon... and you shouldn't be wasting your time on a guy that is okay with cheating on his wife.

Do yourself a favor and pursue someone that is worthy of a girl like you. You don't want to have to be the unknowing wife to a guy like this. There are real men out there that are gentleman, kind, caring, respectful AND don't cheat on their wives ;)

[bubudollie]

That's very true. In 6 months he could have called me to have sex and he never did. Strange in men since they ALWAYS want sex. What do you think of him saying that he thought I was a psycho?

[DrJ]

The 6 months thing could have been that maybe his relationship with his wife was on the mend? Or maybe he found another video girl at another video store ;) Ya just never know.

The psycho thing... hmmm... hard to say. Maybe he just wanted an excuse for not contacting you that didn't put him at fault so that you couldn't hold it against him... and at the same time, put you in a position to feel that you have something to make up for.. double-bonus for him ;)

[vanheart]

I think you already know the deal.

Hes married & at work. Not a great start.

Its more about you. Your character.

Who wants a girl like that?
I guess married guys. At work.

[bubudollie]

He don't work with me... he is just a client...

DrJ, I think too that was an excuse. He is amoron though because if he wants sex why he invites and then run away? I'm not asking him to leave his wife and never will. Also, I haven't told him about my feelings. Do you think he knows?I do said to him that night that I had a big crush on him... OPS! :(

[vanheart]

Nice one.

Just a client. You've said it all. Right there.

He's got a wife.

[DrJ]

Yeah, that definitely could have freaked him out a bit. If you develop feelings for him (or if he finds out you have), you become a threat to his marriage, which he obviously wishes to preserve.

If you are happy with being a mistress on the side for him, you would want to position yourself as exactly that.. someone that is perfectly satisfied with, or better yet, someone that prefers to remain on the sidelines... as if you absolutely do not want anything more. Then, he will feel safe with you and you won't be a threat to his marriage... you dig?

[bubudollie]

A wife that is unfaithful to him and don't respect him neither. Women sometimes act worst than men. Love don't last forever. Im not here to argue whether she/he is married or not, obviously they are and that is not the deal. The deal is should I give him a break.. I'm a open minded person, I'm not pshycho and I don't want to steal him from her or whatever but I would like to go out with him for a second time to see what he has to say. What do you think? Please don't insult me.

DrJ hahahaha I think I did... but I just wanted to say to him how much I liked him. He treats me well at least and respects me. I'm an adult and if I wanted sex with him well, that was my decision. I think I played with fire and got burned. I feel like I love him but I know that could not be since we haven't had that much opportunity to talk. I think is lust. :(

[DrJ]

(Wait... are you talking to me? Did you take what I said as insulting? )

Oh.. never mind. I didn't see your post to me yet

I think it all depends on what you really want out of this. If you are in love with him, I would imagine it would be very difficult to remain what he needs to remain. But if you are okay with that and you still want to see him, you will have to learn to give him a LOT of leeway... he's got quite a juggling act to preform ;)

[bubudollie]

Nooo! You are helping me a lot... I said that to the other user... he/she is very mad I think... hahha

[DrJ]

Yeah... people often let their own sense of right and wrong get in the way of providing answers/advice for someone in need ;)

[bubudollie]

Yes, he likes to play I think. He disappears for weeks to see if I miss him. And obviously I just ignore him although I miss him like crazy!! But I will not show it. Also he posted on his FB a video from Chris Isaac-Wicked games... that was just hilarious!! He did it when we were talking on chat... and wrote: uufff... memories.. The thing is that the song goes very well with our situation..

[vanheart]

No insults.

Actually, his wife is none of your biz. Hope you got that. Wife. His biz. His wife. Not yours.

Just leave him alone. Move on.
Don't get with guys until they have their act together. Not married.
Have gotten over their exs before they get together w/ someone else.

You want what you want. He wants his. What's that?

"I don't want to steal him from her"

Then don't. Let them sort their stuff, then decide.

Don't wait.

[DrJ]

In reality, he obviously likes you to some degree... possible that he even likes you a lot. You can have strong feelings for more than one person. However, he IS married to the other one... so in the end, you are the one that has to suffer the small things. He has to preserve his marriage first, then make time on the side for you, if there is time at all.

[bubudollie]

Vanheart you are right but "Just leave him alone. Move on." I had always leave him alone.. (sorry if my english is not that good... it is not my first language). He is the one that goes where I work and always got something to say and flirts with me... like leaving the situation open so I don't forget about him. I don't feel like he is using me but if I begin to feel that way I will just forget him. I'm okay with the flings but it will not happen only when he wants to.

[vanheart]

Im going to say it again.

Don't get w/married men.